Tue Aug 02, 2005 12:02 am
(On top of the bomb shelter)
Watch out! Incoming catapult!
Orillion: CRAP! (Dives away just in time)
Trent: (Who is wearing a paper Viking helmet, actually all the FL characters are) LOAD THE CATAPULTS!
Nomads: (Somehow load stone balls into the catapults, even though they don’t have any hands)
Trent: (Points a sword outwards) FIRE!!
The catapults fired, scoring a few hits. But then the mob charged, bringing ladders to scale the walls.
They’re charging! Use the boiling oil!
Tekagi: (Pouring boiling oil on the mobsters)
Random Mobster: (Gets hit) AHH! I’M MELTING! MELTIIIIIING!!!!
Tekagi: Crap! We’re out of oil!
Then we’ll go to Plan B! (Pulls a lever. A huge swarm of rabid Zerglings runs out of doors in the wall)
Zerglings: KEKEKEKEKE!! (Attack the mobsters)
Mob: Ack! Retreat! Retreat!
Mob leader: We’ll be overrun in minutes! Send them in now.
(A rather large group of Infested Terrans unburrows)
Infested Terrans: LIVE FOR THE SWARM!
(Obi-Wan style) Oh, not good.
The Infested Terrans then blew themselves and all the Zerglings up. Unfortunately, about half of the IT’s still remained and started running for the gate.
Trent: What will we do! Think of something!
We must distract them while I think of a plan. (Holds up a plastic ball, with a sheet of paper inside) Load this into the catapult and fire it over the mob.
The Nomads then loaded and fired it. After it flew over the mob’s heads, it split open and the sheet of paper dropped to the ground. Of course, it was Chapter 8, and the mobsters
and Infested Terrans immediately broke off their attack to try and be the first to get the chapter.
Trent: Oh, and sorry about the long wait after he said he was starting it. He fainted from the shock of being compared to Neuromancer and his head landed on the “Delete” key.
Chapter 8: Of Ioncross and the Crazy Frog
Things are not always as they seem. For example, did you know that the universe is full of a mysterious, powerful energy? This energy, also known as Ioncross (Magical Author Powers are a kind of variation of this), can even be controlled by humans. Those who master it are capable of amazing things, such as magically creating large sums of money or changing their Starflier armed with only class 1 guns to a fully loaded Eagle. The greatest master of Ioncross was one known only as the CONSOLE. He was so powerful, he could use Ioncross to teleport himself and others across millions of light-years of space or to smite his enemies (a power known as “Kick and Ban” ). The religion of Consolism worships the console as a god and is rumored to have learned to summon his powers. But I’m sure you’re getting bored of this philosophical crap, right? Since you are, just skip to the next paragraph. I mean it. There is nothing of interest left in this paragraph. If you read this last sentence, you’ll have wasted 10 seconds of your life. HA! I wasted 10 seconds of your life that you’ll never get back! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
Well, for once, the chapter didn’t start with Trent landing on a planet with a new ship. Instead, he was flying around in the Dublin system. He had done so many missions against the Corsairs that the Mollys had become neutral, so he was sitting in the Molly Gold Field beaming up the loot from the Mollys who blew up in their own minefield.
Random Molly Pilot: Stay alert! I don’t want to become a corpse before my time because you were daydreamin-(Flies into a mine and explodes)
Random Crazed Molly Pilot: (Flying around hitting mines and constantly using shield batteries) DRINK! (BOOM) DRINK! (Runs out of shield batteries) (BOOM!) DRIIIINK!!! (Explodes)
Random IMG pilot: Hey, what are you doing just sitting around there?
Trent: There’s nothing on TV. (Looks at cargo) Hey, I’ve got tons of stuff now! Time to go sell it and do the next mission!
BATTLESHIP HOOD
Hovis: PRAISE THE CONSOLE!
Trent: Umm…yeah, whatever.
Hovis: THE COMING OF THE AUTO-MAINTANENCE IS NEAR! REPENT NON-BELIEVERS!
Trent: I hate to change the subject, but I heard you know where Quintaine is.
