anyway can't wait for the next chapter ^^
-Mike020389
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A Freelancer Parody *COMPLETED 7/9/06!*
Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe
Wed Oct 12, 2005 8:57 am
Don't worry, unless I get a flood of homework, Chapter 10 is coming tomorrow!
Edit: Sorry I couldn't get it done today, it's taking me much longer to write than I thought it would. However it is by far the longest chapter in the story.
Do a barrel roll!
Want to get the chapters of A Freelancer Parody before anyone else? Click here for more info.
Edited by - Starman Omega on 10/13/2005 2:10:57 PM
Edit: Sorry I couldn't get it done today, it's taking me much longer to write than I thought it would. However it is by far the longest chapter in the story.
Do a barrel roll!
Want to get the chapters of A Freelancer Parody before anyone else? Click here for more info.
Edited by - Starman Omega on 10/13/2005 2:10:57 PM
Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:47 pm
Mike951, Ive had this name ever since I have played online, i use my name Mike020389 on any and every game/forum I have ever been on, its my nick name and date of birth, had this name for about 2-3 years...
back on topic cannot wait for the next chapter
Edited by - Mike020389 on 10/13/2005 2:48:13 PM
back on topic cannot wait for the next chapter
Edited by - Mike020389 on 10/13/2005 2:48:13 PM
Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:03 am
This is just great. I hope you’re happy now, Sinclair.
Sinclair: What?
To get them to let me go, I had to lend them my new fleet of Protoss Carriers! I was going to use them to destroy the mob’s fortress! You’d better hope none get destroyed, or you’ll spend the rest of your life in an SCV mining minerals to pay me off!
Trent: Why would they need so all of those Carriers?
Well apparently, the Lord of the Rings universe is being completely destroyed by what could possibly be the worst fanfic ever made. It’s one of those where an absolutely perfect girl (otherwise known as a Mary-Sue) is magically teleported into Middle-Earth and ends up joining the Fellowship. She usually does all the important stuff, steals lines from other characters to look cool, and falls in love with Legolas. Always falls in love with Legolas. And this is the worst yet. Now usually the PPC would go in and kill the Sue, but this one has become Queen of Middle-Earth and is very heavily guarded, along with all her magic powers. So they need some Carriers to kill her easily. Hey, it looks like it’s starting now. (Pulls down a screen)
The screen showed Minas Tirith, with the new queen Serena standing on the ledge on top with everyone else worshipping her. Standing beside her was King Legolas (WTF?). It was a perfectly normal day there, but unknown to them, an Arbiter, cloaked by a SEP field, was making its way towards them. It finally reached Minas Tirith and stopped. Normally it would be invisible, since to see through a SEP field, you have to know exactly what it is you’re looking at, and no one even knew what the heck a spaceship was, much less thought one was sitting right on their doorstep. At least not until a voice came out.
PPC agent: Serena, you have been charged with completely annihilating the plot of Lord of the Rings, becoming Queen of Middle-Earth, making Legolas fall in love with you, making Legolas become King, killing Sauron, being a Mary-Sue, and pissing us off. Your punishment is death.
Serena: Ha! I’d like to see you try. (Creates a magic shield)
The Arbiter immediately recalled in the fleet of Protoss Carriers and flew off.
Serena: NOOOOOOOOO!! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!
Now normally, this shield would block almost anything, but Carriers=Instant Win, so the shield didn’t work. Instead she just died in a storm of Pulse Cannon fire.
Now normally when the character that is destroying the plot is killed, everything snaps back into reality. However, the change was so great this time that a “snap” could actually be heard.
PPC agents: O_o
Then one quick flash of the PPC Super-Neuralizer later, and Serena had never existed. She hadn’t been teleported into Middle-Earth, hadn’t killed Sauron, hadn’t become Queen, and certainly she hadn’t been killed by a fleet of Protoss Carriers, because they had never been warped in by an Arbiter that also didn’t exist. In short, everything was back to normal.
(Turns off the TV screen) Well, you got lucky there. You should go out and buy a lottery ticket or something.
Tekagi: Has it occurred to you to give them Chapter 10 already? They must be bored of all this LoTR stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with the story, and they’re probably planning an attack right now!
