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A Medley of Problems. Next chapter is up!

Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe

Post Sat Oct 29, 2005 9:27 am

Hmm... I could contribute to the wierdness of this story. Have some body saying that he thinks of "mysterious, eighteen-legged, alien Howard Dean's that come to Earth (or another planet) to rob the Central African Republic of all its supplies of Dutch moldy old cheese".

And then some wierdo portal warping in the country of Bangladesh on some random planet, the only human country left?

Post Sat Oct 29, 2005 12:44 pm

*Whistle. No thanks, Thats to weird even for me. I'm gonna have em go. Wait, I cant give away what little plot I have. Go huff a daffodil

Post Sat Oct 29, 2005 11:40 pm

wormhole depositing juni and king on the heart of gold?

You know its monday when your handgun backfires into your face

Post Mon Oct 31, 2005 12:52 pm

sorry guys I forgot to bring my A Disk, No updates now. Please come back later. THis has been a recorded message. 12212012 BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Post Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:15 pm

Found it...

Chapter 6


Secretary: Yeah, all the interpreters are on vacation in different parts of the galaxy. The First one, Greg, is hanging out in Malton.
Zaphod: Like, where is that? I never heard of it.
Secretary: I’m not surprised, it was put under total quarantine 5 years ago, there was a problem.
Tomakato: What sort of problem?
Secretary: Umm, A big one.
Chief: How big?
Secretary: Really big.
Shiro: Unc, can I slap him around a bit?
Tomakato: Actually, I think I have some tuna in the other room. Would you like me to go get it?
Secretary: No! No, I’ll talk. It was a level four zombie outbreak. We didn’t publicize it because we thought we could keep it under control. Unfortunately, we couldn’t. Instead we had to wipe all memory of it from everyone.
Trent: ZOMBIES???? I think I’ll stay here thank you.
Zaphod: Look Leeds-man, do you want to go home or don’t you?
Trent: Not if I have to fight Zombies to do it!
Marvin: The odds of going to Malton and coming back uninfected are roughly 2 to the power of 341,618,726,483,548,936,641 to 1 against.
Cortanna: But you could give yourself a much bigger chance if you used the Heart of Gold.
Trent: Hey, Yeah! The ship will protect us! Ok, I guess I’ll go.
Secretary: You’re all fools. No one can go and come back!
Chief: Then why did the first interpreter go there?
Secretary: Actually, it was to check up on his experiments…
Tomakato: You mean that he started the outbreak as an experiment?
Secretary: Well…
Zaphod: What did I tell you! They are corrupt!
Chief: All right Cortanna, plot us a course for Malton, We have some Flood to kill.
Shiro: You mean Zombies.
Chief: Zombies, Flood, Politicians, there’s no difference.
Shiro: Yah, you’re right. LETS WHUP SOME ZOMBIE CEREBRAL CORTEX!

Long they flew through the dark vastness of space. For 3 weeks they flew, coming ever nearer to the place where one of them would meet their doom.

Marvin: We are now in orbit around the planet of Malton.
Zaphod: Like, take us down.

Trent: What an awful place! I never thought anything would be this drab and lifeless.
Chief: That describes this place to a T. Look at that thing!

Zombie: GRAGH!
Tomakato: Wow, look at that thing, what caused it to become like that?
Secretary: It was…
Tomakato: Yes?
Secretary: It was…
Chief: Didn’t we do this already?
Secretary: Soap Poisoning.
Trent: Soap Poisoning?
Secretary: Yes, the virus was spread through soap, when a mother forced her child to have soap in their mouth for swearing, they contracted the virus.

Zombie: GRAAAAAA!
Shiro: EAT LEAD, SOAP SUCKER! *BLAM BLAM BLAM*
Tomakato: Shiro, while I appreciate the effort, three large doses of buckshot is probably overkill.

*Whisper*: Don’t be so sure.

