_________________________________
ACT I
SCENE I

It was the worst of times, it would be the worser of times. This is a tale of two town forums. One, a bustling thriving forum for the multitudes of all walks of life; a melting pot for gamers of all creeds. The other, a busy town built for a common purpose; a collection of denizens together in like creed. These towns be GameTalk and Lancers Reactor. But as one town was to shed their burden, they would unknowingly cast it on the other.

{Enter Lady Excellfire, Master Denida, their servant Megan & their guards leading the prisoner Hey.}

Megan: All rise in sight of the Lady Excellfire of the kingdom of GameTalk. Now bow to her certain right. Guards, bring forth Hey.
Excellfire: What trouble do ye bring to this court?
Megan: The sentries do bring a prisoner, my lady.
Denida: Praythee, what wrong has this man committed?
Excellfire: Master Denida, you art not to talk out of turn.
Denida: Sorry, my lady.
Excellfire: Praythee, what wrong has this man committed?
Megan: Tis no more wrong than he be insane and be a nuisance upon our kingdom. A dreadful tirade and spouts of anger has he shouted in the town forum.
Excellfire: Crazy are you? ... Prisoner do speak.
Hey: Liverchops, ME GAD, rough and tumble rogue, spear me a long shaft!
Denida: What language is this? What was it he said that our ears did hear?
Excellfire: Master Denida.
Denida: I apologize again, my lady.
Excellfire: What language is this? What was it he said that our ears did hear?
Megan: We know not what, for his is a cryptic speak. But through speeches of illogic do stray some ramblings of sanity.
Hey: Ffffft, ta-hisss ala drabrooooozy da um dalot.
Denida: He be quite, quite mad.
Excellfire: Denida!
Denida: My lady, my apologies.
Excellfire: He be quite, quite mad.
Megan: Yes, your ladyship.
Excellfire: Mister Hey, know you that your attitude does suck? And we are but left to banish you to the outside world.
Hey: Hey no! Banish me not, for I can hold grip of my sanity.
Denida: Lo, he talks clearly. Prove this to us, so that we may be certain.
Excellfire: Denida, ZIP IT! Begone from here.
Denida: Away I go.

{Exit Denida}

Excellfire: Lo, he talks clearly. Prove this to us, so that we may be certain.
Hey: How can I prove that which canst be proven on a moments notice.
Excellfire: Wise words, Mister Hey.
Hey: Drooble, drooble, lament me cumquat sham a shig on your carpet.
Excellfire: Enough! Be gone with him! Banished forevermore is Hey. He be but too crazy to be near this kingdom.
Megan: Guards, take the prisoner from this spot, the countryside he must roam. Another towns problem will Hey be, so says the Lady of the kingdom of GameTalk.
Excellfire: Actually I didn't say that, but it sounds good, so I'll allow it.
_________________________________
SCENE II

{Enter Megan and Guards leading Hey}

Megan: Here at these city walls do we part from thee Hey. Nevermore are you to come into our fair city. Understand thee?
Hey: Punished am I? No cannot be. For I be but a jolly psycho.
Megan: No more jolly than a tempest storm. Here we leave thee.

{Exit Megan and Guards}

Hey: I be bannished .....
Hey: .........................
Hey: ......... I be bannished ......
Hey: .....................................
Hey: ...........................................
Hey: ......................... Snarfencoogin!!!!!

{Exit Hey.)
_________________________________
SCENE III

{Enter Spectre.}

Spectre: Hey, ho! Hey, ho! It's off to work I go. Hey, ho! Hey, ho! What a joyful morning this be. And here I do post more notices of my new play. "Much Uba About Nothing" thou beest my masterpiece. More must come, more must see this brilliance and this hillarity. Hear ye, hear ye, a play by me, come one, come all, please do see!

{Enter mb52.}

mb52: What notice dost thou raise in this fair town of Lancers Reactor?
Spectre: Hello, good sir. My notice be that of a great comedy.
mb52: How great a comedy can it be?
Spectre: A work of much that is humourous. IF you art curious, off to the very near forum for General Editing where my playhouse be. See for yourself what devilish delight did partake several weeks ago during the night.

