this one is an all-time classic..

her: thsi computer you sold us isn't working
me: oh dear. what appears to be the problem?
her: i don't know, I'm not a computer expert. I want an engineer out striaght away!
me: well if you could please just bear with me while we go through through a few simple diagnostics?
her: why are you giving me all this attitude? i just want it fixed (etc etc etc)

i wait patiently while she finishes her rant...

me: ok so very briefly, can you see anything ont he screen?
her: yes
me: ok, what can you see?

she describes a pefectly normal input screen from one of our applications

me: ok, well that seems ok. can you right click in one of the fields with the mouse please?
her? what?
me? right click in one of the white boxes
her: ok

waits

her: nothing happened
me: you didn't get a menu?
her: nothing
me: ok lets try that again. just right click in one of the white boxes. do it a bit more firmly this time, the mouse might not have recognised the input
her: no still nothing
me: that's very strange. did you do what I asked?
her: of course I did you stupid man, I am WRITING click! honestly do you even know what you're doing? I know more about computers than you...

..and I put the phone down at this point and went out for a smoke.

what can you do with such people? they shouldn't even be allowed near a computer. Mind you, I'm married to one. She destroyed my expensive wireless mouse by bashing it against the table in order to make eBay "go faster" and spilt honey froma piece of toast all over my expensive di Novo keyboard and regularly turns off Zone Alarm and Kaspersky in order to see some dancing pigs or other rubbish her friends send her on e-mail. I did put her on a limted account for a while but it just became too much effort to come running in every few minutes to install this or allow that and to cope with all the eBay updates, so now I let her do what she wants and clean up the chaos afterwards. Apparently she's much the same at work and is the bane of the IT dept (there's always one in every firm who generates more calls than the rest of the staff combined)

why can't people use technology? after all, it's really not that complicated, is it?

*chuckles*

Some of those are priceless... fantastic.

Aye, working in technical support/help desk can be amusing on reflection, but it can also be unbearably dull and repetitive. Oh, sorry Taw .

Trust me i know what you people go through i regularly have to help my sister with her shiny new piece of D E L L sh*t and she gets short tempered because i ask her the normal questions or i have to work with it first because it has a different OS than mine so it's strange to me, i don't know it's operations as readily as i know my own system she dosen't understand that and i won't let her use my system without me looking over her shoulder last time i left her use it alone using my admin account *smashes head on keyboard* i came back home to a bsod on start-up. i don't think i'd last long as a tech i tend to shoot my mouth off when someone gives me an attitude when i help them for free

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Trust me i know what you people go through i regularly have to help my sister with her shiny new piece of D E L L sh*t and she gets short tempered because i ask her the normal questions or i have to work with it first because it has a different OS than mine so it's strange to me, i don't know it's operations as readily as i know my own system she dosen't understand that and i won't let her use my system without me looking over her shoulder last time i left her use it alone using my admin account *smashes head on keyboard* i came back home to a bsod on start-up.

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Talk aboot a run-oon sentence, laddie!

Edited by - esquilax on 10/31/2006 7:24:11 PM

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Mind you, I'm married to one. She destroyed my expensive wireless mouse by bashing it against the table in order to make eBay "go faster" and spilt honey froma piece of toast all over my expensive di Novo keyboard and regularly turns off Zone Alarm and Kaspersky in order to see some dancing pigs or other rubbish her friends send her on e-mail. I did put her on a limted account for a while but it just became too much effort to come running in every few minutes to install this or allow that and to cope with all the eBay updates, so now I let her do what she wants and clean up the chaos afterwards. Apparently she's much the same at work and is the bane of the IT dept (there's always one in every firm who generates more calls than the rest of the staff combined)

why can't people use technology? after all, it's really not that complicated, is it?

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It is, indeed, the Tao. For every ying, there is a yang.

One of my friends stupidly caught a worm over MSN by clicking on one of those tricky links. Though it seemed to be more tricky as it actually had ".jpg" at the end. At any rate, I ended up spending a good two hours while she was at work fixing her computer. First I had to somehow find a way to even start the computer up without having a critical error that would cause the computer to coount down and shut off in 60 seconds. Once I finally got AVG running I managed to find a good 40 viruses/trojan horses on her computer in a scan that lasted around 45 minutes or more.

and ppl wonder why I dont spend much time on MSN! indeed Wolfers, those MSN-borne shady links can be spectacularly awful - I've seen them propogate so fast that the only thing you could do was kill the power to the pc, they destroy functionality and input in seconds. And of course, on unmanaged or badly managed networks, with too many folks using MSN or Windows Messenger, they hit the contact list and spread like wildfire througthe network. Hence why I disabled Messenger for all but a handful of ppl (and put up with 3 days of protests and demands and being called a b*st*rd.)

at home we use Trillian (because it allows multiple IM connections in one interface) and it's generally a lot more robust, and tied into Kaspersky (which has support for not only IM file transfer but IM activity scanning) I can be pretty confident anything bad gets killed before it gets "in" as it were.

