Ok, Malystryx. We really want to keep the nomads out of this thing. In Wizard's first post, he said something about this story does not happening in the FL Universe, which we took to mean that the SP of FL never happened. Therefore, no nomads. But acknowledging the existence of the dom-kavash therefore acknowledges the existence of the nomads, but we don't need to bring them into the story. I'll grant you their existence as a part of fleshing out your character's backstory, but that's it.

A new fighter might be an interesting prospect, but where does your information come from? And if you choose to bring in a new fighter (the idea is tantalizing) please do not make it ridiculously overpowered.

Please capitalize and use correct punctuation. Oh yes, and if you are using script form then you don't need to put quotation marks after your character mark. 'malystryx: "blah blah blah"' is unnecessary.

A better use of your post would have been to perhaps give us a little more information about your character. I'm still fairly in the dark on how to write her.

Constructive criticism, not personal attacks. (I hope you can see the difference )

maybe she meant the other ones, ya know... other ancent dudes, I'm not good with FL backroud story...

----------------------------------------
Knight who wears White

www.thestuffnetworks.com
\ Greater God /
--Agree With ARCON Year--

Anyone noticed we're past 300 posts here?

'nyway, nice post Malys, but I gotta go with Jim on this one. Right now you're just some mystery woman. It'll be a good id to tell someone your background a bit. How you ended up with the GC, how/why you came to Malaga and stuff like that.
Keep in mind that the characters don't know you, they don't read the techy you know
All they know is that you came with the GC and the Empress.

Talk to one of the main characters and tell him who you are.

Jim: You think you can take the crew to Bretonia? Michael and Lutz need to go to Manhattan so you can leave them behind.
I'm kinda waiting for Lutz to write the Manhattan part, cause it's his girl we'll be picking up.
But if it takes to long, I'm gonna do it myself. I'll pop him an e-mail to see how he's doing.

---

You know what I just realized? If a loyalist faction took over Kansai Research Station, they could hold out for a long time. *hint hint*

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Good idea. especially since the Fireblade and the Defender-XS engine were created by, or with help of Kusari.

Edited by - Nickless on 27-09-2003 16:03:45

I finally posted!!! Hope you all like it!! If you dont... well I can fix that!! And anyone whos wondering, hes only going to the West Point to try and stop the war from overruning into Outcast space, and ultimatly destroying Malta.
Enjoy!!

BURN CORSAIR BURN!!!!

Yeah yeah yeah, Don Corleone I noticed. Nice touch.

Few coments however:

Your profile says your UK, so writing correct English shouldn't be that dificult. It reads better and it takes only just a little bit more time.

There are NO Corsairs on Malaga. Just so you know.

Who's Alpha wing?

How did you get an Avarice?

How did you get a Fireblade?

How did you find out about the capacitor?

You didn't reffer to my post where I described the scrimmage between Killzone and the others. That's fine, but mentioned a fight or something, with other Bounty Hunters. It makes things a bit confusing.
I mean, how did your shieldgen get busted?

About the testing and surprise and everything secret you tallked about; give us a bit more info and background.
Also, if you come along with West Point, how is it going to affect the testing stuff you were working on. Or perhaps I misunderstood about that.

Anyway, I think this is a lot better than your first try.

Ehh, Sorry about the english... I was kinda rushed.. Ill change that... and the Corsairs... Ill change that an all, just give me another faction Outcasts hate that couldve been there.
Did I really make it that hard to understand? He dosent have a Fireblade or Avarice, hes downloaded the info off Lutzs and Michels ships (Goddamned Spelling) and given it in. And he knows about the capasitor becuase 1. He needed some kind of capasitor and 2. His ships sensors are highly calibrated, and as such downloaded all the info on it
But, his capasitor was a crapper make, and is likely to give him some problems... and his sheild generator is busted becuase of the fight in your post, the Hunter bit is about the Hunters contracted to hunt him down, before he came to Sigma 19.
And he has his own custom made cannon... Ill tell you now, its a cross between Fireblade and Stormblade... but dont expect it to work all too well.... just like his Phase Cloak, which is suppsot to hide him from sensors.... but it dont work..
An attempt to make sure hes not breaking any rules... but at least I got a mildly positive response this time
Ps. Joining the West Point will give him time to test his weapon on some unweary Rhineland/Liberty cruiser heheheehe

BURN CORSAIR BURN!!!!