{Enter Killzone.}

mb52: I will see it for mine own eyes and judge.
Killzone: Spectre-man, haven't ye posted such notices too much?
Spectre: Ah, Killzone, is it?
Killzone: That be my name.
Spectre: I raise more notice because not all wander from town square to town square.
mb52: I will surely make my way.
Spectre: I did not receive from you your name?
mb52: Oh, tis mb52?
Killzone: What kind of name be that?
mb52: mb52 tis a noble name, many a lord and king have had such a name. And tis better than that of such a name as Spectre-Man.
Spectre: EmmBee, Killzone, I have been knighted by Lord Wassup and am now Sir Spectre. Granted he hath no authority, but I took it nonethesame. EmmBee, go see my works, I will continue my talk with Killzone.
mb52: I be off.

{Exit EmmBee.}

Spectre: Have thee read my play?
Killzone: Yay, indeed I have.
Spectre: I praythee that you liked it.
Killzone: I did take much enjoyment.

{Enter Hey.}

Spectre: This that I hear pleases me.
Hey: Fffft, all gay ***sies art thee!

{Exit Hey.}

Killzone: I am pleased that you are pleased
Spectre: It pleases me that you be pleased by pleasing me.

{Enter Hey.}

Killzone: None more are you pleased by my pleasing you--
Hey: Banished! Groobem mon fritter fat!
Killzone: --than that I am pleased that my pleasing you would please you so that I may be pleased.

{Exit Hey.}

Spectre: We be pleased together.
Killzone: Yes, this agreement pleases me.

{Enter Emmbee, followed shortly after by Hey}

mb52: Tis a pleasing play.
Hey: Callockmazoo do check thee out this crack doodoo.
Spectre: Enough with the "pleasing," please. I swear thee that be the last one.

{Exit Hey.}

Killzone: Notice ye a strange man of odd temperment racing through here?
mb52: To what man do you refer?
Killzone: A man that just came hence, taken notice have you Spectre?

{Enter Hey.}

Spectre: I be too endeavored in spreading the cheer of my play to take notice of happenings around me.
Hey: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Killzone: Hear you that?

{Exit Hey.}

Spectre: Yay, tis like a lark's song. A wonderous harmony caught on a gentle breeze.
Killzone: Look away from your good morning to the stirrings of this once quiet square.
mb52: There be something amiss and lo, here it come again.

{Enter Hey.}

Hey: Me bum shear, nuga stoon carthump!

{Exit Hey.}

Spectre: I did spy a certain oddity on this occasion.
Killzone: The man be mad.
mb52: What's to be done?

{Enter Hey.}

Spectre: This situation of loose culprits in the town is known to me.
Hey: Yaba yaba yaba talk me of thrip!
Spectre: I'll away to fetch the quiet hero Stinger.

{Exit Hey.}

Spectre: You two, keep your eyes ajar on the subject. If thoust can, distract him from his rambling tasks. Go now, follow him. I go fetch the hero.
Killzone: We go, we two.
Spectre: To the town I plead! Raise the watch! Another manhunt is underway! Call to Arms Stinger! Hey makes strife!

{Exit All.}

Edited by - Sir Spectre on 22-09-2003 06:41:37

_________________________________
ACT II
SCENE I

{Enter Orillion.}

Orillion: Few people are about this fine morning. With ease, I should be able to wander the Threads of Lore.

{Enter Hey.}

Orillion: What manner of fellow comes this way?!
Hey: Sheen a hair dost brightly gleen like my spleen.

