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A Freelancer Parody *COMPLETED 7/9/06!*
Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe
Tue Nov 22, 2005 2:57 am
Nederbord, you never cease to amaze me. Then again, neither does Starman...or anyone else I know. I think the first option has plenty of potential. The second option is just not twisted enough.
On a sad note, while downloading a large portion of SWG, my internet was slowed down to 64kbps and the download will finish in 2 days. But I'll still make an effort and try to keep posting here. Just don't be surprised if I don't reply for a while.
On a sad note, while downloading a large portion of SWG, my internet was slowed down to 64kbps and the download will finish in 2 days. But I'll still make an effort and try to keep posting here. Just don't be surprised if I don't reply for a while.
Fri Nov 25, 2005 12:14 am
(Holds up a sign saying, “Finally, I’ve finished Chapter 11!” )
Trent (Who is still here while the Osiris gets to Earth): Why are you holding up signs?
I have no idea what you’re talking about! (Holds up a sign saying “We’re being bugged” )
Trent: (Holds up a sign saying “What?” )
(Holds up a sign saying “I said we’re being bugged. If any of what’s left of the mob hear me say that I’ve finished the chapter, they’ll be at my house in about 5 seconds.” ) (Sees a cord going behind my computer) Ah ha! (Holds up a sign saying “Oh wait, that’s just my computer cord” )
Trent: Come on, get a grip, we’re not being bugged! You just got a bit paranoid after being chased by them for the last 6 chapters.
(Holds up a sign saying “Well, you may think everything’s perfect, but I’m not going to be taken by surprise” )
Trent: (Dumps a bucket of water onto my head) Sorry, you were going a bit crazy there.
Yeah, I guess you’re right. Hey, have you noticed that UPS truck has been sitting there for the past 15 minutes?
(Inside the “UPS” truck)
Mobster: (Listening on a pair of headphones) He’s on to us! Go go go go go!
(The “UPS” truck drives off at top speed)
Chapter 11: It strikes back Engrish!!
After an extremely long cutscene where Juni introduced Trent to Ozu and Ozu then told Trent pretty much the entire history of Kusari and the Blood Dragons and how Tekagi has been acting strangely (dun dun duuuunnnnnnn) and is going to defect to Rheinland, bringing the Proteus Tome with him. After this was finally over and Trent woke up, they launched to space, where for some reason no one attacked Ozu even though he’s a Blood Dragon officer.
Juni: Look how ugly his ship is!
Ozu: What do you mean, it’s not that ugly.
Juni: Huh? You bought a new one?
Trent: Yep, a Barracuda with 1000 more armor, faster turning and class 6 guns! …Oh crap, I forgot to buy some class 6 guns! Wait here one second. (Flies in) WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO BE LEVEL 16? ARGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Ozu: O_o
Trent: (Flies out) This is an outrage! What kind of nonsense is this! I demand to see a lawyer! Call my congressman! They can’t deny me equipment if I can pay for it! This is Liberty!
Juni: …
Ozu: Let’s go, we need to get to that transport!
Trent: Forget it, I’m not moving one inch until I have those guns! I’m going to file a lawsuit against Kishiro!
Juni: (Gets an idea) Hey Trent, if you come with us you won’t have to go first through any tradelanes or jumpholes for the next mission. Also you’ll probably be level 16 after this anyway!
Trent: Oh, alright, I’ll come.
Juni: Thank you, now you go fir-I mean follow me into the tradelane.
Ozu: The transport is docked at Yukawa Shipyard. It is heavily guarded and they are bringing additional cargo on board.
Juni: Is it the Tome?
Ozu: Well of course, that’s the whole point of this mission!
HONSHU JUMPGATE
Ozu: We are not taking the jumpgate, Trent. Our fighters are waiting at a jumphole, so we can catch them by surprise.
(Near the jumphole)
Juni: What, only 3 ships?
Ozu: The Blood Dragons are small in numbers, but they are the best fighter pilots in the colonies.
