The "dark side", eh Final? Is that a hint of things to come?

Not quite, but the original ending was changed, I was going to be the hooded one, but decided to give it to sw and she also asked to be a "bad guy" in the next one. Though a starwars one wouldn't be bad. I will have to think about it. There is already a request of a feudel Japan one, though that will require a bit of research to get it believable.

A "Last Samurai" take-off pehaps?

Please. No. Anything but a take off on the Last Samurai.

Fd.... I will help you about things Japanese if you need. Just please, not a take off of the Last Samurai.

Thanks.

Indy, if I did one on japanese, it would be a period one around feudel time, but not a take of the movie or type. The time period seems interesting a bit, so I will see. And thanks for the offer of help, I might just need it.

@finalday, well I finally got around to reading this and wouldn't you know it was after I watched Gladiator after months of it sitting on my shelf.

So my part was superfluous, huh Well, whatever.

A note of advice. When you have another person talking, start a new paragraph. The one thing I am absolutely adamant about is being able to follow dialog without unnecessary confusion. Technically, two characters cannot speak in the same paragraph. This does not mean that you can't bend the rules. You obviously have your craft down, so if it is your choice that it is to be this way, that's fine. It just is a tad harder to keep track of who is speaking.

Everything was great. Good story development, good character incentives and motives (except for mine ), good lead up and a good climax. I could see this story being expanded into more detail. It has some true merit.

Sir S

@Ss

---

As the Emperor left the palace, a servant met him, short of breath. It was the chamberlain. “My Caesar, I have to report”. He stopped. “What is it” Tawakalna said through grit teeth. “My lord, Senator Corsair, is dead” he answered and bowed his head. The chamberlain heard no response, only felt the sword going through his heart and the sight of his own blood on the ground.

---

This has always been a hard area for me as to keep it as a conversation, I had to keep it togeather as it would end up being very small paragraphs. Any help is always appreciated. Sorry about the smaller part. I got into it but did not want to splinter it so much that the center was gone. I may limit the next story to just a hand few so there will be more for all the characters.

Edited by - Finalday on 5/12/2004 7:47:59 PM

Fd:

I've read books with small paragraphslike that. It works. Try it out and then print it to see. The impression you get onscreen sometimes is misleading.

I reedited the last part to break up the conversation. It just looks strange. Just never paid attention to some o the books I read.

For me, it is easier to follow. Your way is more densely packed and if you think about someone's need to go back to pick out and re-read a line, consider how much easier it is if you've already separated out the dialogues that way.

Well combining one conversation of only a few people into one paragraph is actually a clever idea. And you did a good job in giving enough description to keep a fairly good track of who is speaking.

Some novels do have large parts of pages, where there are very small paragraphs of only dialog.

Your way works for very linear story telling, in fact I may borrow that way of doing it sometime, though my trade is script writing and requires very specific templates for writing and very little description. As I was saying, your way has to be linear, otherwise having multiple people talk in one paragraph and other characters talking about other things in the next just will futher confuse the reader.

In one paragraph, you are saying all of this conversation belongs together and there is one topic. There is no room for interjection, ulterior motives or new characters. You could put them in (anything can be done) but I would think it would read clunkily.

Like I said, your way is very clever and works for a specific type of storytelling. It wouldn't work for all forms, but then some that do work for all can be rather generic and boring.

Sir S

So I take it the reedit is better? If so, all future ones will be this way. Thanks. Over laped on that one Ss.

Edited by - Finalday on 5/12/2004 8:06:35 PM

I think SnS is offering you choice and the reasons for choosing to do one or the other although I am not so sure it is a good thing to flip flop around too much in one story that too may be the undoing of your denser paragraphs 'cause your readers will be lulled into laziness by the other way of doing it.

My preference is to heed the lazy reader but that's because I'm a lazy reader

lollol I like it