Or rather "MMF mmfmmf mfmff!" as Jim still couldn't get rid of the ball gag in his mouth.

"You know, you really mustn't pass out like that everytime I get you worked up." Said JR as she sat down next to him. The mattress sagged beneath her weight as she settled down and continued: "Now. Be a good boy this time and maybe, just maybe, I will untie your hands."

Just then, an AH64A Apache Attack helicopter dropped down to window level with its high intensity search light beam spotting JR and Jim on the bed....

It was her other lover, ex-president Bill Clintion. "So this is Joe Shmo is ii? Cane an angry voice over the speaker. "I have just two words for you.... hold on, I'm being paged. Ok, two words.... thats sad" He flew away and was eaten by a large bat (much to Hillary's delight)
Joe agreed it was sad. He hadn't liked Janet Reno anyway, but couldn't do much in his position. So, he consigned himself to his fate, but than he remembered! He could free himself with his trusty...

Lightsaber

or was it his Force Wand? he'd certainly forced his wand into some interesting places during his adventures! suddenly an answer flashed through his mind, and a new level of awareness came upon him.. he was trapped in the mind of Michael Moorcock. He knew now why he'd always been strangley attracted to Roger Dean posters. He also knew why JR had been crying "moor cock, moor cock" all night which sadly depressed him...

(grateful acknowledgement to Half-man Half-biscuit)

"Ommm maaa naaaaaay padmaaaaay hommmmm! Ommm maaa naaaaaay padmaaaaay hommmmm! Ommm maaa naaaaaay padmaaaaay hommmmm!" Jim recited the lotus sutra in his mind to try to find a center so that he could try to think calmly about his predicament. He'd wished he'd learned somthing more tantric or yogist but he had never got round to it before..... loinclothes had turned him off in the past. Ironically, he thought to himself, look at the condition he was in now.

JR's heavy weight on the bed came nearer to him......

All of a sudden the room goes dark, he slips out of the predicament he is in, jumps out of the window, only to land in....

an even worse predicament. Not only had he broken his ankle, but now, as he cradled his damaged joint, he could see, slowly turning the corner, a wave of zombies, out for the taste of manflesh and brains. Reaching for a weapon of sorts he came up dry, the only option now was to run, an endevour made all the more difficult with his new handicap. As he ran, the trail of blood led them straight after him and they seemed to be gaining on him. "its only a matter of time" were the only words he could thing about until suddenly, with the creatures just an arms length away..


"it has to start somewhere, it has to start sometime, what better place than here, what better time than now"

Like an enraged bull. JR came bellowing after the zombies. "He's mine! He's mine, get your putrid fleshless hands off of him! Flailing away at the zombies with a cat o nine tails, JR, dressed in leather bustier and spike healed boots, waded into the midst of the undead, heedless of their new interest in her.

As this new fracas built toward a new crescendo, Jim hobbled quietly away toward some lights in the distance. It looked to be a lighted doorstep of an incognruously modest one level ranch-style home. The living room was dimly lit and the tell-tale bluish hued light from TV screen played upon the ceiling.

Naked, parched, still bleeding (but not profusely) from his posterior and now hobbled with a broken ankle, Jim whimpered a prayer for relief from this nightmare as he reached the front door. .... "ommm maaaa naaaaay paadmaaay hommm...."

When all of a sudden, a car pulls up outside, and jim is told to get inside...

"F*** YOU!" Jim exclaimed as he walked into the house. The TV was indeed on, but the place apeared to be empty. Jim explored a while and found bandages and the like, as well as some clothing and food. His ankle, he decided was just badly sprained, so he put some ice and propped it up in the recliner. The chair however was old and broke when he tried to get the footrest out. He then tested the beds in each of the three bedrooms to find one with a divit in the middle to accomidate his rear bandages, and fell fast asleep in a room that looked to belong to a little boy.
He awoke to a little bearish voice saying "somones been sleeping in my bed... and he's stil here!"

Jim said: oh my god, im in the 3 urban bears house....

"Hey Papa Bear long time no see" Jim said.
"Jimmy is that you? I haven't seen you since we ran cocaine shipments from columbia!" Papa Bear replied

Jim and Papa Bear decided to catch up on old times and head down to the local bar for a few pints of soothing Ale. After the 15th pint.....

Edited by - Mustang on 09-11-2003 22:56:55

...Jim was taken to the hospital again and nearly died of alcholhol (sp?) poisoning. Papa bear, weighing several hundred pounds more was mearly decked. After his speedy recovery he figured it would be best to...