Good idea. I’ll go shoot it into their fortress. (Uses the cannon to fire it into the fortress window. Immediately dust can be seen flying out the window from the ensuing fight.)
Mobster: (Severely beaten and bruised) Yay, I got it!
Chapter 10: THE CAPSHIPS, OH GOD THE CAPSHIPS!!
Trent: You’re lucky to be alive!
Juni: For the last time Trent; there were no Rheinlanders on that station! Anyway, I got some nanobots for you.
Trent: No, I don’t want them! They’ll be sabotaged and they’ll eat up my hull!
Juni: Alright, but don’t blame me when you’re flying around in an escape pod. By the way, where are we going?
Quintaine: Kress told me to go to Shinkaku and ask the bartender. Let’s head to the trade lane.
Trent: No! He’s setting a trap! (Flies the other way)
MISSION FAILED
Trent: D’OH! I guess I have to play along. (Flies with them to the tradelane)
Juni: Something is very wrong here.
Big Rheinland Fleet: (Decloaks)
Trent: See? What did I tell you!
Juni: It’s a trap!
Trent: Really? I thought they were selling cookies!
Sinclair: I’ve got a great idea!
Trent: What?
Sinclair: RUN!!
Tobias: Get away, I’ll hold them off since my wingmen for some reason never showed up!
Trent: Why would you do that, they’re not even chasing us!
Tobias: Good point. Alright, we’re at the tradelane. You first, Trent!
Trent: Why me, I’m always first!
Juni: (Turns very freaky looking again) Grrrrrrr…
Trent: O_O I see your point. (Gets in the tradelane)
*Tradelane Disrupted* (A Bigger Rheinland Fleet {Yes, I know it’s actually only 2 gunboats but I’m going to call it that anyway because it sounds better than having Bigger before Big-(Quintaine: Alright, we get it!)Fine then, be that way} is waiting for them)
Juni: They’ve disrupted the tradelane!
Trent: No, really?!
Tobias: Trent, let’s fight the gunships. Everyone else, get to the jumphole!
Trent: Yay! I finally get to kill something! (Shoots a torpedo at a gunboat, which, if you don’t know, seem to take almost no damage from torps) OK, that must have malfunctioned or something. (Shoots another one) AHHHH! It’s a trap! They’ve sent us those crap gunboats this whole time so we’d think they’re useless in combat, now we’re fighting a real one!
Tobias: They just have torpedo-proof armor, use your guns!
Trent: We’re dead! (Starts flying in circles) There’s no escaping our doom! The Rheinlanders are everywhere!
Tobias: -_- Fine, let’s just get out of here.
Trent: They’ll just chase us! And then there will be more wherever we go! (Still flying in circles)
Tobias: If you don’t come with me, I’ll tell the author about you feeding the Nomads chocolate! (Holds up a badly drawn picture of me charging up a Hadoken and Trent trying to run away)
Trent: On second thought, following you will be just fine.
TAU-29
Quintaine: Well, we’re at Shinkaku. I’ll dock and see if there really is a message. In fact, we should all dock here to repair and rearm ourselves, even though we probably won’t get attacked again.
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: Just you wait…
Trent: I’m not going in there!
Tobias: Remember? Nomads. Chocolate. Author.
Trent: Alright, I’m coming.
Tobias: Thank you.
SHINKAKU STATION
Trent was currently in the equipment dealer. Even though the equipment there was much better than what he currently had, he refused to buy anything because he was convinced that it was sabotaged.
Trent: (Currently looking inside an Advanced Thruster) Well, it seems OK. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong with it!
Equipment dealer: For the last time, there is nothing wrong with that thruster! I just got it in today!
Trent: But there must be some kind of trap. Nothing’s ever that easy! I’m not buying anything!
ED: (Waves hand) There is nothing wrong with my equipment.
Trent: There is nothing wrong with your equipment. I’ll just take the thruster, along with that shield and countermeasure dropper.
ED: Hey, it worked! Thanks for the Jedi mind trick powers!
No problem. It’s actually more for his safety than anything else. (Whispering) You see, he’s going to be attacked by a *&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet.
