omg! delicious! it tastes good with hamburgers...no kidding

oz = 1 Ounce = 1/8 of a cup = 1/16 of a pint = 1/32 of a quart = 1/128 of a gallon. I think.

BTW, sorry, forgot the A disk again. Try again on monday.

...I think I'll just look that upp in the dictionairy...

Chapter 9


Shiro: The Secretary! He stole the ship! And kidnapped Trent too!
Annya: No! NO! You don’t realize what this means! There hasn’t been and ships to go off this planet in five years! What if there was a zed on the ship?
Shiro: Zed?
Chief: Zombie.
Annya: If the virus spreads, it could completely wipe out the galaxy!
Zaphod: That’s not good.
Sgt Rock: Ok, I want options. What do we do now?
Roberts: Doesn’t matter. If they’re off they’re off. Doesn’t help us any. We’ll never see the ship one way or the other.

But, thankfully, Roberts was wrong.

Trent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Secretary: What is it now?
Trent: It’s a… It’s a… It’s a…
Secretary: What, the boogieman?
Trent: No. A zombie. It’s right behind you, and it looks like it’s ready for a meal.
Secretary: What? No! STAY BACK! KEEP AWAY FROM ME! ARRRRGGG!!!!!!!!!


Smythe: So, what will we do, now that the ship is gone?
Roberts: And the most terrible plague ever to hit mankind has more than likely been unleashed?
Chief: Well, technically, the flood is worse, but we don’t know if the flood gets to earth or not. And we probably never will, considering the author will never be able to afford the Xbox 360 that Mr. Gates so nicely put a 610 dollar price tag on.
Billy: We could go home.
Zaphod: We like, might as well. There isn’t anything to keep us here.
Shiro: Sounds good to me. As long as we have the Rolling Thunder there won’t be anything to stop us.
Antonio: Ahh, well, there might be a little problem. You see, I take-a all da ammo for the guns with us. This is all that we have.
Annya: We’ll discuss it later. Here come more zeds. Roberts, Smythe, Billy, Up again.
Smythe: Aye, but that might be a bit easier if I had more than four syringes left.
Roberts: So this is it. We’re going to die.
Chief: NO! We got you into this mess; the least we can do is get you out of it.

A battle ensued like none before in the history of Malton. Tomakato and Roberts were back to back, holding the enemy zombies at bay. Chief and Billy were swinging clubs the size of small trees as if they were toothpicks, breaking skulls and bashing brains. Annya was here, there, and everywhere, darting in and out with a foot long knife, stabbing, countering, retreating, and stabbing again. Smythe was using the pistol he had as backup to great effect. Shiro and Antonio were hurling grenades into any clusters of zombies. Sgt. Rock had a piece of lead pipe, and the bodies of his foes were piling up around him in a wall. Zaphod, of course, was cowering in a tiny ball in an alley.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trent: *BLAM* Ugh. What an awful way to die. All right, now that I’ve killed both the zombie, I guess you and I should figure out how to fly this thing back to Malton.

Cortanna: *Fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-Reboot-Reboot-Reboot* Oh, Trent. Umm, what are you doing with that .306?
Trent: Err, nothing. Umm, can you show me how to fly this ship?
Cortanna: Are you rated to fly Improbability Drive Spaceships?
Secretary: Err, no, I’m afraid I’m not.
Cortanna: Ahh, who cares, neither am I! Lets rock this party! Malton here we come!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Never had so small a force held back so many enemies. The truly great battles have always been fought by the few against the many. Thermopyale. Orleans. Bastogne. Malton. However, if one thing holds true in all battles, it is that everyone loses soldiers. Smythe went down under a barrage of blows, the good doctor torn to shreds. Sgt. Rock was climbing up over his wall of dead, when a zombie thought long dead bit him in the foot. Knowing he was infected, he fought furiously, charging into the midst of his foe, and finally blowing himself up, rather than succumbing to the grizzly fate, which awaited him. Then Chief fell, a mistimed swing turning his back to the enemy, only to be forced to the ground by his overwhelming adversaries.

Shiro: Chief! NOOOOOOO!
Annya: Look! A ship! A ship!
Zaphod: It’s the old Heart o’ Gold!
Roberts: Hey! We’re saved!
Trent: Hey Strangers, coming my way?
Secretary: Look!
Trent: What?
Secretary: That Zombie! Look at it!
Zaphod: Like, what about it? It’s just another zombie.
Secretary: DON’T YOU SEE THE NAME TAG???