Trent: AHHHH IT’S A ZOMBIE!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! AHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH!
Shiro: Hey, you need to breath sometime.
Trent AHHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHH!

*Whisper*: You fool. You’ll bring them down upon us!
Chief: Did you hear something?
Trent: No, sorry. AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
Zaphod: *Smack*
Trent: AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! *Collapse*
Tomakato: Finally, now what did you say, Chief?
Chief: I said I thought I heard something.
Shiro: (in a high, squeaky voice) You deed, you deed see a Putty tat!
*Whisper*: Are you real? I’m not dreaming?
Chief: Shut up Shiro, Listen!
*Whisper*: BEHIND YOU!
Zombie standing right behind Zaphod: URGHAHAGRAH!

Zaphod was paralyzed from fear, as was the rest of the group. It didn’t look good for the Mudville five that day, until out of the shadows leapt a small figure, hit the ground running, stabbed something into the zombie, and dashed down the street into the shadows, almost before they realized anything had happened.

Zombie: HAHAHAHA-- *disintegrate*
Shiro: EWW, Zombie dust.
Chief: Wait, come back!
Zaphod: Whew, that was close, where are you going guys?

Tomakato and the Chief were dashing down the street after the figure.

Secretary: Umm, I think I’ll stay here with Trent.
Shiro: Yeah sure, just stay here, and don’t use any soap, Come on Zaphod!

It was a race to be remembered. The small, whispering figure had a fifty-meter head start, and was gamely keeping it up. Despite the fact that the person’s two pursuers were either 7 and a half feet tall or had the grace and agility of a cat.

Shiro: Hurry Zaphod! We’re losing them.

Tomakato: Chief, keep chasing, I have a plan.

With that, Tomakato leaped onto an overhanging balcony and dashed forward, slowly catching up with the running figure ahead of them. With a sudden leap that carried him a full 10 meters, Tomakato pounced on the figure, pinning it to the ground, it quickly jumped up however, showing remarkable dexterity, and dashed on again, but those few seconds were all the chief needed to catch up and grab the figure.

Tomakato: Stop struggling, we’ve caught you. Now, I think we deserve an explanation.

Author: And he will get it. In the next chapter.

Post Mon Oct 31, 2005 5:58 pm

Keep posting, bud.

Post Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:57 pm

Yes, Please do.

Post Tue Nov 01, 2005 5:09 am

not bad Chupa m8,now why didn't u tell me about this huh?lol..POST MORE

Post Tue Nov 01, 2005 10:38 pm

Ahh, chief, A complement from you is better makes up for all the death threats I've recieved.


Chapter 7

*Unknown*: All right, you’re real. Either that or the moaning has finally gone to my head. My name is Annya, I am a member of the underground resistance, now, who are you?
Tomakato: We’re adventurers, we’ve come to capture or kill Greg. He’s one of the Interpreters, and he started the outbreak here on Malton as an experiment.
Annya: He did what? Ohh, All right Cat, You’ve got the help of the Malton Resistance. How can we help?
Zaphod: Like, (Wheeze) can you, like (pant pant) get us some (gasp) food?
Annya: Come along with me, I’ll take you to the base.

Meanwhile however…

Secretary: Stupid Cat, Stupid Double-headed-man, Stupid Jolly-Green Giant. I’m getting out of here while the goings good! Come on brainless, in the ship.

The Secretary picked Trent up, carried him into the ship, and shut the door behind him.

Secretary: Now to get rid of those two love programs. I wonder how they would like a little bit of EMP…

Marvin: Yes, I’ve been to Krikkit, The night sky is actually…….*Fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
Trent: Wha? Hey, why did you go and do that?
Secretary: Shut up and go back to sleep! *Smack*
Trent: <-- Collapses

Annya: Well, here you have it, Malton Resistance Headquarters. It’s not much but we call it home. By the way, Shiro, while three doses of buckshot may not be overkill for the zombies, two rockets to the stomach definitely are.

Annya knocks on the door.