Trent: Hey, what are you whispering about?
(Waves hand) Nothing.
Trent: Nothing. I see.
(Dark Side points gained)
IN SPACE
Juni: You know, there actually was a message for Quintaine. He gave us coordinates to Kress’s location.
Trent: Alright, let’s go!
Sinclair: Aren’t you going to say something along the lines of “No, it’s a trap”?
Trent: I got tired of being threatened by Juni.
Juni: ^_^
(A bit later)
Quintaine: We’re coming up on the end of the asteroid field. From now on, we’re without cover.
Sinclair: Say, how did you think of that title?
You’ll find out in about, oh, 10 seconds.
Sinclair: What do you mean? Radar is clear!
Trent: NO, NEVER SAY THAT YOU FOOL!
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: (Decloaks)
Trent: THE CAPSHIPS, OH GOD THE CAPSHIPS!!
Sinclair: Ah, I see.
Juni: It’s a trap! Prepare to retreat! Our fighters can’t repel firepower of that magnitude!
Quintaine: Oh great, now she has the Admiral Ackbar syndrome!
Trent: What is that?
Quintaine: It’s where you talk like Admiral Ackbar all the time. The only cure is a long vacation.
Juni: What is this “vacation” you speak of?
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: *Ahem*
Trent: Oh, sorry. Anyways, we’re in a cutscene, and there are new contacts coming in fast! We’ll be saved in no time!
Then, Razor-One’s wing showed up and fired their missiles. Unfortunately, the fleet was not sucked into the Cutscene Zone and took almost no damage. Then the cutscene ended, and the entire fleet started shooting at Trent.
Trent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Dodging fire)
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: (Continue shooting at Trent)
Trent: (Screaming like that girl in War of the Worlds)
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet commander: My ears! (Fleet starts shooting at Juni instead)
Juni: Ha, you can’t kill me! (Gets all her weapons shot off) D’OH!
This eventually happened to everyone, so Trent had to surrender. However, right at that moment, a huge ship flew in. It was shaped like a cube, but didn’t look like a Borg cube. Instead it was painted like a box for a Gateway computer (If you don’t know, it’s the same color as a cow). There seemed to be singing coming from it that could be picked up on the radio.
???: We will fight for bovine freedom, and hold our large heads high! We will run free with the buffalo, or diiiiieee! Rheinlanders, you will pay for sponsoring the cattle ranches on Stuttgart!
Then the Cow Cube opened fire on the *&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet and due to its massive size (it was 4 times the size of a Rheinland battleship), destroyed them very quickly.
Quintaine: Of all the people who could have showed up, we have been saved by the Cows with Guns?
Cows with Guns: Yep, that’s us! By the way, you don’t eat beef, right?
Trent: No, I’m a vegetarian, of course!
CwG: Is that a McDonalds bag we see?
Trent: Ummmm…no, I have no idea what you’re talking about! Oh, look at the time! I think we better get going now. (Everyone cruises off)
CwG: HEY! GET BACK HERE!
Trent: This whole thing is taking years off my life! I’m going to be old and wrinkled before this is over!
Quintaine: Hey, we’re coming up on the methane field. Be careful, some pockets are explosive.
Trent: Ah ha! So you have to go through explosive gases to get there, and they probably kill you in one hit! They won’t get me, though. I’m not going through this!
Juni: Alright, then you can choose between that and more Rheinland fleets!
Trent: Actually, the gas field sounds pretty good to me. (Starts flying through and expertly dodging the gases) Hey, this isn’t so hard! (Sees a gas pocket right in front of him) OH CRA-(Flies through and takes a whopping 0 damage) Hey, these don’t even hurt me! Uh oh, that means there will be some catch when we get there. I’m ready for it though.
Juni: (Slams head against dashboard, or whatever the equivalent in FL is)
Razor-One: Here’s the jumphole to the Tau-23 system. Kress is in a base there.
Juni: Finally! Trent, go in first.
Trent: No! I refuse to go first this time, and nothing can make me!
Juni: (Rams Trent through the jumphole) Well that’s one way to do it!
However, seconds later, Trent came flying back out in cruise, screaming at the top of his lungs.
