The key sailed onward, spinning majesticly about it's center of gravity, chain dangling behind

Jim let out a long low "nnnnnooooooooooooooo" (yes, it was like that. this story is in slow motion now ) as he lumbered toward the foot hold.

The kitty, having dispatched RH began to feed on his carcas

Jim now sailed through the window still in slow motion and in hot pursuit of the key. The key now sparkling silver in the afternoon sun began to loose it's momentum and started its decent towards the moat below.

Jim and his cast iron chastity belt however had left the window at a greater velocity than the key and found himself directly below it. With one mighty thrust of his pelvis (Elvis Style) Jim caught the key squarely in the lock and removed the chastity belt just in time to deploy the parachute that he had conveniently (yet somewhat strangely) stuffed in his ass crack the previous evening.

Edited by - Mustang on 08-11-2003 00:27:55

The parachute deployment was less than optimal, given the part of the anatomy from which it was ejected. Wafting across the moat while facing downward Jim sees that is rate of descent is slightly faster than desirable. He will have but one chance to
reach out to a gargoyle before being splatted against the rampart wall....

A cold wet wind had started to blow, making Jim's teeth chatter. Would he be able to retrieve the chute fabric to fashion some clothing for himself?.. he wondered.

All of sudden, er... just as the two suns in the sky reached full eclipse and darkness ecompassed him, twenty torches lit up along the rampart wall.

Hey wait a minuite, Jim thought. I must have been smoking too many of mom's houseplants. All the stuff that's been happening to me is way to improbable to be real. So, since the improbable is probable in this state i'm in, I ought to be able to fly, right?

{Mustang - lmAo!}

{EDIT: I am now converting this into a MS word document}

Edited by - Warlord Bob on 08-11-2003 01:38:06

Jim grunted and freed himself from his parachute spread out his arms and started flapping them. The wind whistled in his ears as he gained velocity. Also, his
descent path had steepened and he now saw the reflections of the torches on the surface of the water below him.

in the castles keep, the radar operator notices a strange signature the just appeared on his screen, and orders the AA guns to shoot it down...

...But since the ammo supply for the AA guns was running low, the man in charge for castle defences, sgt. Judhir'yakkino Xagtriwaaag ordered the AA gun operators to switch to alternative ammo.
They loaded standard KLX-035551285562A-FF shells, namely fish guts, rabbit testicles, and dead squirrels.
With one mighty synchronised explosion coming from good sgt.'s multiple rear ends (there were 4 of those) came the order "FIRE!!! FIRE NOW!!! FOR GODS SAKE PLEASE WOULD YOU FIRE NOW?!"
...Meanwhile the Sombrerro Brothers started preparing for the invasion on The Land Without Bathrooms, using their gold plated doorknobs as their main weapons... Back to the story:
Unbelieveable ammounts of KLX-035551285562A-FF shells created a cloud that was now approaching Jim at a worrying speed. What would he do now...?
Thinking hardly, Jim exclamated...


Careful what you wish... You just might get it.

"My Anus is bleeding" and a waterfall of blood poured from that reagen of his body. For somereason, he didn't pass out.

Life: No one gets out alive.

Flapping his arms madly now, Jim deperately tride to maneuver himself away from the fast approaching fish-cat-pig-gut-slop-cloud. As he made out the surface of the water on the moat to be 20 feet away, he stopped flapping his arms and executed a near perfect one-armed swan dive into the water (other arm being used to stop the bleeding).

This would have been ok, except that me moat was in fact just for looks and a mere 2 and a halp feet deep. Jim awoke later at the hospital in a body cast and with nearly an entire box of gause jammed up his *ss.

The Sombrerro Brothers invasion had met with stiff restance, mostly in the form of a pewtrid smell caused by the lack of restroom facilities. The new doorknob model they had issued to the troops without any battle testing was having problems too. It simply was not up to the task of hurling metal projectiles at the enemy. Many of the enlisted men secretly traded the valuable gold knobs for food, sex, and illegal substances and used clubs. Back to the story...

Just then in walked Dink. While Jim was otherwise engaged he had siezed power in Jim's army and taken over Holand, but couldn't find the place and was thus an a slightly un-happy mood. He had come to see how Jim was doing and bring him a box of...

Arsenic, so he could end it all

unfortunately because the arsenic was a liquid suspension it had dissolved the cardboard box box Dink brought it in, so Bob couldn't end the torment that way. Frustrated at the hell his life ahd become, he started smashing his head against the wall, quickly rendering himself unconscious. An indeterminate time later, he groggily awoke in pain, only to find himself..

in another bed, this time in an LA penthouse

"Are you awake yet honey?" A husky, Kathleen Turner like female voice purred in Jim's left ear.

He tried to turn toward the voice but he couldn't move. The silky sheets slid under his movement as he tried to reposition his legs. He couldn't do that either. He opened his eyes to see who was talking to him but saw only blackness except for the Beverly Hills lights winking at him through the floor to ceiling windows. Meanwhile, the smell of her perfume came more strongly to him. He sensed the warmth. She was very close by. She was silhouetted against the skyline in the window. Was she wearing anything, Jim wondered.

He reached for her but couldn't move his arms. "WTF!??" Thought Jim. He couldn't talke because there was a ball gag in his mouth. It was then that he realized that he was tied down to the bed spread-eagle fashion. A spot light came on.......