A gasp rose from the surviving soldiers, lurching forward on one leg, a zombie, which looked not nearly so long dead as the others, wore a nametag, which said. “Hiya! My name is Greg! I’m the Interpreter for the man who rules the universe.” Everyone was shocked, save the secretary. He rushed up and began to talk.

Secretary: Greg! Greg! I found you, Come on Greg, we’ll get a doctor; he’ll fix you up. Sure you might be a little worse for wear now, but-
Greg: Braaaaaaaannnnsssssss…………..
Secretary: Hey, what are you doing? Let go of me! No! Don’t bite me! ARHGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


Antonio: So, That’s-a what happens when you mess with zombies.

Not everyone cared, however. Shiro had other things on his mind.

Tomakato: Shiro, come on, we must leave.
Shiro: No! We can’t leave the Chief!
Chief: Urrgh,
Shiro: No! You’re not a zombie! You’re not!
Chief: You’re right. I’m not. Haven’t you ever heard of the respawn key?
Shiro: The what?
Chief: Never mind

Hahaha...

Hell, this was the best chapter... uuughhh, what's that word again?... umm... hitintills. More to come, but I was Headcrabs, Flammenwörfers and either Jim Raynor or Arcturus Mengsk. Pleeeaaasee!

Hey, it's the end of Ramadan now! Then people use to get presents! I hope I'll get that as a present!

Note, before I post this chapter, let it be known that the opinions of the characters in this story are not necessarily my own. Any similarities between real people, living or dead, is a real shame.


Chapter 10

Tomakato: Well, it’s nice to be back in space again. I just wish Smythe and Sgt. Rock could have been here with us.
Roberts: True. But when you face a zombie horde where you are outnumbered 500 to one, you must expect some losses. Where are we going to go now?
Zaphod: We thought we’d, like, take you to some planet and drop you off. What are you going to do now, that your safe?
Antonio: I think I will open a little demolition business. I’ve had enough of defusing bombs. I want to plant them.
Roberts: I will probably be run over as soon as we land, but if I’m not, I’d like to be a teacher. The students will probably hate me. But too bad for them.
Billy: I will join Marines.
Trent: Didn’t you get enough fighting down at Malton?
Billy: Bah. What are Zombies? Mere children could kill them. I want serious enemy.
Chief: Well, to each his own. What about you Annya?
Annya: I actually don’t have any real plans. To tell the truth, I never thought I’d make it off Malton alive. Now that I’m gone, I don’t know what to do! I don’t suppose I could stay with you guys, could I?
Shiro: Lady, We’d be honored to have you.

Zaphod: there’s like, only one problem, the secretary is dead! Our quest is over. We don’t know where the other five Interpreters are!
Marvin: No it isn’t.
Trent: What?
Marvin: The quest isn’t over. I know where the other five went.
Chief: How?
Marvin: I read it from his brain. I can do that you know, any truly excellent artificial intelligence program can.
Chief: Cortanna?
Cortanna: *Whistles and looks away*
Zaphod: Ok, metal man, like, spill.
Marvin: Well, it would be rather monotonous if I told you where they were all at once. Then you would be depressed and-
Cortanna: Marvin, just tell us.
Marvin: Right, of course, The Interpreter is on sabbatical. His name is T.J. and he has become a Captain in the Imperial Federation of Planets.
Annya: Where is that?
Marvin: Well, Let’s just say, we’re boldly going where no man has gone before.
All: Huh?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tiberius James Kirk sat on the bridge of his pirate vessel: “Free Enterprise”. Life was going well for him. Evil had triumphed again, and he had destroyed the vessel of that traitor, Prawn. Imagine, trying to stop genetic engineers from altering mankind to be a better, stronger life form. Well, Prawn had paid dearly for his beliefs.

Kirk: Hey, Irish, HOW are THE engines HOLDING up TODAY?

Iris Hofflemyer, also known as Iris H, or just, Irish, answered from the ships engine room.