Trent: AHHHHHHHHH RADIATION!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! RADIATIONY DEATH RAINS UPON US! WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED US, CONSOLE, WHY!?
(Strangely, Trent’s ship flies back)
Trent: Zzzzz…
Quintaine: What happened here?
Those Mysterious Author powers can be very useful at times. He should be out for a while, so I’ll just control his ship for you.
Sinclair: Finally we’re rid of his insane babbling!
Juni: PARTY! PARTY!
Quntaine: Maybe we should party at Cali Base, so we don’t get more Rheinlanders attacking us.
Juni: Good idea.
CALI BASE
(Trent is awake now, but cured of his paranoia)
Quintaine: We’ll need the Proteus Tome to decipher the artifact. It’s held in the Kusari Natural History Museum.
Kress: Well that shouldn’t be too difficult, we have an agent there, Lord Hakkera.
Trent: No, I’m going to get it, it’ll be too boring sitting around here.
Juni: I’m going too!
Trent: Oh, wait, I’ve changed my mind!
Juni: >_<
ENDE CHAPTERE TENE
Von Claussen: Hey, what should we do about this fortress? And finally I get a line!
Well if is wasn’t for SOMEONE here, I could use my Carriers, but they won’t be back in time. Any other ideas?
Nomad 1: Hey, we could launch a Nomad Uber-Nuke!
Is this going to lead to more incidents with the PPC?
Nomad 1: No, it’s just new weapon we have. And this isn’t part of the story, so it shouldn’t matter.
Alright then, go ahead.
Nomad 2: How strong of a blast can this withstand?
My base? It’s so strong it can take a 50 megaton blast at 3000 feet!
Nomad 2: No, that’s not nearly good enough. It would have to be at least 25 miles away.
Just how big is this thing?
Nomad 1: You’ll see when it goes off. Didn’t you say this place has a flying ability?
Yep, just got it installed yesterday. I’ll go start it up! (Bomb shelter lifts off and starts flying) I thought it could go faster than this. Oh well.
3 HOURS LATER
We have arrived, everyone! Do the honors, nomads!
Nomads: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Wake up!
Nomad 1: What?
We’re here. Launch the nuke!
The Nomads then pulled out guns, which is very strange considering they have nowhere to pull them out from. But anyway, they aimed laser sights at the mob fortress, and if you were closer, you’d see two flashing red dots on the fortress wall, similar to a certain video game we all know.
Computer: NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED
Inside, everyone!
Nomad 2: Impact in 5…4…3…2…1…
Now I won’t get into the full effects of a 15-gigaton bomb exploding in the desert, but I will say that church attendance dramatically increased after this, at least after they cleared the radioactive sand that covered streets to a depth of 2 feet in some places. A crater 20 miles wide was discovered in the middle of the desert, where the first person stupid enough to go in without radiation protection was quickly turned extra-crispy. The second person did have a radiation suit, but he still glowed for 3 days after. But the main thing is the mob was finally defeated.
Trent: Yes, we can finally get out of here!
Tekagi: Oh, and the PPC actually do exist, go to http://www.misssandman.com/PPC/ppc.html. Read the stories, they’re quite funny.
Do a barrel roll!
Want to get the chapters of A Freelancer Parody before anyone else? Click here for more info.
Edited by - Starman Omega on 10/14/2005 12:23:49 PM
Sinclair: What?
To get them to let me go, I had to lend them my new fleet of Protoss Carriers! I was going to use them to destroy the mob’s fortress! You’d better hope none get destroyed, or you’ll spend the rest of your life in an SCV mining minerals to pay me off!
Trent: Why would they need so all of those Carriers?
