Too late, I already did. Ask wolfy, he liked it. Good luck with the young lady.

Finalday

Habaq Mot / Aspazomai Thanatos / Capere Obitus... /Keith Green\ (1953-1983)

Ah, poets and love. two things I'm not very good at.

I like your poem though.

If it feals good to you, then it should be alright. Good luck winning hearts

Edit: Damn spelling.

- I'm not crazy, I'm a car. And if you don't believe me, you can get out and walk home. -
*** The Titan flies like a cow ***

Lh,

Are you "wooing" her with you poems? Is that your plan? If it is you ought to try to personalize them a little bit more. Put her name in it, identify the color of her hair,
eyes, lips, etc.

This way, you will have proved to her how much attention you've already been paying to the way she looks. Its nice to say she has silky hair for example, but what color is it?

Also, look up Cyrano de Bergerac. There are some great cues there.

Well I will first wait her response on this one, before sending anything else...

@FinaD

---

Too late, I already did. Ask wolfy, he liked it. Good luck with the young lady.

---

Hey!! I want 10% of anything you get on that book , that poem is copyrighted

No offence, leonhart, but your poem lacks form. Not that that is a bad thing, since some very good poems lacked any form whatsoever, some written by Walt Whitman for example. But he got by by using lots and lots of metaphors. And not clichèd ones.

If you plan to write another poem, I'd suggest using a form of poetry, such as a shakespearean sonnet, or something else out of the multitude of forms. But if you plan to go the route without form, make your poem rich with figurative language, and make it longer too.

I know this because my school take poetry very seriously.

@leonhart, no the poem is not in it, I meant that I have written a rommance novel

Finalday

Habaq Mot / Aspazomai Thanatos / Capere Obitus... /Keith Green\ (1953-1983)

Edited by - Finalday on 3/4/2004 4:37:31 PM

From one poet to a starting one, your poem lacks flow. It just doesn't "flow" nicely, its like it has no rythym. I will write a quick poem to show you what I mean. Word of caution though, it may not make sense at all.

Cloudless skys above my head
And darkness all around
Hearing sounds that mislead
Little boy was crowned

He later sang something new
Among all the people
Under shiney lights of hue
Hiding by the steeple

_______________________
The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place.

The thing with romantic poetry is, sometimes you can not always get the ryme and still say what you want to say. Somethings get lost in the translation.

Finalday

Habaq Mot / Aspazomai Thanatos / Capere Obitus... /Keith Green\ (1953-1983)

that's fab! good luck with her! at least you've got a gf

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


- The home of Freelancer: Rebirth, the prequel to Freelancer!

I still dont have her , currently trying to work on that