Hovis: I can help you if you beat me in a race, which won’t happen.
Trent: I may surprise you, Hovis. Let’s go!
Hovis: But you are a non-believer so you will never win!
Trent: Well, we can prove that to everyone if we race!
Hovis: Hey, that’s a great idea! Start the race!
RACE COURSE
Announcer: 3…2…1…GO!
Trent and Hovis took off around the course. Hovis was leading most of the time and it looked like a pretty normal race until…
Hovis: My grandma’s faster than you, non-believer!
Trent: (Passes him) What was that?
Hovis: Well...uhhh…my grandma was actually an excellent racer and…
Trent: Yeah, sure. Well, it looks like I’m going to beat you now.
Hovis: I don’t believe this! He must be cheating! (Starts chanting) Oh mighty Console, I call upon you to smite the enemy!
CONSOLE: Why?
Hovis: Because he’s cheating, that’s why!
CONSOLE: He is not cheating. Actually, you were going to use the weapon platforms, which I consider cheating.
Hovis: But-
CONSOLE: Hovis is being fined 10000 credits and sent to the Unknown system for cheating in the race.
Hovis suddenly disappeared, allowing Trent to win.
Trent: Console?
CONSOLE: What?
Trent: I needed him here. He was going to give me some info on where to find Quintaine.
CONSOLE: Don’t worry, I’ll tell you everything you need to know. He’s working on an abandoned mining station called the Glorious in this system.
Trent: But I’ve been around the whole system and there’s nothing like that.
CONSOLE: Just look to your left.
(A large, clearly visible station is sitting out in the asteroid field)
Trent: …That was not there before.
CONSOLE: Just take the tradelane to it.
Trent: What tradelane? There aren’t any tradelanes in Dublin. (Looks around and sees a very noticeable tradelane just 5K out)
Trent: OK, that was definitely not there before. (Tries to dock with it) Hey, it doesn’t even work! What was the point of having to fly out here if I can’t even use the thing! Oh well, I better just go to the station.
Glorious: Negative, leave the area at once.
Trent: How rude!
Glorious: Not you, those Rheinlanders over here.
Trent: Woohoo! A fight!
Yet again, Trent was fighting Arnold Clones. Since those gunships are so easy to destroy, he decided to attack one from the front. When he pulled out 0.001 seconds later, his shields were down and his ship was on fire (Exactly how can you be on fire in space where there’s no oxygen?). Needless to say, that was the first and last time he ever attacked a gunship head-on. However, he just used his bots/bats and went on to win the fight.
STATION GLORIOUS
Quintaine: Alright, who sent you?
Trent: Sinclair did.
Quintaine: Luckily, she has no idea where I am, so that’s hard for me to believe.
Trent: Hey, I was fighting those Rheinlanders too! I helped save your life!
Quintaine: Yes, and I would like to thank you for that. (Talking on radio) Come over here and push him out of the airlock! What? What do you mean “out of order”? Well just torture him then!
Trent: Ha! I’m not afraid of your tortures, Quintaine! I can take anything you can dish out, whether it be the rack, the Chinese water torture, or even Backstreet Boys music!
(2 of Quintaine’s men come in with the Crazy Frog)
Trent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Crazy Frog: Ding ding ding dong blah blah blee blah blah dong…
Trent: MAKE IT STOP! I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING! I HAVE THE ARTIFACT!
Quintaine: What artifact?
Trent: The one Sinclair found on Pygar that was stolen!
Quintaine: Well where is it then?
Trent: Sinclair is working on it back on Leeds but she needs your help to decipher it!
Quintaine: No way am I going within 100 miles of her! I’m sure you know why by now, right?
Trent: (Remembering her sudden outburst in the last chapter) Yes, but you need to come with us. These Rheinlanders are after you and you can either be a live scientist on the run or a dead one in the ground!
Meanwhile, back on Leeds, a sound so loud erupted from Tobias’s shop, Guns R’ Us, that it caused a shockwave that affected everything within 10 miles of ground zero. 400 people became deaf, 900 were sent to the hospital after being severely injured by falling shards of glass, 150 atheists were converted to religion, and for days afterwards parrots would not shut up about line stealing. But let’s get back to the main events here.
