..in which case he would need to prepare himself and summon his spirit guide, which in Jim's case was a..

Huge, smelly....

talking Llama named Susan.
"I am Susan, your guide to all that is mysterious, unknown and mystical...or something like that." said Susan.

"Oh great Llama Susan" Jim said "Direct me to mine enemies so that I may smite them with something very large and very pointy."

(phooey, you guys beat me to it)

She gave him some random bits of information wich led him to hunt down those fiends at the lancers reactor, who as far as they were concerned were responsible for...
-two transformations of his gf
-various halucinations
-the takeover of a small african country and holand
-his mum being mad at him (omg, you brits r gettin to me! I said mum!)
-him becoming momentaraly gay
-the odd deaths of bob3turd, bill cosby, and robin hood
-destruction of the Enterprise and all aboard
-numerous bumps and bruises
-a couple hundred grand in hospital bills
-loss of his job
-his new AA membership
-A nightmare with Janet Reno
-Destruction of his good friends recliner
...and much much more. He figured the best revenge was...

Edited by - Warlord Bob on 10-11-2003 00:37:17

Edited by - Warlord Bob on 10-11-2003 04:39:38

..spamming in the TLR off-topic forum, a hitherto taboo act performed only by the most heinous and daring of thread-pirates, who would braodcast their spams from random and hidden locations into the Matr.. errr OT-Forum. He would have to take on the Moderator-Sentinels, however, and even if he got past those, a greater danger faced him, the sheer terror of..

The grand sentinel B'arg:ib

...And Popcorn stands...
Yes, popcorn stands and those hideous popcorn selling people, looking at you with their eyes full of hate, thinking God-knows-how horrible things they could do to you, lurking, preparing for evil... Can't you see them...? OMG can't you see how they're looking at ME?!STOP LOOKING AT ME!!! Oh, God, please, anything but the popcorn stands! Spamming is too dangerous, so Jim decided he needed a better solution for revenge, in form of...

Edited by - Chetnik on 10-11-2003 09:43:00

..a small amount of the mind-warping substances favoured by Chetnik Such awesome power in the hands of one so young! Jim trembled with anticipation at the thought of the havoc he could wreak with this precious but oh! so dangerous cargo? Would he use it? Should he use it? Moral dilemmas hadn't been high on his list of priorities until now, he was confused (but nothing new there!) but it occurred to him that revenge may often be a double-edged sword..

Edited by - Tawakalna on 10-11-2003 18:08:14

thats used to chop down trees, then a zenlike thought struck jim: "revenge is like a forest, it is easy to loose your way", after pondering this for a while, he...

Got dressed, and took a walk down to the local bijou. It was a special Rocky Horros show night starting at 2:00am. He thought that he would recharge his soul by spending a few hours healthily freaking out. He lined up to get a box of cherry filled chocolates, carefully averting his gaze as he approached the popcorn stand... the smell of hot melted butter and freshly popped corn almost overwhelmed him.

"Excuse me. Do you have change for a twenty?" A lightly lilting female voice caressed his left ear. Jim couldn't, wouldn't turn his head. Too many times in the past just such a situation brought no end of doom upon him.

"It's just that, I put my coin purse in my other G-string and I don't want to have to go home just for that. I tucked this twenty away in my top, thank goodness, but the popcorn lady says she all out of change....."

Jim tried not to picture anything and move on but........

...the voice sounded an awful lot like Jessica Rabbit. He ran off to the bathroom and created there another goo spot. No, he had to stay out of all things strange, lest his sanity crack (farther) under the prerssure.

But just then, he seemed to wake up, yet again...

..in a lingerie shop, where he..

...stood in front of a huge smelly woman (woman only by physical definition), whose odour he barely survived. "So that's why I was sleeping...", Jim thought. The huge lady slapped him again, shaking her huge tits, making waves of smelly air, and yelling: "You gonna hold this bra or not, I aint got whole day fer dis ya know!" This was, of course too much, so Jim decided he needed to run out screaming like a stupid idiot, only to realise that he's naked (except for the huge lady's bra he was now wearing), and with considerable erection. People stared at him and that woman, as Jim tried...