Blood Dragon 1: (Hits an asteroid and bounces off)
Juni: …
HONSHU SYSTEM
Blood Dragon 1: The transport looked like it was about to leave. We counted multiple weapon platforms and fighter protection. It won’t be easy.
Ozu: We don’t have any time to waste, let’s go!
What’s the plan?
Ozu: We must hit to those directly and as firmly. First we designate the fighter escort the weapon platform and as goal next.
Trent: Sorry, I don’t speak Engrish.
Ozu: As for me it is not possible to help that,! As for my translator being broken, now I am translated by Babelfish!
Juni: Well, how will we get to the transport?
Dragon 1: We have a team of deadly ninjas on the station that will take it over.
Ozu: The nebula most covers us of method, as for final approach it is clear area.
(They leave the nebula)
Trent: Ah, I see.
Ozu: We must fly before the scanner detects us, as fast as possible.
I’m not much good at fight scenes, and this isn’t a serious fic anyway, so I’ll just summarize what happened. After Trent took out the weapon platforms, it was pretty easy to destroy the fighters, since the Dragons actually were good pilots. Then the transport flew out and went in a straight line for an extremely long time before someone finally decided to hit cruise.
Ozu: How did it go, strike team?
Ninja 1: We lost 2 men, but it was worth it. The ship is full of gold, artifacts and diamonds. DIAMONDS! DIAMONDS!!! DIAM-(Gets dragged off by 2 other ninjas)
Trent: Ookay…
(Near the Chugoku jumphole)
Trent: It’s quiet. Too quiet…
Ozu: Be careful, it’s a trap!
Sure enough, a group of Naval Forces fighters were flying at them.
Ozu: Use torpedoes wisely!
Trent then fired his guns to take down the shield of one of them and shot a torpedo into it, which destroyed it. But then the remaining fighters started shooting at him.
Ozu: Do a barrel roll!
Trent: (Dodging fire) How?
Ozu: Double-tap Z!
Trent: Since when is there a Z butto-(A clearly visible Z button can be seen on the control panel) Hey! Who put an SEP field on that? (Tries double-tapping it)
Sure enough, Trent’s ship did a barrel roll and deflected the shots. Then he and the Dragons went on to win the battle.
Trent: Well, at least I know about that Z button. That will sure come in handy later!
(The Z button is gone)
Trent: WTF?
KYOTO BASE
Ozu: (Whose translator has been fixed) Here, you will receive what you came for.
Dragon 1: Lieutenant Ozu?
Ozu: Excuse me. (Talks to the Dragon) Apparently, neither the Tome nor Tekagi was on that transport.
Trent: D’OH!
Ozu: I will make the arrangements to find it, though. In the meantime, keep yourself occupied with whatever we have to offer.
Trent: Yes, I can finally buy some class 6 guns!
Juni: Um, yeah, well about that…
Trent: WHAT?! I’M ONLY LEVEL 15?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Juni: Oh crap, here we go again.
Ozu: Hey, there’s some wrecks right there if you go through the jumphole to the Hokkaido system. They have class 6 guns and they’ll make you level 16. (Walks off)
Trent: (Muttering inaudibly)
Dragon 2: (Holding a bunch of diamonds) I can help, I’ll give you diamonds! Everyone likes diamonds! Diamonds will make everything better! Diamonds! DIAMONDS!!!!
Trent: O_O (Backs away slowly)
ENDE CHAPTERE ELEVENE
At least now I have some peace and quiet. I can just sit back, relax, play some X3…
Trent: What?
I mean Freelancer, of course! X3 is…uhhhhhh…a mod!
Trent: Yeah, right.
Oh well, at least that mob is gone now.
(In an unknown location)
Mob leader: There’s our plan. Any questions?
(No one asks anything)
Mob leader: Good. He shall soon be OURS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-(Starts coughing like General Grievous) That maniacal laugh is harder than it sounds!