@Nickless I'll be glad to take the crew to Bretonia. Later today. Should I assume that you will be leaving the Arizona in Texas to rescue Alys? I will write it in if you do.

@Killzone I think you took on too much in one post. I am confused by it. I am left thinking '???'. It's a good start, but there's too much information, and too much of which we don't know about. A little clue in would be of great help.

In regard to the Kansai Research Station thing, maybe that should be part of jedierrant's side juant... Or perhaps Whasp Commander should do it....

Edited by - Jim Groovester on 27-09-2003 23:01:47

Will do!! The next post will explain a lot more! Itll feture alot of memories and background though... not much action unfortunately... oh well... but dont worry! All will be revealed!!
And sorry for so much info... kinda tried too hard by the look of it... man Im crap at this....

BURN CORSAIR BURN!!!!

I'm guessing that it might be part of jedi's part, but I have no idea what he's planning. It's just an idea thrown out there, but I don't want to do anything because I might step on his toes.

I like the idea. I'll try to encorperate it in my side jaunt. I'm a bit busy right now. I'll try to get it up tonight or tomorrow morning. Tonight might be tough, though. Seeing that I've got the UT-SC game at 7:45 C. Whoot!!! I'm on the thirty yard line!

::dances around to the "Rocky Top Slide"::

Before I'm totally gripped with school fanaticism, Killzone, I'm going to include you with my West Point excursion. I'm going to start you off a little antagonistic with Quigley (you just fired on his friends, in specific the handmaiden of his liege, the GC Empress). Rachel and the lot are going to weary around you. They can accept the Rogues and Hackers, but after their "Last Cruise" at West Point and the friends they lost in that partol, they'll be a bit twitchy around you. Jezz, I have no idea yet, probably indifferent to you.

jedierrant

Saving damsels in distress,
Defending the defenseless,
Fighting for the underdog,
Don Quixote in an X-wing.

Play UT, and you'll leave crying Volun-Tears!




Edited by - jedierrant on 28-09-2003 00:02:15

Killzone, I get it now, but write it into your post and everything will be fine. The story has to run smoothly, if you know what I meen.
I still don't get the capacitor part, but I'll let it go. We'll make it work somewhere.
About the faction you wanna hate, go with Jedi on this one

Don't worry mate, you're doing fine. It's just some start-up probs, we'll sort them out together.

ok i got around to writing my chars history down its at my MSN group website: http://www.msnusers.com/domkavoshdragons got to documents and malystryx.doc is the one. note: this is not complete.

BEWARE PETTY HUMAN, FOR YOU ARE CHEWY AND GOOD WITH KETCHUP!!!

leader of the dom kavosh dragons

Malys, I need you to do me a big favor. Could you post it here? I kind of screwed up my net passport and it won't let me in.

jedierrant

Saving damsels in distress,
Defending the defenseless,
Fighting for the underdog,
Don Quixote in an X-wing.

Play UT, and you'll leave crying Volun-Tears!

No problem Jedi! That just the kind atmosphere Ricardo likes!
Nickless, you still confused? Well here it is to help you understand: Capasitor: Big screw off battery, but you know that, Vortex Cannon: Big screw off mega cannon, dosnt work, has a very crappy capasitor, supposted to be better than Fireblade and Avarice put toghter, and needs its trail runs.
Got that? Hope so. And the sory will continue smoothly, after hes on West Point and gets some spare time, he has a good long think about Alpha Wing, the Bounty Hunters, the Outcast "Milltary" and anything else which is confusing you!
And please, no body forget, he carries a pair of big hand cannons with him at all times.... thats incase anyone wants to get into a fight with him.. now, going to read the newest posts on the story..


BURN CORSAIR BURN!!!!