FL2..that would be nice, wouldn't it?
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FL,The Return - And so it continues Ch.11! Updated 4/19/05
Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe
Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:08 pm
Ok people, just to give you an update, my diary has cleared up a bit now so i am going to be working on the next chapter at the weekend. I have got preliminary ideas as to where i want this to finish, although there rest assured every thing will be explained and ironed out by the end, which is still a long way off.
I have decided with this to take it in to a more movie style story. There will be little battles here and there but will finish on something that will hopefully beat the final battle in SOS which i thought i personally wouldn't be able to do.
So stay tuned, as a certain machine once famously said, "the story will be back"...or something similar anyway
I'd also like to add thank you to all of you for your great support once more and for being patient with me
I have decided with this to take it in to a more movie style story. There will be little battles here and there but will finish on something that will hopefully beat the final battle in SOS which i thought i personally wouldn't be able to do.
So stay tuned, as a certain machine once famously said, "the story will be back"...or something similar anyway
I'd also like to add thank you to all of you for your great support once more and for being patient with me
Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:21 pm
Well it certainly has been a long time since i did something with this story. Don't worry, none of you are actually dreaming. This is *the* next chapter to my ongoing story. I promised i would finish this. Due to somments i have said in the past, the next chapter will be up when it is complete.
Form an orderly que so you can each in tern get another shot of the story
Chapter 7 - Discovery
Trent, Juni and King followed Sergio and his brothers on to the station to see if they could recover any information as to the Zoner whereabouts.
“This place certainly feels creepy” said King.
The only noise was coming from the drill Sergio was using to fix his brothers ship.
It was a short walk from the docking bay down to the bases main control room. Juni, Trent and King left Sergio to repair his brothers ship.
“What do you think happened here?” said Juni to Trent.
“I don’t know. The only thing I do know is I don’t like the looks of this” replied Trent.
The automatic doors of the control room opened to reveal a somewhat surprising site. The room was spotless. No damage, no bodies.
“Well, looks like that answered nothing!” said King somewhat jokingly.
Juni walked over to the main computer which was still active. She ran the last program that was in use.
“Trent, King, I think you guys better take a look at this”
Trent and King walked over to the console and stood either side of Juni.
“What is it?” asked Trent.
“It’s the activation of the stations manual defence systems”
“So?” said King.
“What ever happened here they felt the need to protect themselves”
“How do we know this wasn’t just some training exercise or test?” said King.
“Because of this”
Juni brought up another screen. It was a casualty list. It looked like 95% of the crew missing and 5% dead or wounded.
“Does it say where the other 5% are?” asked Trent.
Juni looked closely at the screen and tilted her head to look at Trent.
“The medical bay” replied Juni.
“Lets get going then. Juni stay here and get what ever information that you can. We’ll be back shortly”
Trent and King left the control room and made there way down to the medical bay.
“I think something very bad happened here” said King.
Trent just looked at him with an apprehensive expression.
Once they had reached the medical bay they stood by the automatic door waiting for it to open.
“King, bust the lock” said Trent.
King pulled out his LSF issue sidearm and shot the computer control. The door opened slowly.
The smell that eminated from the room made King throw up and made Trent wince.
“My god, what is that smell!?” shouted King
“I don’t know” replied Trent in a muffled tone as he blocked his mouth and nose with his arm.
As the two of them stepped into the room, the source of the smell became evident. Lying on the top of the surgery beds were the bodies of some of Freeport 10’s previous occupants.
“What the hell happened here?” mumbled Trent as he walked over to one of the operating tables.
The man on the table was wearing Bounty Hunter attire. Trent switched on the computer by the side of the table to try and find a log entry on what had happened to him.
“Subject…Paul Emerton…Age..38…Cause of Death…Excessive blood loss”
Trent shook his head in disbelief and pulled back the plastic cover that was covering the mans body. One glimpse of what he saw made him quickly pull back the covering.
“King” said Trent. “We’re not going to get any information from here and this smell is bugging me out. Lets go”
“Wait” said King. He was looking at one of the patients portable neural nets that he found in its pocket. “Take a look at this”
Trent walked over and King passed him the device.
“I can’t believe I’m attempting this again. Damn Zoners never pay well. Why do they want this computer so bad”
Trent looked at King and then at the body he had taken the neural net from and placed back on the man.
“Lets…..”