Irish: They’re doing fine, Captain. We might need a small refit on the sugar crystals, though. They’re being eaten rather quickly.
Kirk: Irish, I told YOU, don’t WORRY about THE kitchen WHEN you’re ON engineer DUTY, Just BECAUSE you COOK better THAN the LAST chef DOESN’T mean YOU get TO shirk YOUR duties. NOW then, ZULU, What’s OUR position?

A large South African, wearing little more than a cheetah skin and a feathered headdress picked up his shield and Ickthwa and began to do a sort of chant, motioning with his spear and dancing all the while. After a bit he stopped and sat down again in the navigator chair.

Kirk: EXCELLENT, we WILL feast ON food FROM the CARIBBEAN tonight.

A large, anthromorphic crocodile approached Kirk and began to talk.

Crock: As yoo’r science offycer, I am supposed to point out thear es a large spacesheep approaching from zee rear.
Kirk: A space SHEEP? Good HEAVENS, Zulu, TAKE evasive ACTION! Markoff, GO do SOMETHING productive WITH your TIME! Oh, WAIT a MINUTE, Crock, DID you MEAN a SPACE ship?

Crock: Yees, A Space Sheep.
Kirk: Well. THAT’S all RIGHT then. MARKOFF, get A message OUT to THEM. I want TO know WHO they ARE and WHAT they WANT!
Markoff: It’s to late, Capin’, they’re hailin’ us!

Trent: Umm, hello? This is the I(nfinite)I(mprobability)D(rive) Heart of Gold. We were wondering if you knew just where the Imperial Federation of Planets headquarters might be located?
Kirk: This IS the IFD Free ENTERPRISE. We ARE going TO IFP headquarters NOW! If YOU want TO tag ALONG with US, that WOULD be FINE!
Trent: Umm, Captain Kirk, Is you’re Radio working? You sound kind of strange.
Kirk: There IS nothing WRONG with THE way I talk! JUST because I choose TO put EMPHASIS on EVERY other WORD, doesn’t MAKE me WRONG!
Trent: Right. OK. We’ll just be on our way. Trent out.

Chief: What have we gotten ourselves into?

LOL Star Trek now? Good chapter.

Note, No redcoats were harmed in the making of this story.

Chapter 11

In the vastness of space, two ships float side by side, the Heart of Gold and the Free Enterprise. One carried a crew of misfits waiting for an opportunity to kill the corrupt interpreter, if they can find him. In the other, a crew of misfits is waiting to get home so they can all go have a good time in the Caribbean. Our chapter opens on the deck of the heart of gold…

Zaphod: The man is a raving lunatic! Absolutely bonkers. Can you imagine if everyone talked the way he does?
Shiro: ONE thing IS for SURE! It WOULD be RATHER difficult TO hear ANYTHING after A while.
Tomakato: Thank you, Shiro, for that very helpful comment. Why don’t you go see if you go help Chief in the kitchen.
Chief: No thank you, that black hole you call your nephew will eat us out of everything before you can wink an eye.
Annya: Do you think we should find out more about the crew of the ship? I mean, they could be leading us strait into an ambush.
Cortanna: Nah, Kirk seems to stupid to do that. I mean come on, who in their right mind relies on an anthromorphic crocodile as a science officer?


Kirk: Crock, DO you THINK that THOSE people IN the OTHER ship COULD be SETTING an AMBUSH for US?
Crock: Of coorse not. Who en zere right mind would leesten to a computeer program as an advisor?
Zulu: Way Ahh oh ah, Ohh-Oh. O-Ahhh-O Whyaducka beole wazza!
Kirk: EXCELLENT. I shall PUT out MY go ASHORE clothes.
Markoff: Very soon I shall be eating with my little wife from Quebec!
Irish: Markoff, I thought you were Russian!
Markoff: Take off, eh. I’m from Canadia. The Great White North.
Crock: Captain, I vaz tinking, do yoo tink insteed of wating for zem to ambush us, vee should attack zem?
Kirk: Hmm, NOT yet, WE were JUST introduced INTO this STORY. We HAVE to WAIT a BIT before STARTING the ACTION. THE author HAS to MAKE this SECTION of the STORY last AT least THREE chapters.
Irish: Aye, That seems to make sense. Zulu, How long did you say until we made planetfall?
Zulu: Whyaducka.
Irish: Good deal.