Well apparently, the Lord of the Rings universe is being completely destroyed by what could possibly be the worst fanfic ever made. It’s one of those where an absolutely perfect girl (otherwise known as a Mary-Sue) is magically teleported into Middle-Earth and ends up joining the Fellowship. She usually does all the important stuff, steals lines from other characters to look cool, and falls in love with Legolas. Always falls in love with Legolas. And this is the worst yet. Now usually the PPC would go in and kill the Sue, but this one has become Queen of Middle-Earth and is very heavily guarded, along with all her magic powers. So they need some Carriers to kill her easily. Hey, it looks like it’s starting now. (Pulls down a screen)
The screen showed Minas Tirith, with the new queen Serena standing on the ledge on top with everyone else worshipping her. Standing beside her was King Legolas (WTF?). It was a perfectly normal day there, but unknown to them, an Arbiter, cloaked by a SEP field, was making its way towards them. It finally reached Minas Tirith and stopped. Normally it would be invisible, since to see through a SEP field, you have to know exactly what it is you’re looking at, and no one even knew what the heck a spaceship was, much less thought one was sitting right on their doorstep. At least not until a voice came out.
PPC agent: Serena, you have been charged with completely annihilating the plot of Lord of the Rings, becoming Queen of Middle-Earth, making Legolas fall in love with you, making Legolas become King, killing Sauron, being a Mary-Sue, and pissing us off. Your punishment is death.
Serena: Ha! I’d like to see you try. (Creates a magic shield)
The Arbiter immediately recalled in the fleet of Protoss Carriers and flew off.
Serena: NOOOOOOOOO!! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!
Now normally, this shield would block almost anything, but Carriers=Instant Win, so the shield didn’t work. Instead she just died in a storm of Pulse Cannon fire.
Now normally when the character that is destroying the plot is killed, everything snaps back into reality. However, the change was so great this time that a “snap” could actually be heard.
PPC agents: O_o
Then one quick flash of the PPC Super-Neuralizer later, and Serena had never existed. She hadn’t been teleported into Middle-Earth, hadn’t killed Sauron, hadn’t become Queen, and certainly she hadn’t been killed by a fleet of Protoss Carriers, because they had never been warped in by an Arbiter that also didn’t exist. In short, everything was back to normal.
(Turns off the TV screen) Well, you got lucky there. You should go out and buy a lottery ticket or something.
Tekagi: Has it occurred to you to give them Chapter 10 already? They must be bored of all this LoTR stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with the story, and they’re probably planning an attack right now!
Good idea. I’ll go shoot it into their fortress. (Uses the cannon to fire it into the fortress window. Immediately dust can be seen flying out the window from the ensuing fight.)
Mobster: (Severely beaten and bruised) Yay, I got it!
Chapter 10: THE CAPSHIPS, OH GOD THE CAPSHIPS!!
Trent: You’re lucky to be alive!
Juni: For the last time Trent; there were no Rheinlanders on that station! Anyway, I got some nanobots for you.
Trent: No, I don’t want them! They’ll be sabotaged and they’ll eat up my hull!
Juni: Alright, but don’t blame me when you’re flying around in an escape pod. By the way, where are we going?
Quintaine: Kress told me to go to Shinkaku and ask the bartender. Let’s head to the trade lane.
Trent: No! He’s setting a trap! (Flies the other way)
MISSION FAILED
Trent: D’OH! I guess I have to play along. (Flies with them to the tradelane)
Juni: Something is very wrong here.
Big Rheinland Fleet: (Decloaks)
Trent: See? What did I tell you!
Juni: It’s a trap!
Trent: Really? I thought they were selling cookies!
Sinclair: I’ve got a great idea!
Trent: What?
Sinclair: RUN!!
Tobias: Get away, I’ll hold them off since my wingmen for some reason never showed up!
Trent: Why would you do that, they’re not even chasing us!
Tobias: Good point. Alright, we’re at the tradelane. You first, Trent!
Trent: Why me, I’m always first!
Juni: (Turns very freaky looking again) Grrrrrrr…
Trent: O_O I see your point. (Gets in the tradelane)
*Tradelane Disrupted* (A Bigger Rheinland Fleet {Yes, I know it’s actually only 2 gunboats but I’m going to call it that anyway because it sounds better than having Bigger before Big-(Quintaine: Alright, we get it!)Fine then, be that way} is waiting for them)
Juni: They’ve disrupted the tradelane!
Trent: No, really?!
Tobias: Trent, let’s fight the gunships. Everyone else, get to the jumphole!