Want to get the chapters of A Freelancer Parody before anyone else? Click here for more info.
Do a barrel roll!
Edited by - Starman Omega on 11/25/2005 12:26:30 AM
Trent (Who is still here while the Osiris gets to Earth): Why are you holding up signs?
I have no idea what you’re talking about! (Holds up a sign saying “We’re being bugged” )
Trent: (Holds up a sign saying “What?” )
(Holds up a sign saying “I said we’re being bugged. If any of what’s left of the mob hear me say that I’ve finished the chapter, they’ll be at my house in about 5 seconds.” ) (Sees a cord going behind my computer) Ah ha! (Holds up a sign saying “Oh wait, that’s just my computer cord” )
Trent: Come on, get a grip, we’re not being bugged! You just got a bit paranoid after being chased by them for the last 6 chapters.
(Holds up a sign saying “Well, you may think everything’s perfect, but I’m not going to be taken by surprise” )
Trent: (Dumps a bucket of water onto my head) Sorry, you were going a bit crazy there.
Yeah, I guess you’re right. Hey, have you noticed that UPS truck has been sitting there for the past 15 minutes?
(Inside the “UPS” truck)
Mobster: (Listening on a pair of headphones) He’s on to us! Go go go go go!
(The “UPS” truck drives off at top speed)
Chapter 11: It strikes back Engrish!!
After an extremely long cutscene where Juni introduced Trent to Ozu and Ozu then told Trent pretty much the entire history of Kusari and the Blood Dragons and how Tekagi has been acting strangely (dun dun duuuunnnnnnn) and is going to defect to Rheinland, bringing the Proteus Tome with him. After this was finally over and Trent woke up, they launched to space, where for some reason no one attacked Ozu even though he’s a Blood Dragon officer.
Juni: Look how ugly his ship is!
Ozu: What do you mean, it’s not that ugly.
Juni: Huh? You bought a new one?
Trent: Yep, a Barracuda with 1000 more armor, faster turning and class 6 guns! …Oh crap, I forgot to buy some class 6 guns! Wait here one second. (Flies in) WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO BE LEVEL 16? ARGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Ozu: O_o
Trent: (Flies out) This is an outrage! What kind of nonsense is this! I demand to see a lawyer! Call my congressman! They can’t deny me equipment if I can pay for it! This is Liberty!
Juni: …
Ozu: Let’s go, we need to get to that transport!
Trent: Forget it, I’m not moving one inch until I have those guns! I’m going to file a lawsuit against Kishiro!
Juni: (Gets an idea) Hey Trent, if you come with us you won’t have to go first through any tradelanes or jumpholes for the next mission. Also you’ll probably be level 16 after this anyway!
Trent: Oh, alright, I’ll come.
Juni: Thank you, now you go fir-I mean follow me into the tradelane.
Ozu: The transport is docked at Yukawa Shipyard. It is heavily guarded and they are bringing additional cargo on board.
Juni: Is it the Tome?
Ozu: Well of course, that’s the whole point of this mission!
HONSHU JUMPGATE
Ozu: We are not taking the jumpgate, Trent. Our fighters are waiting at a jumphole, so we can catch them by surprise.
(Near the jumphole)
Juni: What, only 3 ships?
Ozu: The Blood Dragons are small in numbers, but they are the best fighter pilots in the colonies.
Blood Dragon 1: (Hits an asteroid and bounces off)
Juni: …
HONSHU SYSTEM
Blood Dragon 1: The transport looked like it was about to leave. We counted multiple weapon platforms and fighter protection. It won’t be easy.
Ozu: We don’t have any time to waste, let’s go!
What’s the plan?
Ozu: We must hit to those directly and as firmly. First we designate the fighter escort the weapon platform and as goal next.
Trent: Sorry, I don’t speak Engrish.
Ozu: As for me it is not possible to help that,! As for my translator being broken, now I am translated by Babelfish!
Juni: Well, how will we get to the transport?
