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A Freelancer Parody *COMPLETED 7/9/06!*

Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe

Post Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:48 pm

[Hyde Mode)MORE OR WE LYNCH YOU!

[Jekill Mode)Please?

[Hyde)NOW!

Oh and before I forget a litle overdone joke thats not all that funny: WHATEVER YOU DO DONT DO A BARREL ROLL![Ship starts bouncyng off strange black spiky things) NOOOO! WERE IN THE BADLANDS YOU FOOL![Explosion) HEY! You never told me you had level 8 guns on your ship! [Blows up wreckage of traitorus fool and makes towards the nearest base to test new weapons)

We are the Photons. Feel our explosive wrath!

Edited by - PhotonGun on 6/2/2005 7:54:32 PM

Post Fri Jun 03, 2005 6:05 pm

ummmm, yeah. we have medicine for that.

Post Sat Jun 04, 2005 8:43 pm

The only cure for this (Waves gun araund) is more laughter! More! More!

We are the Photons. Feel our explosive wrath!

007

Post Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:43 am

MUST HAVE MORE NOW OR ELSE I WILL GO CRAZY


007

Post Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:58 am

Chapter 7 has FINALLY been started! Sorry about the long wait, I had to do my exams, and then had to get my computer repaired, and I've also been busy with some other things.

Trent: Yeah, really important things, like playing Starcr-*Hit with a taser and falls to the ground unconscious*

Umm...i have absolutely no idea what he's talking about, and...*Runs*

Do a barrel roll!

Post Wed Jun 22, 2005 11:48 am

(In bomb shelter)

Yes, I’ve finally finished Chapter 7!

Trent: Took you long enough!

Nomad 1: BoiNG! zOoM! Now wE caN GEt rId OF tHe MoB! DiNg dInG!

No more sugar for you, ever!

Everyone: I second that.

(Puts the chapter in a cannon)

Trent: What’s that?

It’s how I get it to the mob so I don’t have to go out there. (Pulls down a microphone and a TV screen) Hey Mob, look, I’ve got a treat for you! You want it, huh, you want it? (Hits a button that launches the chapter out) Go get it!

Random Mob Guy 1: Look up in the sky!

RMG 2: It’s a bird!

RMG 3: It’s a plane!

RMG 4: It’s…CHAPTER 7!

The chapter landed right in the middle of the mob. Naturally, a big fight ensued over who was going to keep it.

(Much later)

Tobias: D’oh, we’re out of popcorn! Hey, are there any copies of War and Peace around here?

(The fight suddenly ends. The mobsters are all severely injured and being carried off in ambulances)

Tobias: Never mind.

(Later)

Mob: Hey, we’re back! Where is the chapter? Is it safe?

Juni: (Gets an evil grin, causing everyone to step back)

What?

Juni: (Whispers something in my ear)

(Mr. Burns voice) Eeexcelent.

Mob: WELL?!

Oh, it seems that in your anger, you destroyed the only copy.

Mob: What? It can’t be! We saw it!

I think you can guess what happened next. If you can’t, then remember the scene with Darth Vader in Revenge of the Sith. If you haven’t seen it, then go see it now before I sic Nomad 1 on you. But anyway, all windows within 200 miles spontaneously exploded and several rock concerts on Mars were canceled.

Actually, I do have another copy. Can’t you take a joke? (Shoots another copy out) Now let’s start the actual story!

Chapter 7: Attack of the (Arnold Schwarzenegger) Clones

Yet again, the chapter started with Trent landing on a planet in a new ship. He hadn’t had any trouble with getting there, since the pirates were all paralyzed with laughter at his ugly ship, allowing him enough time to get away. He then met Juni in the bar (Why is it that Juni always meets you in bars, anyway?) and talked with some guy called Vance and got some information on how to find Dr. Quintaine.

Juni: Trent, I need your help with this. Are you up for it?

Trent: No, I’m back in Bretonia now, so I don’t have to help anymore!

Juni: (Instantly turns very scary) DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND THIS GUY?!

Trent: Eep, OK, I’ll help you!

Juni: (Instantly turns back to normal) Thank you. We’ll have to leave right now.