And so the unlikely wingmen approached Terra. The home planet of the Imperial Federation of Planets, one crew was ready to see the sights and sounds of the Caribbean. The other crew was just ready to kill The Interpreter and get out of there.
Chief: Hey Marvin, I don’t think you ever told us who the interpreter was. All you said was that he was a captain for the Imperial Federation of Planets.
Marvin: You haven’t pieced it together yet?
Chief: No, we haven’t.
Marvin: Well, it’s-

Before Marvin could answer, however, a huge explosion rocked the bridge. When the smoke cleared, who was standing in the midst of them but Kirk. He had Crock with him, and they both were surrounded by dozens of British soldiers in red coats. The redcoats all shouted at once.

Redcoats: Surrender. The ship is ours.
Zaphod: Like, sure, just, point those bayonets somewhere else.
Redcoats: Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
Shiro: I don’t understand. Why start the action now? We should have at least 2 and a half more chapters to prepare for it!
Kirk: GET it THROUGH your BRAIN! I LIED!
Tomakato: So, you broke your word to your men. You sir, are no gentleman, and not fit to wear an officers uniform!
Crock: Sut heem up and tek heem to ze brig.
Redcoats: Shut up Kitty, we have to take you to the brig.
Shiro: That’s it. No one calls my uncle a Kitty!

Shiro jumped up and dove for an open cabinet. He threw out several magazines and several tubes of glue, searching frantically for his stored gun. This was made much harder because of constantly having to duck musket balls. Having cat like reflexes and nine lives helped quite a bit here.

Shiro: Ahh, got it.
Chief: Shiro, what good will your rolling thunder do? You ran out of ammo back on Malton.
Shiro: You know how I’ve spent all that time in the machine shop? Well, I’ve been making ammo. *BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM* Yep, works like a charm.
Redcoat: Bloody Americans.
Shiro: Nope, I am Japanese if you please, in fact, I am Japanese if you don’t please, however, *BAM* that is a bloody red coat.
Redcoats. ALL RIGHT! WE SURRENDER!
Kirk: NO! Never GIVE up! NEVER surrender!
Redcoats: TOO LATE!
Crock: Captain, I tink it vould be vize to go back to ze Fee Entipize.
Kirk: YOU’RE right, CROCK. ALL right, YOU may HAVE one THIS day. BUT I shall RETURN! DO you HERE me? I shall RETURN!
Zaphod: Yeah, like, whatever, Tomakato, Get him.
Tomakato: A pleasure.

Tomakato leaped into the air to pounce on Kirk, but misjudged and landed in the midst of the redcoats, who couldn’t drop their muskets quickly enough. He tried forging ahead, but the huge crowd of British soldiers impeded his progress.

Tomakato: Blast, he got away. Very well Mister Kirk, we shall meet again, and next time, you shall not escape so easily.
Marvin: Well, As I was saying before I was SO RUDELY interrupted, the 2nd Interpreter is Captain Tiberius James Kirk.
-----------------------------------End Of Chapter----------------------------------------


Umm, I noticed the last chapter didnt get much responce. Should I continue? I plan on continueing, but if this is getting old I can quit.

CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE! They just keep hetting better and better.

CONTINUE PLEASE! I NEED MY DOSES OF INASNITY!

Just kidding, but this is great stuff. Please keep on going!

Sorry for the wait, I hit a block, I should post number 13 on tuesday tho.

Chapter 12


Trent: So, what you’re saying is that all we have to do to get the next interpreter, Captain Kirk, is shoot across in our little boarding vessels, cut a hole in the ship, kill 600 redcoats, storm the bridge, capture Kirk, run back to the boarding vessels, and fly back to the Heart of Gold before the Free Enterprise finds out and blows us into little tiny pieces?
Chief: Yeah, that’s the gist of it.
Zaphod: Like, lemme guess. Now you’re going to run around screaming and were going to have to knock you out and do it all without you.
Trent: No actually, I was gonna say, “Let’s do it” and “What can I do to help?”
Shiro: Wow, Congratulations on no longer being a chicken!
Trent: Well, I’m not saying I won’t scream at some point in the adventure, but who knows?
Tomakato: Well, as it is, we need someone to stay with the ship.
Cortanna: *Raises hand*
Tomakato: Someone who WON’T be turned off with a simple EMP device.