Voice: Who’s there?
Annya: Antonio? It’s Annya, with friends.
Antonio: Enter, quickly. De dead are out in force tonight.
Annya: People of the resistance, off worlders have come. They bring news about the cause of this outbreak, and what we can do to get off.

Shiro: Uncle, there’s only six of them. Is this all that is left?
Tomakato: I don’t know Shiro, ask Annya.
Annya: Yes Shiro, once we were strong and able to fight off whole army’s of the dead. Now we can barely hold our own against a dozen. I’m the leader of our band little band. You’ve met me. Antonio is our weapons expert, he was a bomb disposal officer in his previous life. Over here we got Sgt. Rock, a one time drill sergeant, Smythe is the resident scientist, he worked for the Soap company that spread the virus, tried to warn us before it was to late. Of course we have Roberts, Our cynic/philosopher, and finally… We have Billy.
Zaphod: Like wow, I thought he was the fireplace. What did he do before? Was he a body-builder? A Professional Wrestler?
Annya: Actually he sold life insurance door to door. Claims he never had anyone turn him down. But now, does anyone have a question? Yes, Robert.
Roberts: Are they going to help us? Why are they here? Why are we here? Do we really matter? Do they really matter? Do-
Billy: Silence!
Chief: Of course we’ll help you. Our ship is parked a few miles away. We have come to kill or capture the Evil Greg, who started this outbreak. When we leave, we will not leave a single one of you behind!
Zaphod (whisper): Just like you didn’t leave any marines behind on Halo? Yah you told us about that.
Chief: Shut up.

Orbiting the planet Malton.

Trent: Boy, maybe if you hadn’t zapped the computers, they would be able to fly for you.
Secretary: Wow, you’re a big help. I didn’t notice you being all willing to go fight zombies.
Trent: Yeah, well at least I don’t leave my friends behind.
Secretary: Friends? I’m a Prisoner; you don’t expect me to be loyal to them do you? For that matter why are you loyal to them? What did they do for you?
Trent: Hang on; I gotta go think about this.
Secretary: Aha! I got it! Now, on for Greatasityzenugot.

Annya: Well, soldiers of the resistance, I don’t think that we need any more discussion. We vote. Do we help these people, and get a chance to leave? Or do we turn them out, and keep on living as we have?
Robert: Huh, some life we have here. Fight, Fight, Fight, then get bitten and die a painful death, only to come back as a zombie. I say, lets go!
Resistance Fighters: Cheers! Shouts of agreement! Huzzah!
Chief: Well, in that case, I think the first thing we do is get everyone armed and go off to the ship.
Zaphod: No thanks, I have like, three arms already.
Shiro: Har, Har, can I smack him Unc?
Tomakato: Shiro, you know very well not to go around hitting politicians.
Zaphod: Who you callin’ a Politician?

Antonio: Chief, take this, Zaphod, this one is for you, and Tomakato-
Tomakato: No thank you, I will stick with my swords.
Shiro: Wow! I’ll take his! What is that thing?
Antonio: A little creation of my own, this is da Rolling Thunder Belt Fed Shotgun. 180 shells in da minute, this little baby can destroy de whole houses in a matter of seconds. Da drum here holds 2000 rounds. It can sustain continuous fire for 11 minutes. Dere isn’t another shotgun even comes close.
Shiro: Amazing… Where did you get it?
Antonio: The company called Phule-Proof Munitions, there was a store down da street.
Chief: With a couple of these, I don’t think that any zombie army in the world could stand up to us. Lets go to the ship, and get you guys to a new home.

Post Tue Nov 01, 2005 11:46 pm

Include various headcrab zombies from Half-Life 2! They're so funny! Especially when they're massacred in large numbers by gasoline tubes and sawblades! MHOUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! >=D

Post Wed Nov 02, 2005 12:56 pm

Yeah, your right, but I already got the zombie section of the story done. Perhaps next section. Anyway, heres the next chapter.