Trent: Yay! I finally get to kill something! (Shoots a torpedo at a gunboat, which, if you don’t know, seem to take almost no damage from torps) OK, that must have malfunctioned or something. (Shoots another one) AHHHH! It’s a trap! They’ve sent us those crap gunboats this whole time so we’d think they’re useless in combat, now we’re fighting a real one!
Tobias: They just have torpedo-proof armor, use your guns!
Trent: We’re dead! (Starts flying in circles) There’s no escaping our doom! The Rheinlanders are everywhere!
Tobias: -_- Fine, let’s just get out of here.
Trent: They’ll just chase us! And then there will be more wherever we go! (Still flying in circles)
Tobias: If you don’t come with me, I’ll tell the author about you feeding the Nomads chocolate! (Holds up a badly drawn picture of me charging up a Hadoken and Trent trying to run away)
Trent: On second thought, following you will be just fine.
TAU-29
Quintaine: Well, we’re at Shinkaku. I’ll dock and see if there really is a message. In fact, we should all dock here to repair and rearm ourselves, even though we probably won’t get attacked again.
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: Just you wait…
Trent: I’m not going in there!
Tobias: Remember? Nomads. Chocolate. Author.
Trent: Alright, I’m coming.
Tobias: Thank you.
SHINKAKU STATION
Trent was currently in the equipment dealer. Even though the equipment there was much better than what he currently had, he refused to buy anything because he was convinced that it was sabotaged.
Trent: (Currently looking inside an Advanced Thruster) Well, it seems OK. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong with it!
Equipment dealer: For the last time, there is nothing wrong with that thruster! I just got it in today!
Trent: But there must be some kind of trap. Nothing’s ever that easy! I’m not buying anything!
ED: (Waves hand) There is nothing wrong with my equipment.
Trent: There is nothing wrong with your equipment. I’ll just take the thruster, along with that shield and countermeasure dropper.
ED: Hey, it worked! Thanks for the Jedi mind trick powers!
No problem. It’s actually more for his safety than anything else. (Whispering) You see, he’s going to be attacked by a *&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet.
Trent: Hey, what are you whispering about?
(Waves hand) Nothing.
Trent: Nothing. I see.
(Dark Side points gained)
IN SPACE
Juni: You know, there actually was a message for Quintaine. He gave us coordinates to Kress’s location.
Trent: Alright, let’s go!
Sinclair: Aren’t you going to say something along the lines of “No, it’s a trap”?
Trent: I got tired of being threatened by Juni.
Juni: ^_^
(A bit later)
Quintaine: We’re coming up on the end of the asteroid field. From now on, we’re without cover.
Sinclair: Say, how did you think of that title?
You’ll find out in about, oh, 10 seconds.
Sinclair: What do you mean? Radar is clear!
Trent: NO, NEVER SAY THAT YOU FOOL!
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: (Decloaks)
Trent: THE CAPSHIPS, OH GOD THE CAPSHIPS!!
Sinclair: Ah, I see.
Juni: It’s a trap! Prepare to retreat! Our fighters can’t repel firepower of that magnitude!
Quintaine: Oh great, now she has the Admiral Ackbar syndrome!
Trent: What is that?
Quintaine: It’s where you talk like Admiral Ackbar all the time. The only cure is a long vacation.
Juni: What is this “vacation” you speak of?
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: *Ahem*
Trent: Oh, sorry. Anyways, we’re in a cutscene, and there are new contacts coming in fast! We’ll be saved in no time!
Then, Razor-One’s wing showed up and fired their missiles. Unfortunately, the fleet was not sucked into the Cutscene Zone and took almost no damage. Then the cutscene ended, and the entire fleet started shooting at Trent.
Trent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Dodging fire)
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet: (Continue shooting at Trent)
Trent: (Screaming like that girl in War of the Worlds)
*&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet commander: My ears! (Fleet starts shooting at Juni instead)
Juni: Ha, you can’t kill me! (Gets all her weapons shot off) D’OH!
This eventually happened to everyone, so Trent had to surrender. However, right at that moment, a huge ship flew in. It was shaped like a cube, but didn’t look like a Borg cube. Instead it was painted like a box for a Gateway computer (If you don’t know, it’s the same color as a cow). There seemed to be singing coming from it that could be picked up on the radio.