Tomakato turns back to the group and Cortanna sticks out her electronic tongue.

Annya: Why don’t we let Zaphod sit this one out? I’m sure that after all the work he did on Malton that he would be ready to sit this battle out.
Zaphod: Yeah! It’s a lot of work hiding from, I mean, fighting zombies.
Chief: Well, now that that is decided, lets go! We have an interpreter to capture.

Tomakato, Shiro, Chief, Trent, and Annya all headed towards the escape pods, suddenly; alarms started blaring all over the ship. The voice of Eddie the Shipboard Computer blared out over the loudspeakers.

Eddie: Multiple inbound Hyper-footprints, many ships of an unknown origin approaching on intercept course. Master Chief and Company to the bridge. To entertain you in this time of need I shall sing you a song.
Trent: Oh no, I read this part in the book! Look here, It’s Nuclear Missiles, isn’t it? And the computer is going to sing, “When you walk through a storm!” I have an overwhelming desire to run around and scream.
Eddie: “When I was a lad I served a term”
Trent: Huh?
Eddie: “As Office boy in an attorneys firm”
Shiro: What is this?
Eddie: “I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor”
Chief: HA! This, my friends is Gilbert and Sullivan.
Eddie: “And I polished up the Handle on the Big Front Door.”
Chief: Come on, we have to see what’s up on the bridge.
Eddie: “Well, I polished up that handle so carefully”
Tomakato: Eddie, you can stop now.
Eddie: “That now I am the ruler of the Queens Navy”
Annya: Hey! He’s right, you can stop, we’re all cheered up now.
Eddie: Shhh, I have 8 more verses. “Yes He polished up that handle so carefully that now he is the ruler of the Queens Navy”
Annya: That’s enough. You keep going. I’ll be right back.
Eddie: “Well polishing up that handle was such a lark”
Eddie: “They gave me the post of a junior Clerk”
Eddie: Wait a minute! No! I’ll Stop singing! I promise! PUT THE WIRE CUTTERS DOWN!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Annya: Well, that’s done; lets go see what Zaphod wants.
Trent: Haha, That was funnier than the song.

And so the company headed back up to the bridge, unimpeded by singing.

Tomakato: Well Zaphod, What ya got?
Zaphod: Look at the screen. What is that thing?
Annya: It sounds like a dying tape player.
Chief: Ahh, this is my call thank you, If you would all step back.
Chief: Arbie! How ya doing? I see you’re not flood bait yet.
Arbiter: Your twisted sense of humor will get you killed one day, Demon. In fact, that day has come. Face me on the field of battle, and we will see whom the gods favor.
Chief: Boy Arbie, I’d love to, but ya know, I’m kind of on this quest right now, and it would be rather rude of me to back out now. Can I get a rain check?
Arbiter: You shall receive nothing from me but your death. Come now or I shall be forced to destroy your ship.
Zaphod: Ahh bummer Chief, I’m sorry you have to go. Why don’t you go play with the bug man.
Trent: *Smack*
Zaphod: *Collapse*
Trent: HAHA! I did it! I was the Smacker instead of the Smackee!
Chief: SHHHH! Now look Arbiter, I think you might understand my reluctance of leaving my companions before are quest is over. You see, We are going to kill one Captain T. J. Kirk.
Arbiter: Captain Kirk? Even I have heard of the devil known as Kirk. Such a man as he deserves to be executed slowly and painfully. Just as he has made many watchers of his Television Program die.
Chief: My point exactly. Now, How about we settle our little squabble latter.
Arbiter: Of course. I shall continue to hunt you down, but I suppose I can give you a 48-hour head start in order to rid the galaxy of scum such as Kirk. I shall meet you in battle soon. And then all shall be reconciled.
Chief: Right-Oh. Until then, Chief Out.
Annya: Well, I guess we know the Aliens view of the dear captain, don’t we.

Whats with the lack of responce?
Fine! NO CHAPTER FOR YOU!!
RESPOND! OR THE DELETE BUTTON GETS HIT!!!!
-.-

one word

awsome!

more now!!!!!

007

If you only learn one thing in Freelancer, let it be this, do not piss off someone who is much better, or has a much higher level than you.

Post that chapter or i'll do something drastic!
I'll umm throw a rock at you with a smiley face on it