{Enter Killzone and EmmBee.}

Killzone: Stay at rest ye miscreant!
Hey: Grrrrrrr!
mb52: Who be you and why be you so mad?
Orillion: What praytell is this altercation?
Killzone: This be a nuisance upon our fair town.
Hey: Banished am I!
Killzone: You will be when Sir Spectre returns with Master Stinger.
mb52: Your name? What be your name? Tell us so we may rebuke thee.
Hey: Hey!
mb52: Hey to you too.
Hey: Hey be banished from the kingdom of GameTalk! Hey want to return!
Killzone: Methinks his name be Hey. EmmBee yours now appears in a better light next to his.
mb52: Hey!
Killzone: Exactly.

{Exit Hey escapes past the entering Locutus.}

mb52: Ah, now this Hey does make his escape.
Killzone: Quickly now, we must track down this man of low marbles.
Orillion: I will join thee in thine quest. Where, oh where are the heroes of moderation who deal deadly blows when you need them?
Locutus: Call to arms Stinger you have, how about the hero Bargib in replace? For this has gone far beyond pacifying. This one needs bannishment.
Killzone: .... Uhh, thanks Locutus. Lets us away from here!

{Enter Lutz, Punkzombie & Nickless chatting to each other}

Orillion: I am with thee Killzone. I take up my flamethrower and will spew mighty flames on our enemy.
Lutz: {aside to Punkzombie & Nickless} I'd say that there's a chance for an expansion, but not a sequel. But that's only my humble opinion.
Punkzombie: Check the "Freelancer 2!!!" thread in this forum for more info on FL2. That's where you go when you want to hear the TRUTH of FL2.
Nickless: Hehehe, three locked FL2 threads, so dig up an oldy. wise decision.
Orillion: No. It isnt a Freelancer 2/addon thread.
Lutz: Welcome to our conversation, who you be?
Killzone: {aside to EmmBee} I think Orillion be too distracted for any help to us.
mb52: He must be stricken with Attention Deficit Disorder. Let us be gone from here and find our unmerry spaz.

{Exit Killzone and EmmBee}
_________________________________
SCENE II

{Enter Spectre.}

Spectre: Oh woe! Oh great woe! I cannot find a hero. No Stinger, no Eraser, no Bargib, no Tachyon, no Fear Factor oh no! I cannot on my own deal a deadly blow to this most heinous psycho. Oh, here comes hence our insane foe.

{Enter Hey.}

Hey: Hey be me! You be a slurt!
Spectre: Slurt?! ...................... Slurt, say thee?! Tis a silly accusation. I have not heard a word of which I am so fond since "taboot" from many seasons past.
Hey: Plelllllllllllllllllllllll, susoooooooooooom ba!
Spectre: Nay, do not escape dear nutcase. Why are thou demented?!
Hey: I be greatly wronged by Lady Excellfire and her court.
Spectre: So you do speak normally from time to time. But I know not of this Lady Excellfire.

{Enter Arcon.}

Arcon: What strife does unfold on these streets?
Spectre: A crazy wanderer has entered our city and bemused himself with inane ramblings.
Arcon: So much trouble by one man?
Hey: Tirusha femdomderu listan isti frempa!
Spectre: I will slap thee with the back of mine hand lest you speak a normal tongue.