Trent was interrupted by the stations proximity alarm.
“Trent, King, get back here now!” shouted Juni over the communications.
Trent and King ran back to the control room to find Juni activating the bases automatic defenses.
“Whats going on?” asked Trent.
“Incoming ship’s. Scans are unable to identify the ships. Some form of jamming frequency is being used!”
“Quickly, download all the information to ships neural nets, we got to get out of here”
Edited by - Bret Bretonian on 1/12/2005 12:10:08 AM
Form an orderly que so you can each in tern get another shot of the story
Chapter 7 - Discovery
Trent, Juni and King followed Sergio and his brothers on to the station to see if they could recover any information as to the Zoner whereabouts.
“This place certainly feels creepy” said King.
The only noise was coming from the drill Sergio was using to fix his brothers ship.
It was a short walk from the docking bay down to the bases main control room. Juni, Trent and King left Sergio to repair his brothers ship.
“What do you think happened here?” said Juni to Trent.
“I don’t know. The only thing I do know is I don’t like the looks of this” replied Trent.
The automatic doors of the control room opened to reveal a somewhat surprising site. The room was spotless. No damage, no bodies.
“Well, looks like that answered nothing!” said King somewhat jokingly.
Juni walked over to the main computer which was still active. She ran the last program that was in use.
“Trent, King, I think you guys better take a look at this”
Trent and King walked over to the console and stood either side of Juni.
“What is it?” asked Trent.
“It’s the activation of the stations manual defence systems”
“So?” said King.
“What ever happened here they felt the need to protect themselves”
“How do we know this wasn’t just some training exercise or test?” said King.
“Because of this”
Juni brought up another screen. It was a casualty list. It looked like 95% of the crew missing and 5% dead or wounded.
“Does it say where the other 5% are?” asked Trent.
Juni looked closely at the screen and tilted her head to look at Trent.
“The medical bay” replied Juni.
“Lets get going then. Juni stay here and get what ever information that you can. We’ll be back shortly”
Trent and King left the control room and made there way down to the medical bay.
“I think something very bad happened here” said King.
Trent just looked at him with an apprehensive expression.
Once they had reached the medical bay they stood by the automatic door waiting for it to open.
“King, bust the lock” said Trent.
King pulled out his LSF issue sidearm and shot the computer control. The door opened slowly.
The smell that eminated from the room made King throw up and made Trent wince.
“My god, what is that smell!?” shouted King
“I don’t know” replied Trent in a muffled tone as he blocked his mouth and nose with his arm.
As the two of them stepped into the room, the source of the smell became evident. Lying on the top of the surgery beds were the bodies of some of Freeport 10’s previous occupants.
“What the hell happened here?” mumbled Trent as he walked over to one of the operating tables.
The man on the table was wearing Bounty Hunter attire. Trent switched on the computer by the side of the table to try and find a log entry on what had happened to him.
“Subject…Paul Emerton…Age..38…Cause of Death…Excessive blood loss”
Trent shook his head in disbelief and pulled back the plastic cover that was covering the mans body. One glimpse of what he saw made him quickly pull back the covering.
“King” said Trent. “We’re not going to get any information from here and this smell is bugging me out. Lets go”
“Wait” said King. He was looking at one of the patients portable neural nets that he found in its pocket. “Take a look at this”
Trent walked over and King passed him the device.
“I can’t believe I’m attempting this again. Damn Zoners never pay well. Why do they want this computer so bad”
Trent looked at King and then at the body he had taken the neural net from and placed back on the man.
“Lets…..”
Trent was interrupted by the stations proximity alarm.
“Trent, King, get back here now!” shouted Juni over the communications.
Trent and King ran back to the control room to find Juni activating the bases automatic defenses.
“Whats going on?” asked Trent.
“Incoming ship’s. Scans are unable to identify the ships. Some form of jamming frequency is being used!”
“Quickly, download all the information to ships neural nets, we got to get out of here”
Edited by - Bret Bretonian on 1/12/2005 12:10:08 AM
Fri Jan 14, 2005 1:19 am
Bret, my only advice for you would be to go that extra 10% when filling out your descriptions of scenes and characters. Do you go back and re-read your work? I find when I do this, filling out sections is much easier.
Apart from that, your dialogue is well structured and easy to absorb.
Apart from that, your dialogue is well structured and easy to absorb.
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