Chapter 8


Sgt. Rock: All right, ya rotten excuses for zombie slayers, lets move out. We got a ship to catch!

Chief: Hey not bad, we’ll make a Navy boy of him yet.
Sgt. Rock: Huh. Swabbies are all wussies. They were the first one eaten. Go Airforce!
Chief: Airforce????
Smythe: Aye, Airforce has to drill too, ya know.
Tomakato: Come along, are we going to sit here all day, or are we going to go get these people to the ship.

It was a long five miles back to the landing zone. Chief was in his element. He Blew Zombies into pieces, blew the pieces into more pieces, and then blew more zombies into pieces. Shiro too, was thoroughly enjoying himself. Their Rolling Thunder Shotguns caused entire walls of zombies to come apart as if hit with millions of little balls of metal flying at very high speed through the air. Which, in fact, was what was happening. There were a few hectic moments, though.

Shiro: BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, click, click, click, click.
Tomakato: Shiro! You’re out of ammo!
Shiro: What? I can’t here you!
Tomakato: I said you’re out of ammo!
Shiro: Hold that thought. I’m out of ammo!
Antonio: Take-a de ammo! Catch!
Shiro: How do I equip it?
Antonio: He knows not how do load de gun? Curses!
Chief: I’m out too!
Zaphod: Look out, like, a whole bunch more are coming down the street!
Annya: Smythe! Roberts! Billy! Get up there and hold em off!
Zaphod: Like, what good will a scientist, a cynic, and an insurance salesman do against 30 zombies? It’s like, no good at all!
Antonio: Haha, Watch, you two-headed politician!
Zaphod: I AIN’T a politician! What have I done? I haven’t said ain’t in years!

While Zaphod was thinking about standard galactic grammar, Smythe, Roberts, and Billy rushed up and began slaughtering the enemy. Smythe had a blowgun, which he used to shoot little darts of fluid into the zombies, who quickly disintegrated, like the one in chapter 6. Roberts however, had a long foil, and was using it to great effect. Whenever a zombie came near, it quickly lost its arms, then its legs, and finally his head to the cool swordplay of the resident cynic. Billy just lumbered around smacking the brain-eating brutes into each other. After a while he grabbed a disembodied arm and used it like a club, knocking heads clean off torsos using brute strength. Not to be left out, Tomakato leapt forward as well using his katana to skewer zombies as if preparing for a barbeque.

Sgt. Rock: So, political buddy-
Zaphod: Do you want to leave or not?
Sgt Rock: So, political buddy, what do you think of our little band?
Zaphod: I think you’re asking to be left behind.
Antonio: Aww, is da big bad politician pouting, after not getting his own way?
Annya: All right, leave him alone… after all, politicians have feelings too!

Soon however, Antonio finished showing Shiro and Chief how to reload the guns, and they were off again, dismembering, decapitating, disfiguring, dividing, and destroying all zombie unlife it their way. When they reached the landing zone however, a surprise awaited them…

Zaphod: Like, Hey! Where’s my ship?

Post Wed Nov 02, 2005 1:15 pm

Haha, more please XD .

Post Wed Nov 02, 2005 1:56 pm

Hahaha! Slaughtering zombies! FUN! >=D

I know... I'M EVIL! >=D

More!

Post Wed Nov 02, 2005 3:45 pm

To think...i have access to this madness on the server we play on as well!ahahahaha....we want more more more!

Post Thu Nov 03, 2005 9:23 pm

OK, No updates now, but I have recieved several comments asking what I take to come up with this story. I shall now inform you of the secreat ingreadiants.

Take 1 Can Mountain Dew, Pour into 18 oz tumbler.
Add 2 Oz. Wasabi
2 oz Tabasco
2 oz Brown Sugar.
2 oz A1 Stake Sauce. (For Zombies)
2 large cloves Garlic (Also for zombies)

Blend vigorously untill it takes on a pasty green color.

Drink

Type.

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