{Enter Killzone & EmmBee.}

Hey: A deal, a deal, I have a deal to offer thee!
Spectre: I and these allies of mine care not to hear such dribble.
Killzone: Wherebe the heroes to disseminate his ashes to the wind?
Spectre: Nowhere to be found.
Hey: Boostaba.
mb52: This bodes not well, another way to rid him must be discovered.
Arcon: Without a heroes might, little can be done by mortals.
Hey: Freepen zee schildern.
Killzone: We can insult him until he succumbs and removes himself.
Spectre: I don't think him wise enough to know when he be insulted.
Hey: Po?
Killzone: I will raise the town so that all will bear down on him, no fool can ignore the earnestness of a mob.
Arcon: This speculation is getting us nowhere.
Killzone: We have toiled longer on this cracked nut, we are determined to find a way.
Arcon: Praythee, you smacking smock--
Spectre: {Aside to EmmBee} Hey's speak is intruding into others, now.
Arcon: --what be this deal you offer. These men do of you grow weary and may strike with great fury.
Hey: Snickemdorts.
Spectre: Shut the f*** up! Just shut up! Be still your f***ing mouth! You G**d*** qu*** son of f***ing bi***!
Hey: I will leave in peace if I be rejoined with my kinsmen in the town of GameTalk.
Killzone: What are you on about?
Hey: Hey be bannished, Hey need to go home. Beloom serot finter isi car. Put in a good word for Hey so that Lady Excellfire will return me--heeeeshaaaw!--forthwith.
Spectre: A person of little intelligence thou art. Understood one moment and babbling the next.
mb52: This be a lamer of the worst kind.
Hey: **** YOU **** YOU **** YOU. YOU GAY SLURT.
Killzone: He is mad, he did not even yell at us with any exclamation marks.
mb52: Our chats seem to hurt his cause or at least causes him grief.
Spectre: Grief be gotten by those without hope; and Hey be a hopeless waste of life.
Hey: Slurt!
Killzone: Back to the matter at hand, a deal be a deal. Will you go quietly if we speak well of you to Lady Excellfire's court?
Hey: Yes, yes, leave in pieces and morsels I will.
Killzone: I shall take that as agreement. Away I go to present Hey's case.

{Exit Killzone.}

Hey: Great merry me! Fedora staps me fru doo! I'm off to home! Alee I goff.

{Exit Hey.}

mb52: Hey be gone for now, but his madness has spread to Killzone methinks.
Spectre: Indeed, would any kingdom take back such a daffy bastard? What is it Killzone be thinking?
Arcon: If you like I will go see.
Spectre: Go hence and learn of his plan. We shall prepare for a most probable Hey's return.

{Exit All.}

_________________________________
ACT III
SCENE I

{Enter Killzone and Megan}

Megan: What hast brought you to the gates of GameTalk?
Killzone: I seek an audience with the Lady of the kingdom.
Megan: I'm afraid she be unavailable to unannounced visitors.
Killzone: Then praythee tell her that I be from the land Lancers Reactor. We have inherited a retard called Hey from your kingdom.
Megan: I know of this Hey of which you speak. Talk you of us to welcome him back?
Killzone: Nay, he is trying to blackmail us to that very outcome. I am taking action so that he may never be welcome anywhere. We will rid him of our town, but I wish to see to it that his banishment goes further. We will not tolerate him nor wish him well anywhere where he can cause trouble near our sphere of influence.
Megan: I think it best had you brought this to the complaints department.
Killzone: Well what be you?
Megan: I tend to the requests.
Killzone: It is a request.
Megan: It sounds to me a complaint.
Killzone: What difference does it make?
Megan: My job is made the harder when filings of complaints are made with me and not to the proper filer for I deal with requests.
Killzone: The point, you have missed. I am REQUESTING that you don't do anything! Keep this psycho who hast f***ed up our town forums with cackles of rubbish from ever returning. Nothing need be done, but stay stringent with your own policies.
Megan: If you curse more in my presence I will have the Lady Excellfire banish you!

{Enter Arcon.}

Arcon: How fair thee, Killzone?
Killzone: Good to see you here Arcon, but I fair not well. This woman dost not understand my request.
Megan: Tis a complaint.
Arcon: What be your request?
Megan: Complaint it was.
Killzone: Quiet, you. Need you ask Arcon?
Arcon: Some confusion does hinder my understanding.
Killzone: I came to GameTalk to make certain Hey was never welcomed back. This I did for two reasons. Once we end Hey's tirade, we will have limited him greatly in the world. And until then to buy time for which to draw out the heroes of moderation.
Arcon: I vouch for honoured Killzone, dont let Hey back into your midst. The smacktard is just a disgrace. Instead, if it be possible, sign his name to the register of many spam companies or something else of an annoying nature. This he will rue that he was ever a nuisance to us.
Megan: It still harkens to be more a complaint than a request.
Killzone: Continue this no further Arcon, there be no point. Enough time has past that we should look again for our heroes. I pray that Spectre and Emmbee have made necessary progress. To our home we go. We shall show this pitiful mite the meaning of PAIN!!