???: We will fight for bovine freedom, and hold our large heads high! We will run free with the buffalo, or diiiiieee! Rheinlanders, you will pay for sponsoring the cattle ranches on Stuttgart!
Then the Cow Cube opened fire on the *&$#^&(%#(*ing HUGE Rheinland Fleet and due to its massive size (it was 4 times the size of a Rheinland battleship), destroyed them very quickly.
Quintaine: Of all the people who could have showed up, we have been saved by the Cows with Guns?
Cows with Guns: Yep, that’s us! By the way, you don’t eat beef, right?
Trent: No, I’m a vegetarian, of course!
CwG: Is that a McDonalds bag we see?
Trent: Ummmm…no, I have no idea what you’re talking about! Oh, look at the time! I think we better get going now. (Everyone cruises off)
CwG: HEY! GET BACK HERE!
Trent: This whole thing is taking years off my life! I’m going to be old and wrinkled before this is over!
Quintaine: Hey, we’re coming up on the methane field. Be careful, some pockets are explosive.
Trent: Ah ha! So you have to go through explosive gases to get there, and they probably kill you in one hit! They won’t get me, though. I’m not going through this!
Juni: Alright, then you can choose between that and more Rheinland fleets!
Trent: Actually, the gas field sounds pretty good to me. (Starts flying through and expertly dodging the gases) Hey, this isn’t so hard! (Sees a gas pocket right in front of him) OH CRA-(Flies through and takes a whopping 0 damage) Hey, these don’t even hurt me! Uh oh, that means there will be some catch when we get there. I’m ready for it though.
Juni: (Slams head against dashboard, or whatever the equivalent in FL is)
Razor-One: Here’s the jumphole to the Tau-23 system. Kress is in a base there.
Juni: Finally! Trent, go in first.
Trent: No! I refuse to go first this time, and nothing can make me!
Juni: (Rams Trent through the jumphole) Well that’s one way to do it!
However, seconds later, Trent came flying back out in cruise, screaming at the top of his lungs.
Trent: AHHHHHHHHH RADIATION!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! RADIATIONY DEATH RAINS UPON US! WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED US, CONSOLE, WHY!?
(Strangely, Trent’s ship flies back)
Trent: Zzzzz…
Quintaine: What happened here?
Those Mysterious Author powers can be very useful at times. He should be out for a while, so I’ll just control his ship for you.
Sinclair: Finally we’re rid of his insane babbling!
Juni: PARTY! PARTY!
Quntaine: Maybe we should party at Cali Base, so we don’t get more Rheinlanders attacking us.
Juni: Good idea.
CALI BASE
(Trent is awake now, but cured of his paranoia)
Quintaine: We’ll need the Proteus Tome to decipher the artifact. It’s held in the Kusari Natural History Museum.
Kress: Well that shouldn’t be too difficult, we have an agent there, Lord Hakkera.
Trent: No, I’m going to get it, it’ll be too boring sitting around here.
Juni: I’m going too!
Trent: Oh, wait, I’ve changed my mind!
Juni: >_<
ENDE CHAPTERE TENE
Von Claussen: Hey, what should we do about this fortress? And finally I get a line!
Well if is wasn’t for SOMEONE here, I could use my Carriers, but they won’t be back in time. Any other ideas?
Nomad 1: Hey, we could launch a Nomad Uber-Nuke!
Is this going to lead to more incidents with the PPC?
Nomad 1: No, it’s just new weapon we have. And this isn’t part of the story, so it shouldn’t matter.
Alright then, go ahead.
Nomad 2: How strong of a blast can this withstand?
My base? It’s so strong it can take a 50 megaton blast at 3000 feet!
Nomad 2: No, that’s not nearly good enough. It would have to be at least 25 miles away.
Just how big is this thing?
Nomad 1: You’ll see when it goes off. Didn’t you say this place has a flying ability?
Yep, just got it installed yesterday. I’ll go start it up! (Bomb shelter lifts off and starts flying) I thought it could go faster than this. Oh well.
3 HOURS LATER
We have arrived, everyone! Do the honors, nomads!
