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Did I hear someone laugh ?

This is where you can discuss your homework, family, just about anything, make strange sounds and otherwise discuss things which are really not related to the Lancer-series. Yes that means you can discuss other games.

Post Tue May 13, 2003 4:21 pm

Did I hear someone laugh ?

It´s time for some jokes IMHO

The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, ****."

Top ten signs that you are too drunk (*cough* Zeratural *cough* I couldn´t resist buddy )

10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
6. You can focus better with one eye closed.
5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.
4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.
3. Roseanne looks good.
2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.
1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.



" Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."


Edited by - Eraser on 13-05-2003 17:21:54

Post Tue May 13, 2003 4:24 pm

Alright, one more for today...for all you people currently undergoing exams

Fifty fun things to do during an exam

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a **** the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

32. Bring a water pistol with you.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher"

Post Tue May 13, 2003 4:43 pm

lol

Post Tue May 13, 2003 4:52 pm

Very Funny Eraser, a Better thing to do in an Exam is to write "I am a Fish" 400 times, stand up do a Space Corps Salute and faint

"A TopGun through and through"

Post Tue May 13, 2003 8:08 pm

Sounds to me that you actually did that

Post Tue May 13, 2003 11:55 pm












CMPT XPBATCKOJ !!!

Post Wed May 14, 2003 12:14 am

Great Eraser.
Some very funny ones you've found there

Post Wed May 14, 2003 8:12 am

i've seen that one eraser.. i got that off comic. com or something..

Science is knowledge.
Knowledge is power.
Time is money.
power = work/time
therefore, knowledge= work/money
therefore, money = work/knowledge
therefore, money is inversely proportional to knowledge.

therefore,

The more knowledge you have, the less money you have.

Post Wed May 14, 2003 9:43 am

A J Rimmer strikes again eh Top Gun?

Post Thu May 15, 2003 12:31 am

Bah! Purists, you know your too drunk when ur running ur bare arms around a farking sharp tree screaming at the top of your lungs the sky is fallings...

ofcourse i dont have any personal experience from that...

Post Thu May 15, 2003 1:08 am

Suuuure you don't.....




CMPT XPBATCKOJ !!!

Post Thu May 15, 2003 7:22 am

Heh he, Z can probably write an entire book with his experiences

The stories Z must have....

Post Thu May 15, 2003 10:14 am

Indeed he does Sai

Rimmer: Lister, if you must know, what I did was, I wrote a discourse on power circuits which was simply too *radical*, too *unconventional*, too *mould-breaking* for the examiners to accept.
Lister: Yeah, you wrote I am a Fish.





"A TopGun through and through"

Post Thu May 15, 2003 3:10 pm

Unlikely Mutant Superheroes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11. Barrag - Able to soak up small beverage spills and vomit.
10. Mastermind - Uses ESP to guess the order and colors of the enemy's ammo.
9. Retina - Has the ability to shoot his eyeballs from their sockets. May be used twice.
8. Hotdog - Can chew up various meat byproducts and excrete edible sausages.
7. Sprinkle - Creates a mildly annoying mist at will.
6. Freedom - Her body adjusts to fit comfortably into any clothing.
5. Triclops - Third eye really freaks out his enemies.
4. Catheter - Straw-like fingers helpful for draining fluids
3. Thermic - His hands can make things room temperature.
2. Translucid - Can almost become invisible.
1. Osmosis - Cannot get the crap beat out of him, because he has no bowels.


Signs You are Forgetting the Difference Between Your Eyes and Your GeForce

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11. You look at the sunset and think "I wonder if I can get this in 1024x768."
10. You blink and think "crap, more frame loss."
9. You stare at a leaf for hours and hours trying to discern the pixels.
8. You refer to people who use artificial things like Glasses and Contacts as "lousy VooDoo folk."
7. You avoid large groups for fear of overloading your polygon renderer.
6. Looking toward the horizon, you proudly announce "I found the clipping plane."
5. Your vision gets blurry and immediately you think "crap, need new drivers."
4. When you drive and the other guy has his brights on, you curse the gamma levels.
3. You seriously believe one eye has better OpenGL support than the other.
2. You complain to your doctor about biased benchmarks after failing your eye exam.
1. You sing the praises of nVidia engineers each time you see your reflection in a car bumper.


Rejected Titles for Episode III: Part II

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11. Jedi Knights III: The Movie
10. Vader of the Lost Darth
9. The Last Temptation of Anakin
8. How to Lose a Fan in 10 Minutes
7. Dude, Where's the Clone Wars?
6. In the Shadow of Tolkien
5. Jedi, Interrupted
4. Dawn of the Darth
3. Toy Story 3
2. The Search for Plot
1. The Sith Sense


Signs You're Becoming a Geek

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11. Monitor tan.
10. Before heading to the bathroom you inform your friends you're off to
download and log out.
9. You become physically ill at the mention of the RIAA, and visibly excited at the mention of object-oriented programming.
8. You have a poster on your wall of the Linux penguin.
7. You're mad because all your friends got goodnight kisses after prom, but your sister just slugged you in the arm and said "Thanks, bro."
6. You think having twice as many computers as there are people in the house is a bare minimum.
5. You feel that living life like the movie "tron" wouldn't be so bad.
4. In your little black book, you list (both) the girls you know in order by IP address.
3. You can type faster than you can speak
2. When your shrink says "Mother . . . " you say " . . . Board."
1. If, by some happy accident, you someday have kids, you want to name them after your favorite fonts.


Enough for today...


-- Gamer Heaven, where the screenshots are never blurry, and the script kiddies get publically kicked around. -#reallife

Join the army against the Chaos
An offer you cannot refuse

Post Thu May 15, 2003 9:42 pm


This gets more fun by the minute...




CMPT XPBATCKOJ !!!

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