Good work! I'm happy for ya... Now then, how do you solve 'just friends' after 8 years...?

i'd just ring up out of the blue, or look her up on FriendsReunited and send an email, sort of "hey i was thinking of you the other day, wondered how you were doin'" and if u r still in touch, make an excuse and ask her out to lunch or something. just test the water. worked for me.


..you think you're done with the past, but the past isn't done with you..

No, it's different... We are best friends for some 8 years now, and I'm hopelessly in love with her for almost that long (say, 7yrs 9mths). I made sure that she knows this, but her interest in me does not go beyond friendship. Up until recently I've lived with this quite well, probably due to my age, but now... I'm finding it more and more difficult being 'only a friend'. The pressure is starting to build up, and I just can't... I can't take it... Especially since we're made for each other ( she even said that in those exact words, but she added: 'too bad I don't look at you that way..' ). I'm so FUBAR...

Ask her why she dosn't like you in that way, and if she can't give you a good reason, propose a trial date so see how things would go. With any luck, you'll be able to trick her into a relationship long enough to get her to like you romanticaly.

Life: No one gets out alive.

Bad timing. She has a boyfriend. And it looks like it's gonna stay that way for a while... Like I said: I'm FUBAR.

Ah, if she has a bf, then it's all sodded. Unless you become friend with the bf, and backstabb the relationship, thus ending it, but you have to make sure you're not the cause of the breakup.

And when she is recoiling from her heart break, you swoop in and save the day.

I bit extream, but eh, whatelse are you gonna do.

Life: No one gets out alive.

@Chetnik, with all due respect to RILMS, I don't think backstabbing is the right way to go. It may come back on you if she learns the truth.

I say just be honest and upfront. Tell her. Or do that trial date thing. But not saying anything and doing something sneaky isn't going to get you anywhere.

If you have told her before, go a step further, by telling her how you being her guy will enrich her life more than this friendship she is all too comfortable with.

It's time to end the comfort level for a time. When people are comfortable they don't want to change things for fear they may get worse. (Which is your fear too I think, Chetnik.) The only way she will see you as more than a friend is you actually pronounce yourself to be that and she can no longer rely on the comfort level of friendship.

Then its her choice between you and her current bf, you've done all you can.

Sometimes people don't realise what they have until they've lost it .....................
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.................
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I've been avoiding some of these advice for girlfriend trouble topics for a time now, because I desperately need someone myself. I haven't had a date in 2 years. The last girl I dated died when her friend's car was hit by a train in Prague.

We only dated for 2 weeks, we both knew we weren't meant for each other, so we became friends. She was the best friend I've ever had in my life. I loved her a lot! I think about her all the time. And worst, since I couldn't make it to Czech Republic for her funeral, I still don't have any closure and keep expecting her to call up asking how I am.


Sir Spectre


Like Master Yoda's speak, Olde English is, yes? Hehmmmmhaha!
-- From the play "Zlothello"

Edited by - Sir Spectre on 20-10-2003 07:38:09

No disrespect taken. Backstabbing is just something my high school was based on.

And Spectre, I am so sorry to hear what happened to her. When I read it, tears came to my eyes.

I....I don't know what else to say.....

Mine too. :'(

@Sir Spectre: ...
Sorry to hear that... It seems that every good person on this Earth has far too many undeserved tears... Thank you for your help, but I cannot do as you suggested, simply because I don't like ultimatums and I don't want to hurt her, because that would be a greater sin than any other as far as I'm concerned.
Thank you so much for trying... BTW, you will have a girlfriend when you're ready. Ready to keep the past behind you and show your greatness to the rest of the world, not just us on TLR.
@RILMS: That was a bit of Iverness surfacing... I am grateful for your effort, but as I've said, she is the most important, her happiness and wellbeing are above everything else in my life... It's just that she keeps fighting (not big fights, quarrels) with her bf, and she wont let him go... I don't understand. They keep making these silly compromises instead of just splitting up, so I think that there just might be something special between them.
If I make sure that she's absolutely happy with him, I'm willing to let her go, provided that I we can stay best friends... But if he does anything ad enugh to hurt her, I can't be held responsible for my actions regarding him.

*smiles* Yes, that would be Iverness. Did you read the entire thing? You never wrote back

And, yes if her happiness is the most important thing to you, then don't do what I suggested. Just bied your time. You know what they say, all good things come to those who wait.

@ Spectre, one question, why wasn't she flown back to the states to be burried? Unless of course she is native to the CR.

Life: No one gets out alive.

Edited by - RILMS on 20-10-2003 08:20:32

I did reply... should be in the mail for ages now. Man I hate my ISP...

@RILMS, she was an exchange student here in the states when I first met her. She was 17, me 21. I spent a lot of time showing her the great old US of A. The important little things that tourists don't usually see. We both loved movies and our last movie that we watched together was Othello by Orson Welles (she loved black & white photography and that film is a treat), I just rewatched the film, for the first time since, just prior to doing my play Zlothello.

She went back to her home of Prague at the end of the school year. She was home for 13 days, then she died. Her friend was believed to be too eager to beat the train. And on Friday the 13th, 2001, she was burried.

@Chetnik, I wasn't talking altimatums specifically, I was just talking moving out of the comfort level for a while at the very least.


Sir Spectre


Like Master Yoda's speak, Olde English is, yes? Hehmmmmhaha!
-- From the play "Zlothello"

Edited by - Sir Spectre on 20-10-2003 08:34:58

Yes, but put yourself in her position: you are w/ someone, and then your best friend (again) asks you if you wanna be with him...her... whatever, you get the point. What would you think, and how would you feel? I know that she loves him too, not as much as me (at least that's what she told me), but she cannot leave him just like that. It's all my mistake. I took her for granted, and didn't do anything while she was available, thinking that enough is already said and done, and we're waiting for the right time to 'officially' start dating. We were (and still are) very close, we still have much more that friendship, I just can't say that she's mine... God knows I want her to be... (she knows this too)


Edited by - Chetnik on 20-10-2003 10:04:48