I wondering if Vista will reduce the number of foolish self-injuries that ignorant folks report to their support desk? I can see it cutting out a lot of the virus and "how do I" related ones (such as the people who can't make a shortcut or find anything once they've downloaded it or extract a file from an archive) but it's going to do nowt for say someone I know very well who can't even find the power button on the computer, or my boss who has to have his password changed 3 times a day because he forgets to put his number lock key on, or people who overwrite their only backup then blame me when theyre trying to restore and they've got no data.

looks like everyone will be back to relying on their 12 yr old nephews (I found my son, 12, at his grandmother's showing her how to get files from her camera into her computer then into Photoshop.) I rarely speak to my wife's family about computers now because theyre just too frustrating and I don't even get paid. Unfortunately they have a habit of waiting until I've gone round and I've been fed and watered then springing some virused-up pile of junk on me to fix. Last Sunday it was e-mail (passwords blown off) and digital photos, and within three days my sister-in-law had forgotten her password again. So, knowing full well that she would mess it up again, I RDP'd in and reset it. She squeaked with terror when she saw the curosr moving "on it's own" !

Alrighty then, this is a beauty. I was actually reading this thread and laughing at some of Taw's latest inclusions when a bloke walked into my office and slams a piece of paper on my desk...literally as I am reading this right:

"What kind of idiots are working here that you cant sort out something so simple eh?" He jabs his finger at the offending paper as though I should have half a breeze what the crap he is waffling on about.

Sorry, but who are you?

"I bought a car off your mate in the office next door. You are useless!"

Well thank you for your business sir, but if you want my help I suggest you explain what it is you want and I strongly recommend you do it in a slightly more civil tone...SIR

"He promised to change the ownership of the car into my wife's name and 2 months later we just keep getting the same old crap back in the post that he filled in on the day we collected it. Every time we send it to the Lisence Authority they just send it back to us. And now to make it worse she got a ticket for not having the car taxed. You will be paying that. Bloody rrediculous!"

Let me have a look at the forms.

"I am not going through this loop again, the bloke next door already did this 2 months ago and it just keeps coming back."

Great but now you are talking to me so let me take a look. Please. Move your finger. Okay I am off for a cup of tea. Would you like one? (He moves his jabby finger.)

What is your wifes name sir?

"Anne Walshe! So you know what to do then eh?"

And she bought the car on the 7th of August correct?

"Oh, you are good, how did you know that?

Because it says so on the ownership documents. The paperwork which keeps coming back to you in not the old form it is the new one with your wife's name on it. What you have been doing is sending the papers back to the Lisence Authority and asking to change it into your name even though it is already done. They just keep sending it back to you.

"Oh!"

And by the way, is your wife disabled in any way?

"WHAT!!!!" Just on the verge of trying to take a swing at me. "Just because she made a silly mistake with a form!!!" Head turns crimson.

NO SIR! But that ticket you have been issued is because your vehicle was parked in a zone reserved for disability drivers, not a tax offence. So I just presumed you wife was disabled and not parked illegaly. You will have to pay that one yourself.

I love my job.




Edited by - Druid on 11/1/2006 2:26:44 AM

delightful! it's always good when you can turn it back on them. Sadly, if you have weak management, as I certainly used to have for many years, you often end up doing a PR exercise and taking it on the chin, which is galling to say the least.

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I wondering if Vista will reduce the number of foolish self-injuries that ignorant folks report to their support desk? I can see it cutting out a lot of the virus and "how do I" related ones (such as the people who can't make a shortcut or find anything once they've downloaded it or extract a file from an archive) but it's going to do nowt for say someone I know very well who can't even find the power button on the computer, or my boss who has to have his password changed 3 times a day because he forgets to put his number lock key on, or people who overwrite their only backup then blame me when theyre trying to restore and they've got no data

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Don't hold your breath. Vista is projected to roll out in two guises ... with and without Windows Live included. Naturally, without Windows Live, automated updating won't be supported. Without updating services, whatever you may have in the way of security software won't be able to keep abreast unless you have opted to throw your fates to Vista's inbuilt security system (Spittooo firewall anyone?)

<Edit>

I could share a similar experience in my, er, area of expertise but it is rather clear that it would fall on unsympathetic ears.


Edited by - Indy11 on 11/1/2006 7:06:23 AM

@Indy: Cobblers! You really think they would be less sympathetic to a dodgy insurance salesman than a dodgy car salesman?

go on, don't be coy. my ears aren't unsympathetic - well, they aren't long and furry at any rate!

People still like cars, car salesman or no. People generally don't like to deal with, er, my area much less pay to own such a product. Rather more like taxes.

Besides, I wrote down a few which I found to be funny but on second reading, well, too easily could be taken the wrong way.