OK, funny man here....j/k, don't want to bloat....

Ok, a man and his 3 daughters are all sitting in a car on the way to visit their aunt.
One daughter says "daddy, how did i get my name"
The dad replies "when you were a just born, the doctor dropped a rose petal on you head, so we named you Rose"
Satisified, Rose is now quiet.
Another daughter asks "daddy, how did i get MY name"
the dad replies "when you were a just born, the doctor dropped a daisy petal on you head, so we named you Daisy"
Satisied, Daisy is now quiet.
the last daughter mumbles something that sounds like "bawaaplsbwdsfplf"
The dad says "shut the hell up Cinder Block!!!"

Three guys are sitting in a sauna, an American guy, a Japanese guy, and an Irish guy named Paddy
Suddenly they hear a beeping noise
The Japanese guy taps his ear and the beeping stops.
The American guy says "what was that"
The japanese guy explains that he had a cell phone implanted in his ear and he can turn it on and off by pressing his ear
"OK" says the American guy
5 Minutes later they hear a buzzing noise starts
The American guy taps his wrist and it stops
Paddy asks "wtf was that"
American guy says "Oh, I had a pager put into my wrist, its got all the controls in my wrist"
"Oh," says Paddy
Paddy starts to feel jealous, and like an Irishman he decides that he cannot seem inferior to the others technologically
Paddy says "hey guys, i gotta use the john"
So Paddy does as he says and heads to the john.
He takes some toilet paper from the bathroom and sticks it up his butt, making sure it is nice and loose.
He returns to the sauna with the toilet paper hanging from his ass.
The Japanese guy starts to stare at him
Noticing he's gotten some attention, Paddy puts on his most serious face and says "Oh, guys, I'm getting a fax"

Let's see...oh yes...blonde jokes!!!!

Three blondes are stranded on an island.
One day they find a magic lamp
They rub it and a genie comes out and grants them each one wish
The first blonde wishes for a rowboat so she can get off the island
KAPOOPH!!And a rowboat appears
The second blonde goes up and wishes for a motorboat to get off the island
SPAZAAM!!And a motorboat appears
The third blonde goes up and wishes to be a Brunette
KAZOOM!!She turns into a brunette and walks across the bridge

OK, not a blonde joke but funny

Three guys are climbing a mountain
The legend of the mountain says that if you make it to the top and jump off the mountain you will turn into whatever you yell out.
Eventually, they make it to the top
The first guy runs jumps off the mountain and yells out Falcon!!!
He turns into a falcon and flies away
The second guy, seeing the success, leaps off and yells out Eagle!!!
He turns into an eagle and soars off
The third guy, now all alone, backs up as far as possible and starts running as fast as he can
As he nears the end, he trips over a pebble and yells out "Oh S**T!!!"

A guy walks into a bar on the 12th floor of a hotel, we'll call him Jay.
This guy calls him over, we'll call the guy Stan
So Jay walks over to Stan
Stan is sipping a blue drink and Jay curiously asks what it is
Stan replies "Magic Wine"
"Oh yeah, right, Magic Wine" says Jay
No really says Stan
Oh yeah what can it do, asks Jay
Stan replies, it allows you to fly
Jay, knowing Stan must be crazy, says ok, lets see
So Stan says yeah ok, and leaps out the window, flies straight forward then turns around and comes back into the bar.
Jay says,"ha, that was rigged, do it again"
So Stan, again leaps out the window, flies forward, then does a flip,turns right, flies down, then back up, then turns left, then comes back to the bar.
Jay, now a believer says "Bartender, I'll have what he's having"
The bartender says "Yeah, OK, whatever"
Bartender serves up Jay.
Jay drinks some Magic Wine and leaps out the window
AHHHHHH!!!!!!AHHHHHHH!!!!!
AHHHHHH!!!!!!AHHHHHHH!!!!!
SPLAT!!!!
The bartender looks out the window, sees Jay lying there dead, then turns to Stan and says
"Damnit Superman, you can be such a dick when you're drunk!!"