Dragon 1: We have a team of deadly ninjas on the station that will take it over.
Ozu: The nebula most covers us of method, as for final approach it is clear area.
(They leave the nebula)
Trent: Ah, I see.
Ozu: We must fly before the scanner detects us, as fast as possible.
I’m not much good at fight scenes, and this isn’t a serious fic anyway, so I’ll just summarize what happened. After Trent took out the weapon platforms, it was pretty easy to destroy the fighters, since the Dragons actually were good pilots. Then the transport flew out and went in a straight line for an extremely long time before someone finally decided to hit cruise.
Ozu: How did it go, strike team?
Ninja 1: We lost 2 men, but it was worth it. The ship is full of gold, artifacts and diamonds. DIAMONDS! DIAMONDS!!! DIAM-(Gets dragged off by 2 other ninjas)
Trent: Ookay…
(Near the Chugoku jumphole)
Trent: It’s quiet. Too quiet…
Ozu: Be careful, it’s a trap!
Sure enough, a group of Naval Forces fighters were flying at them.
Ozu: Use torpedoes wisely!
Trent then fired his guns to take down the shield of one of them and shot a torpedo into it, which destroyed it. But then the remaining fighters started shooting at him.
Ozu: Do a barrel roll!
Trent: (Dodging fire) How?
Ozu: Double-tap Z!
Trent: Since when is there a Z butto-(A clearly visible Z button can be seen on the control panel) Hey! Who put an SEP field on that? (Tries double-tapping it)
Sure enough, Trent’s ship did a barrel roll and deflected the shots. Then he and the Dragons went on to win the battle.
Trent: Well, at least I know about that Z button. That will sure come in handy later!
(The Z button is gone)
Trent: WTF?
KYOTO BASE
Ozu: (Whose translator has been fixed) Here, you will receive what you came for.
Dragon 1: Lieutenant Ozu?
Ozu: Excuse me. (Talks to the Dragon) Apparently, neither the Tome nor Tekagi was on that transport.
Trent: D’OH!
Ozu: I will make the arrangements to find it, though. In the meantime, keep yourself occupied with whatever we have to offer.
Trent: Yes, I can finally buy some class 6 guns!
Juni: Um, yeah, well about that…
Trent: WHAT?! I’M ONLY LEVEL 15?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Juni: Oh crap, here we go again.
Ozu: Hey, there’s some wrecks right there if you go through the jumphole to the Hokkaido system. They have class 6 guns and they’ll make you level 16. (Walks off)
Trent: (Muttering inaudibly)
Dragon 2: (Holding a bunch of diamonds) I can help, I’ll give you diamonds! Everyone likes diamonds! Diamonds will make everything better! Diamonds! DIAMONDS!!!!
Trent: O_O (Backs away slowly)
ENDE CHAPTERE ELEVENE
At least now I have some peace and quiet. I can just sit back, relax, play some X3…
Trent: What?
I mean Freelancer, of course! X3 is…uhhhhhh…a mod!
Trent: Yeah, right.
Oh well, at least that mob is gone now.
(In an unknown location)
Mob leader: There’s our plan. Any questions?
(No one asks anything)
Mob leader: Good. He shall soon be OURS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-(Starts coughing like General Grievous) That maniacal laugh is harder than it sounds!
Want to get the chapters of A Freelancer Parody before anyone else? Click here for more info.
Do a barrel roll!
Edited by - Starman Omega on 11/25/2005 12:26:30 AM
Fri Nov 25, 2005 11:22 am
i like it, i love it i want so more of it, i try so hard, but i cant get enough of it, i dont know what it is about omegas writing, but i like it i, love it i want some more of it...
dont mind me, im just insane....
007
If you only learn one thing in Freelancer, let it be this, do not piss off someone who is much better, or has a much higher level than you.
dont mind me, im just insane....
007
If you only learn one thing in Freelancer, let it be this, do not piss off someone who is much better, or has a much higher level than you.
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