Quintaine: Alright then, let’s go. I’ll be waiting in space in my armored transport.
The next part of the mission is a bit boring, so I'll just summarize it for you. Trent, Quintaine, and his men then launched, killed some Arnold Clones, flew to the “intermittent” jumphole to Leeds, killed more Arnold Clones, and finally got to the planet.
GUNS R’US
Quintaine: Where is Sinclair?
Trent: (Points to a room) In there.
Quintaine: Good, I’ll make sure to avoid that one. Can you just go and get the artifact from her?
(Sinclair walks in)
Quintaine: Oh crap, never mind.
Sinclair: ^_^ QUINTIE-POO!
Quintaine: O_O
Sinclair: We’re together at last!
Quintaine: But-
Sinclair: Now we can run off and get married like we always dreamed!
Quintaine: But-
Sinclair: Come on, we have to go plan the wedding! (Drags him out of the shop)
Quintaine: HELP!!
ENDE CHAPTERE EIGHTE
Tekagi: Hey, it appears they’re going to finish their celebrations. Then they’ll attack again.
Don’t worry; I’ve got a very evil plan to get rid of them which is also very easy to carry out.
Tekagi: What is it?
(Whispers something in his ear)
Tekagi: That’s inhuman!
Trent: Wow, that must be really evil. What do we do, dump a load of acid on them from the air? Flood their camp with radiation so they all die slow and painful deaths?
Tekagi: No, something much worse than that. (Whispers something in his ear)
Trent: O_O (Turns white and faints with shock)
Juni: OK, I don’t think we want to know what that plan is.
Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, prepare the defenses! Oh, and by the way, I finally got away with a cliffhanger! (Starts laughing manically)
King: (Whispering) He’s got some issues.
(Lightning starts flashing with no clouds in the sky) What was that?
King: Nothing, nothing!
Do a barrel roll!
Edited by - Starman Omega on 8/2/2005 6:27:31 AM
Watch out! Incoming catapult!
Orillion: CRAP! (Dives away just in time)
Trent: (Who is wearing a paper Viking helmet, actually all the FL characters are) LOAD THE CATAPULTS!
Nomads: (Somehow load stone balls into the catapults, even though they don’t have any hands)
Trent: (Points a sword outwards) FIRE!!
The catapults fired, scoring a few hits. But then the mob charged, bringing ladders to scale the walls.
They’re charging! Use the boiling oil!
Tekagi: (Pouring boiling oil on the mobsters)
Random Mobster: (Gets hit) AHH! I’M MELTING! MELTIIIIIING!!!!
Tekagi: Crap! We’re out of oil!
Then we’ll go to Plan B! (Pulls a lever. A huge swarm of rabid Zerglings runs out of doors in the wall)
Zerglings: KEKEKEKEKE!! (Attack the mobsters)
Mob: Ack! Retreat! Retreat!
Mob leader: We’ll be overrun in minutes! Send them in now.
(A rather large group of Infested Terrans unburrows)
Infested Terrans: LIVE FOR THE SWARM!
(Obi-Wan style) Oh, not good.
The Infested Terrans then blew themselves and all the Zerglings up. Unfortunately, about half of the IT’s still remained and started running for the gate.
Trent: What will we do! Think of something!
We must distract them while I think of a plan. (Holds up a plastic ball, with a sheet of paper inside) Load this into the catapult and fire it over the mob.
The Nomads then loaded and fired it. After it flew over the mob’s heads, it split open and the sheet of paper dropped to the ground. Of course, it was Chapter 8, and the mobsters
and Infested Terrans immediately broke off their attack to try and be the first to get the chapter.
Trent: Oh, and sorry about the long wait after he said he was starting it. He fainted from the shock of being compared to Neuromancer and his head landed on the “Delete” key.