Nomads: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Wake up!
Nomad 1: What?
We’re here. Launch the nuke!
The Nomads then pulled out guns, which is very strange considering they have nowhere to pull them out from. But anyway, they aimed laser sights at the mob fortress, and if you were closer, you’d see two flashing red dots on the fortress wall, similar to a certain video game we all know.
Computer: NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED
Inside, everyone!
Nomad 2: Impact in 5…4…3…2…1…
Now I won’t get into the full effects of a 15-gigaton bomb exploding in the desert, but I will say that church attendance dramatically increased after this, at least after they cleared the radioactive sand that covered streets to a depth of 2 feet in some places. A crater 20 miles wide was discovered in the middle of the desert, where the first person stupid enough to go in without radiation protection was quickly turned extra-crispy. The second person did have a radiation suit, but he still glowed for 3 days after. But the main thing is the mob was finally defeated.
Trent: Yes, we can finally get out of here!
Tekagi: Oh, and the PPC actually do exist, go to http://www.misssandman.com/PPC/ppc.html. Read the stories, they’re quite funny.
Do a barrel roll!
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Edited by - Starman Omega on 10/14/2005 12:23:49 PM
Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:43 am
ROFL. Great update mate. Glad to see you out. But what have you done to us? Is this your way of thanking us?
No my friend. We aren't destroyed. That fortress was just a part of a much greater organization. Spanning across worlds, we have diffirent ''cells'' carrying out diffirent tasks. We will never die!
Or at least I won't. Not even the PPC can reach me! *Takes ar GO 229 Horten and flies into the Chernobyl zone in Ukraine*
Voila! My radioactive fat production facility! Besides, radiation is fun, it makes you glow at night. So that other can't sleep. ^^
I have yet another plan. But this time it's not to ge a new chapter. I want revenge! *breakes into a very dark, depp, loud sinister laugh* MHOUHAHAHAHAHA!
Copyright Smirnovka Radfat AB-Kfc.
No my friend. We aren't destroyed. That fortress was just a part of a much greater organization. Spanning across worlds, we have diffirent ''cells'' carrying out diffirent tasks. We will never die!
Or at least I won't. Not even the PPC can reach me! *Takes ar GO 229 Horten and flies into the Chernobyl zone in Ukraine*
Voila! My radioactive fat production facility! Besides, radiation is fun, it makes you glow at night. So that other can't sleep. ^^
I have yet another plan. But this time it's not to ge a new chapter. I want revenge! *breakes into a very dark, depp, loud sinister laugh* MHOUHAHAHAHAHA!
Copyright Smirnovka Radfat AB-Kfc.
Fri Oct 14, 2005 12:23 pm
Nedorbord: i see your point but to put it simply: Starman Omega + Even Bigger nuke than nomad's = Iradiatated Starman Omega = No next Chapter = withdrawal symptoms for a large portion of the mob. besides 'ahem' that was a decoy!
You know its monday when your handgun backfires into your face
You know its monday when your handgun backfires into your face
Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:33 pm
I'm afraid I'll have to call the PPC in on your epilouge- Von Claussen isn't introduced at this point. Then again, neither is Tekagi. Your call.
Oh, and btw- if E=mc^2 were lossless, you could build a 1 gigaton nuclear device out of a paperclip. With fifteen paperclips...
Edited by - J Dawg on 10/14/2005 8:33:41 PM
Oh, and btw- if E=mc^2 were lossless, you could build a 1 gigaton nuclear device out of a paperclip. With fifteen paperclips...
Edited by - J Dawg on 10/14/2005 8:33:41 PM
Sat Oct 15, 2005 5:46 am
HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHLOLOLOL
laughted my rear end off
p.s read the signature to know WHO first inveneted the donau donaut!
P.S i am the old GDI officer that posted the avange the donut(i lost the darn narn password!!)
http://www.lancersreactor.com/t/Downloa ... sp?ID=1235
laughted my rear end off
p.s read the signature to know WHO first inveneted the donau donaut!
P.S i am the old GDI officer that posted the avange the donut(i lost the darn narn password!!)
http://www.lancersreactor.com/t/Downloa ... sp?ID=1235
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