Trent: To the Fishmobile!

Juni: What the heck is that?

Trent: My ship, it’s right over there. (points to it)

IN SPACE

Trent: Where do we have to go? And stop laughing at me!

Juni: To...HAHAHAHA…Planet Sprague in…HAHAHAHA…Omega-3…HAHAHAHAHA!! Let’s take the…HAHAHA…tradelane.

Battleship Norfolk: Be advised, tensions between Bretonia and Rheinland have escalated and OMG WHAT IS THAT THING YOU’RE IN?

Trent then somehow heard laughter coming from the battleship, even though there is no air in space. Later, it would be discovered that sound over 150 dB is capable of traveling in a vacuum. Also, the entire crew of the Norfolk was later found floating around in space due to all the windows shattering simultaneously.

OMEGA-3

Freeport 1: Rheinland has set up blockades in Omega-7, so you’ll have to stay here until the crisis is over.

Juni: We’re heading to Sprague, not to Rheinland.

Freeport 1: OK, but Sprague is beyond our patrol routes, so we won’t be able to help you if you’re attacked.

Trent: Hey, since when do the Zoners help people who are attacked? They’re neutral with everyone!

Suddenly, a wormhole opened and dropped a very confused Dr. Sinclair in her freighter right in front of them.

Sinclair: OK, what in the name of Lfba’vzjnxklgadsfg just happened?

Juni: I think a wormhole just opened and sucked you in.

Trent: That wasn’t a wormhole, that was a plot hole!

Sinclair: …

Juni: Well, let’s find somewhere to hide out. The Rheinlanders are probably looking for us.

Sinclair: We can go to Baxter Research Station. I don’t think they’ll find us there.

Juni: Hey, why do you trust us? You don’t even know our names!

Of course, this caused another plot hole to appear and they were sent nearer to Baxter Research Station. Then they heard 3 voices talking which sounded like Clone Arnolds. More precisely, one was singing and the other two were screaming.

Clone 1: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!

Clone 2: (Flying around erratically) AGHHHHHHH! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!

Clone 1: What, you don’t like that song?

Clone 3: NO!!!

Clone 1: OK, then let’s have a screeching competition! I’ll go first. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Clone 2: (Notices Trent) Hey, you there in the ugly ship!

Trent: -_- What?

Clone 2: We’ve been trapped with this guy for 2 days now. Please kill him and we’ll help you.

Trent: But I can’t even see him.

Clone 2: Oh yeah, he's cloaked. I’ll shoot him with an EMP missile and you shoot him when he’s visible.

Clone 1: You go next, Clone 841.

Clone 2 (who we also know as clone 841) DIIIIIIIIIE! (Shoots a Neutralizer Missile)

Clone 1: Hey, that’s pretty good! Wait, did you just shoot me?

Trent: (Shoots Clone 1)

Clone 1: Eep! (Flies off)

Clone 3: HALLELUJAH!

Clone 2: PARTY! PARTY!

Clone 3: Since you got rid of him, we’ll help you for the rest of this mission.

But you’re not supposed to show up until they get to Cambridge.

Clone 3: Fine then, we’ll just come back later.

BAXTER RESEARCH STATION

Sinclair: So why were you looking for me?

Trent: We thought you’d know where Dr. Quintaine is. He’s disappeared and we need to find him so he can identify this alien artifact.

Sinclair: Did you just say Quintaine?

Trent: Yes, why-

Sinclair: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I MISS MY QUINTIE-POO!!

Trent: O_o

Sinclair: PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME FIND HIM!

Trent: Well that’s what we’re trying to do, so we are helping you!

Sinclair: (Suddenly very calm) Oh, thanks.

Trent: Am I the only sane one here?

Juni: Don’t worry, we can soon change that.

Sinclair: Hey, look outside.

Trent: What?

Sinclair: It’s a view like this that got me into archaeology in the first place. I wondered what a more ancient race must have thought of what life, the universe, and everything were about. So I decided to study the Dom K’vosh, a race that came 10 million years before mankind. And then…

2 HOURS LATER

Sinclair: …And that’s everything that happened in my life up until now. Any questions?