{Exit All. Enter Hey.}

Hey: I be at these gates and walls again. I be now welcomed, surely tis true.
Hey: .......You can let me in now ........................
Hey: .......... Hello? ................................
Hey: ................................................
Hey: ................................................
Hey: ................................................
Hey: ................................................
Hey: ................................................
Hey: ................................................
Hey: .......................................... Bitternuts!!! They tricked me! THOSE SLURTS!!!

{Exit Hey.}
_________________________________
SCENE II

{Enter Spectre and EmmBee.}

mb52: Good news, Spectre. I believe Stinger to be looking for this insane mouth of mayhem.
Spectre: Sure are you? Stinger have I not been able to contact.
mb52: Perhaps another of the heroes of moderation then, I be not certain. However, much of the town has awaken to this lone tirants escapades.
Spectre: Good. Ah here comes a hero hence.

{Enter Tachyon.}

Spectre: What news of Hey?
Tachyon: We be at work on his case ... pinning his movements, removing his memory from our fair town, only a temporary solution though. Back to work ...

{Exit Tachyon.}

mb52: That did not soothe my worries?
Spectre: Nor mine of late. EmmBee, had been you aware when the great shroud of the eclipse came upon our town?
mb52: Yay, could not see, could not do, our town was shut down from its normal activities for a time.
Spectre: A dire sign, a proclamation of strong intent. Methinks that Hey be on his way. If we don't best him now, nere be a moments rest from now till the heroes again show.

{Enter force.}

force0179: Ok, apologies for this I be about to ask, but as I am still rather new around these parts, what the f*** is happening here?! Ye all running rampage or something??? What hast all the screaming been about? I do proclaim, tell me please!!
Spectre: A large of mouth loon has run screaming through the streets. He has shaken this fair town and is very likely at this moment coming here for more. This will be twice it has happened today and on two separate occasions have men run amok in our town over the course of a month.
force0179: I thank thee for this information, now with what little peace of mind I have kept I will leave having not been driven by uncertainty to do the same.

{Exit force. Enter Killzone and Arcon.}

Spectre: What news from GameTalk?
Arcon: We are reasonably assured that Hey will not be accepted back into GameTalk and on this very path back we did pass him going to that kingdom. It be a matter of time before he comes back when he finds no sanctuary. If it is to end, it is to end here.
Killzone: Alright! Friends, Posters, Modders lend me thy ears! Hey makes his way this very day! He shall not be welcomed! Make certain this retard knows we all hate and loathe him!! SPAM HIM, FLAME HIM, SLAY HIM WITH YOUR WORDS!!!! SHOW HIM OUR DETERMANATION!!! HE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!!!!!!!!! How was that?
mb52: I was impressed.
Spectre: As was I.
Arcon: You could have waited until other townsfolk were present to hear it, but twas good nonetheless.
Killzone: Okay, good. Spectre you will write me into your new play based off these recent occurrences will thee not?
Spectre: Absolutely. {Aside to EmmBee.} Not.
Killzone: Then show that there was a great mass of crowd that did congregate to hear me give that riveting speech.
Spectre: No problem, there were a multitude of people. Got it.
Killzone: Lets go into the square where we will duel flames with Hey.
mb52: Lead on.

{Exit all.}
_________________________________
SCENE III

{Enter Killzone, Spectre, EmmBee and a few others.}

Spectre: From this town we have gathered what flamers and warriors we could, but I think we do not yet have enough force to repel this nutjob headed our way.
Killzone: It will be enough. Look to your steel wit, here comes Arcon.