Chapter 8: Of Ioncross and the Crazy Frog
Things are not always as they seem. For example, did you know that the universe is full of a mysterious, powerful energy? This energy, also known as Ioncross (Magical Author Powers are a kind of variation of this), can even be controlled by humans. Those who master it are capable of amazing things, such as magically creating large sums of money or changing their Starflier armed with only class 1 guns to a fully loaded Eagle. The greatest master of Ioncross was one known only as the CONSOLE. He was so powerful, he could use Ioncross to teleport himself and others across millions of light-years of space or to smite his enemies (a power known as “Kick and Ban” ). The religion of Consolism worships the console as a god and is rumored to have learned to summon his powers. But I’m sure you’re getting bored of this philosophical crap, right? Since you are, just skip to the next paragraph. I mean it. There is nothing of interest left in this paragraph. If you read this last sentence, you’ll have wasted 10 seconds of your life. HA! I wasted 10 seconds of your life that you’ll never get back! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
Well, for once, the chapter didn’t start with Trent landing on a planet with a new ship. Instead, he was flying around in the Dublin system. He had done so many missions against the Corsairs that the Mollys had become neutral, so he was sitting in the Molly Gold Field beaming up the loot from the Mollys who blew up in their own minefield.
Random Molly Pilot: Stay alert! I don’t want to become a corpse before my time because you were daydreamin-(Flies into a mine and explodes)
Random Crazed Molly Pilot: (Flying around hitting mines and constantly using shield batteries) DRINK! (BOOM) DRINK! (Runs out of shield batteries) (BOOM!) DRIIIINK!!! (Explodes)
Random IMG pilot: Hey, what are you doing just sitting around there?
Trent: There’s nothing on TV. (Looks at cargo) Hey, I’ve got tons of stuff now! Time to go sell it and do the next mission!
BATTLESHIP HOOD
Hovis: PRAISE THE CONSOLE!
Trent: Umm…yeah, whatever.
Hovis: THE COMING OF THE AUTO-MAINTANENCE IS NEAR! REPENT NON-BELIEVERS!
Trent: I hate to change the subject, but I heard you know where Quintaine is.
Hovis: I can help you if you beat me in a race, which won’t happen.
Trent: I may surprise you, Hovis. Let’s go!
Hovis: But you are a non-believer so you will never win!
Trent: Well, we can prove that to everyone if we race!
Hovis: Hey, that’s a great idea! Start the race!
RACE COURSE
Announcer: 3…2…1…GO!
Trent and Hovis took off around the course. Hovis was leading most of the time and it looked like a pretty normal race until…
Hovis: My grandma’s faster than you, non-believer!
Trent: (Passes him) What was that?
Hovis: Well...uhhh…my grandma was actually an excellent racer and…
Trent: Yeah, sure. Well, it looks like I’m going to beat you now.
Hovis: I don’t believe this! He must be cheating! (Starts chanting) Oh mighty Console, I call upon you to smite the enemy!
CONSOLE: Why?
Hovis: Because he’s cheating, that’s why!
CONSOLE: He is not cheating. Actually, you were going to use the weapon platforms, which I consider cheating.
Hovis: But-
CONSOLE: Hovis is being fined 10000 credits and sent to the Unknown system for cheating in the race.
Hovis suddenly disappeared, allowing Trent to win.
Trent: Console?
CONSOLE: What?
Trent: I needed him here. He was going to give me some info on where to find Quintaine.
CONSOLE: Don’t worry, I’ll tell you everything you need to know. He’s working on an abandoned mining station called the Glorious in this system.
Trent: But I’ve been around the whole system and there’s nothing like that.
CONSOLE: Just look to your left.
(A large, clearly visible station is sitting out in the asteroid field)
Trent: …That was not there before.
CONSOLE: Just take the tradelane to it.
Trent: What tradelane? There aren’t any tradelanes in Dublin. (Looks around and sees a very noticeable tradelane just 5K out)
Trent: OK, that was definitely not there before. (Tries to dock with it) Hey, it doesn’t even work! What was the point of having to fly out here if I can’t even use the thing! Oh well, I better just go to the station.
Glorious: Negative, leave the area at once.
Trent: How rude!