Trent: *Snore*

Juni: Hey, the Rheinlanders have found us, and the station is exploding around us! There’s only one thing to do now…Go to the equipment dealer!

So after buying some new equipment and ammo and talking to everyone in the bar, Trent, Juni, and Sinclair launched into space. Of course, as soon as they launched, the station exploded instantly. They were about to engage the Rheinlanders when the two clones from earlier, which are Clones 841 and 9320, flew up and told them what happened. The rest of the clones were too busy singing “Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead” to notice Trent, Juni, and Sinclair escaping. Then they jumped into Cambridge and met the two clones.

Clone 9320: There’s a jumphole to Leeds near here. It’s not guarded well, though. We’ll cloak and give them a little surprise.

Battleship Wotan: Trent, Commander Zane, hand over the artifact and we will spare your lives.

Clones: (Launch torpedoes)

Wotan: It’s a trap! We’ve been sucked into the Cutscene Zone! Incoming torpedoes! ABANDON SHIP! (Blows up)

Clone 841: We have to destroy the fighters!

Trent: Okley doakley!

PLANET LEEDS

Juni: Let’s meet in the equipment dealer.

Trent: Not in the bar?

Juni: No.

Trent: Are you serious?

Juni: Yes, we’re meeting at the equipment dealer.

Trent: (Holds up a cross) I cast you out! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Juni: Maybe this is why I don’t do this more often!

Trent: Oh.

EQUIPMENT DEALER

Trent: Tobias, we need a safe place to lay low for a while.

Tobias: (Staring at Juni)

Trent: I really wouldn’t do that. She’s insane, you know.

Juni: Trent, this is going to take some time. I suggest you find some work. (Notices Tobias is staring at her) What?

Tobias: I don’t remember when I ever saw such a vision of loveliness.

An ambulance was later seen leaving Tobias’s shop.

ENDE CHAPTERE SEVENE

Trent: Hey, did you notice the name of the chapter doesn’t follow your theme, Of ___ and ___?

Wow, I never noticed that! You’ve made a major scientific breakthrough!

Trent: Thanks!

That was sarcasm, Trent. You should stop hanging around with Rogues; stupidity can be contagious, you know.

Rogue: Hey, are you insulting us?

Mob: (Start setting up catapults and battering rams)

Wait, what are you doing?

Mob: You took way too long to make that chapter. We’re taking you hostage!

Crap! (Teleports back into the bomb shelter)

Trent: What’s going on?

We’re under attack! Cut the bridges! To arms! To arms!


Do a barrel roll!

Edited by - Starman Omega on 6/22/2005 3:13:40 PM

Post Thu Jun 23, 2005 11:32 am

Lol good to finally see another update here

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who closes the doors behind him?

Post Mon Jun 27, 2005 10:00 am

*finally manages to catch his breath*
more please... can't stop..... laughing.... Rolfmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post Mon Jun 27, 2005 3:24 pm

This is awesome! I NEED more!!!

The Computer, probably the friend in the world

Post Mon Jun 27, 2005 3:57 pm

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
did i win?

Edited by - {SSF}The Shroud{****} on 6/27/2005 4:57:34 PM

Post Mon Jun 27, 2005 5:24 pm

Excellent, yet again. You write the way my mind works...

Post Thu Jun 30, 2005 7:07 pm

This is funny as crap keep it up.

Qoute:Hmmm- My spoofy sense is tingling.

If something is worth a laugh then its worth your time.

Post Fri Jul 01, 2005 4:55 pm

Perhaps your next project should be to re-record all of the FL dialogue using this script and a gaggle of people with British accents.


Edit- swap all the new dialogue with the old files and release it as a mod.

Edited by - J Dawg on 7/2/2005 7:33:40 PM

Post Sat Jul 02, 2005 6:01 pm

It shall be called SpoofLancer .

Post Tue Jul 05, 2005 11:27 pm

Stop it, my brain hurts. Keep it up.

Some people are like slinkies. They don't do anything, but you can't help but smile as they tumble down the stairs.

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