{Enter Arcon}

Arcon: Hey be on the horizon and doth approach most fervidly.
Killzone: To your positions! ... Wait for it.
mb52: He approaches too closely.
Killzone: Wait for it.
Spectre: What exactly are we waiting for?
Killzone: Wait for it.
Arcon: The moment of strike is near upon us.
Killzone: Wait for--I mean NOW!
Spectre: YOU SCUM SUCKING--
Arcon: VILLAINOUS WRETCH OF--
mb52: STINKY WAD OF--
Killzone: SLIPPERY PIECE OF--
Hey: YOU GAY SLURTS--
Spectre: --PIECE-O-SH** A** PUDDING--
Arcon: --FLAKY TW** DEBRIS--
mb52: --DRIPPY SP**** RESIDUE--
Killzone: --A CANCEROUS F***H***--
Hey: --B***ING EACH OTHER--
Spectre: --LIPS LICKING DEMON!
Arcon: --AFTER RIGAMORTIS SETS IN!
mb52: --HANGING FROM THE CEILING!
Killzone: --CAUSED BY HEMHEROIDS!
Hey: ..................................
Hey: ..........................
Hey: ..................
mb52: The dust does settle, praythee may I ask is it over?
Spectre: I know not. Where hath Hey strayed?
Killzone: Did we vanquish him?
Arcon: Can it have been that easy?

{Enter Bargib and Tachyon.}

Bargib: He is gone and wasted ... Bye!!! Grrr....
Tachyon: We did rid him of our town. The miscreant has been purged Sorry to all thee for having to witness such a disturbed wanderer in our midst.

{Enter Fear Factor}

Fear factor: Tis finally time that I arrive. During the strange inexplicable eclipse of our town I found myself unable to do a single task. But now I be here prepared to do battle! Wait! Do my eyes go astray? There be no more mess, I have missed the purge! @!!@&^*@#$*!!

CLOSE CURTAINS

NOTE: The eclipse, an event where the TLR server was down for a bit of time.

Go ahead, rub it on my face now I know how Obi-wan Kenobi felt watching Qui-Gonn battling Darth Maul from behind a force field

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahaahhahahhahahahahahahahhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man that was good!! Well done Sir Spectre!! Well Fing done!!! I especially like my bit!!! I cnt think of any other way to congratulate you!! hehehehe.... agh, well done mate... wel done... my sides hurt....

Bein an Outcast is about doin things you wanna do: Kill, Terrorise, Murder, Destroy, Smoke Cardamine, ya know, normal stuff.....

Bravo, Spectre. Any chance of a Julius Ceasar or Romeo and Juliet parody?

jedierrant

Saving damsels in distress,
Defending the defenseless,
Fighting for the underdog,
Don Quixote in an X-wing.

Play UT, and you'll leave crying Volun-Tears!

Very nice spectre.

you should write stage-plays. you are apperently good at old english
keep it up...

(Btw: thanx for mentioning me)

I'm the missing hero ? Yeah...uhm ...I was.....changing diapers of my very recently born baby girl, so I had a good reason for being absent.

hehehe, well, next time ill bring my portable nuke warhead...how about it? ill blast hey to the other side of the solar sistem... well, my piece was short, but what the hell! my first time in a play! and i wasnt that bad at all!!! lololol


to kill or to be killed...if it lives, kill it...if it stands, level it to da ground...if in doubt?WIPE IT OUT!

-man that is awesome!beautifull!! P-R-E-T-T-Y!!!! how do i blow it??!!

WOW, one line? I must have made a pretty big impression

Spectre, thou words art truly funny

And this all happened last night? Impressive.

Wait 'till Archie hears what he is being called...

---

Arcon ....... A Helpful Aide

---

That will really boost up his ego


Edited by - Locutus on 27-09-2003 15:23:22

hmph, i had a part in that story, alas i was not cast, woe is me, and a pox on thee

"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias

---

Arcon ....... A Helpful Aide

---

Damn you all! While i enjoy, no DEMAND, being included in pretty much every thread, "Helpful Aide" hardly describes my influence, my swift emailing to Bargib brougth this problem to an end, pronto.

ah well...
..good story from the "bard of lancer"

-arcon
------

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL




that was good.... do it again.....

BEWARE PETTY HUMAN, FOR YOU ARE CHEWY AND GOOD WITH KETCHUP!!!

leader of the dom kavosh dragons