Glorious: Not you, those Rheinlanders over here.
Trent: Woohoo! A fight!
Yet again, Trent was fighting Arnold Clones. Since those gunships are so easy to destroy, he decided to attack one from the front. When he pulled out 0.001 seconds later, his shields were down and his ship was on fire (Exactly how can you be on fire in space where there’s no oxygen?). Needless to say, that was the first and last time he ever attacked a gunship head-on. However, he just used his bots/bats and went on to win the fight.
STATION GLORIOUS
Quintaine: Alright, who sent you?
Trent: Sinclair did.
Quintaine: Luckily, she has no idea where I am, so that’s hard for me to believe.
Trent: Hey, I was fighting those Rheinlanders too! I helped save your life!
Quintaine: Yes, and I would like to thank you for that. (Talking on radio) Come over here and push him out of the airlock! What? What do you mean “out of order”? Well just torture him then!
Trent: Ha! I’m not afraid of your tortures, Quintaine! I can take anything you can dish out, whether it be the rack, the Chinese water torture, or even Backstreet Boys music!
(2 of Quintaine’s men come in with the Crazy Frog)
Trent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Crazy Frog: Ding ding ding dong blah blah blee blah blah dong…
Trent: MAKE IT STOP! I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING! I HAVE THE ARTIFACT!
Quintaine: What artifact?
Trent: The one Sinclair found on Pygar that was stolen!
Quintaine: Well where is it then?
Trent: Sinclair is working on it back on Leeds but she needs your help to decipher it!
Quintaine: No way am I going within 100 miles of her! I’m sure you know why by now, right?
Trent: (Remembering her sudden outburst in the last chapter) Yes, but you need to come with us. These Rheinlanders are after you and you can either be a live scientist on the run or a dead one in the ground!
Meanwhile, back on Leeds, a sound so loud erupted from Tobias’s shop, Guns R’ Us, that it caused a shockwave that affected everything within 10 miles of ground zero. 400 people became deaf, 900 were sent to the hospital after being severely injured by falling shards of glass, 150 atheists were converted to religion, and for days afterwards parrots would not shut up about line stealing. But let’s get back to the main events here.
Quintaine: Alright then, let’s go. I’ll be waiting in space in my armored transport.
The next part of the mission is a bit boring, so I'll just summarize it for you. Trent, Quintaine, and his men then launched, killed some Arnold Clones, flew to the “intermittent” jumphole to Leeds, killed more Arnold Clones, and finally got to the planet.
GUNS R’US
Quintaine: Where is Sinclair?
Trent: (Points to a room) In there.
Quintaine: Good, I’ll make sure to avoid that one. Can you just go and get the artifact from her?
(Sinclair walks in)
Quintaine: Oh crap, never mind.
Sinclair: ^_^ QUINTIE-POO!
Quintaine: O_O
Sinclair: We’re together at last!
Quintaine: But-
Sinclair: Now we can run off and get married like we always dreamed!
Quintaine: But-
Sinclair: Come on, we have to go plan the wedding! (Drags him out of the shop)
Quintaine: HELP!!
ENDE CHAPTERE EIGHTE
Tekagi: Hey, it appears they’re going to finish their celebrations. Then they’ll attack again.
Don’t worry; I’ve got a very evil plan to get rid of them which is also very easy to carry out.
Tekagi: What is it?
(Whispers something in his ear)
Tekagi: That’s inhuman!
Trent: Wow, that must be really evil. What do we do, dump a load of acid on them from the air? Flood their camp with radiation so they all die slow and painful deaths?
Tekagi: No, something much worse than that. (Whispers something in his ear)
Trent: O_O (Turns white and faints with shock)
Juni: OK, I don’t think we want to know what that plan is.
Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, prepare the defenses! Oh, and by the way, I finally got away with a cliffhanger! (Starts laughing manically)
King: (Whispering) He’s got some issues.
(Lightning starts flashing with no clouds in the sky) What was that?
King: Nothing, nothing!
Do a barrel roll!
Edited by - Starman Omega on 8/2/2005 6:27:31 AM
