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CYO Fanfic RPG: SignUp & OOC Discussion

Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe

Post Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:28 am

good first post, just one thing


When that was done he pulled out the wire from the socket that connected him with the computer. He pulled it out from the socket on his arm and closed the lid to dust and other small things from gathering in the 'armsocket', and put the wire in his pocket.


that doesnt read very well, it took me a few read throughs to understand what you were trying to say. maybe something like this:

"When that was done he pulled out the wire from the socket in his arm that connected him with the computer. he closed the lid to prevend dust and other things collecting in the 'armsocket' and put the wire in his pocket"

just a thought

Post Tue Aug 23, 2005 11:55 am

What's that little thing called at the end of the wire? The one that you put into the socket? Sorry if you don't understand. I'm a Swede and a nearly don't speak as good English as you do.

I got the idea from some science film on the TV about cyborgs. Some British guy used alot of wires going into his arm and upp into the brain or something else. With that he could e.g. control a thirda han (a mechanical one) or link together with a computer as if it was a part of him.

It was similiar to what I thought. Only that there are sockets on your are instead of having wires going through your body. I hope you understand.

Well, bedtime. School has started and I've got to come in time. Hejdå.

Post Tue Aug 23, 2005 4:16 pm

I think you're talking about a plug. Dont worry about the language gap, your english is fantastic, much better than my spanish... Most of us here have been speaking english our whole lives so it should come a little easier I hope.

the easiest way to make your writting flow easier would be to reread it, looking for sentences where you repeat facts from the sentence before or anywhere the story doesnt flow well. these are the places you need to change. feel free to send you updates to me and I can proof read them if you want, Im sure there are others here who would be happy to do the same. Keep up the good work, nice to have a new face, not to mention I'm not the new kid anymore =D

on a different note, Athena I would like to chat with you about these nodes on the back of the TGL people. what is it? Gabe doesnt have one (for one it would ruin his cover) and I'd appreciate it if you explained this further, no nomad host had this...

also, I had a conversation with code about TGL stuff, and I saw them as more of a hidden group. I didnt see them using capital ships simply because those were too hard to hide. the system itself is swarming with nomads to a degree (in the game at least) wouldnt they find them? and the minefield isnt TGL placed is is by the nomads.... maybe I'm reading it wrong but facts seem to be getting mixed and crossed...

I'll begin my next update once DSQ gets his up (I think he was typing one...)

toodles

Post Wed Aug 24, 2005 12:40 am

The 'nodes' on the back of the TGL's necks were (in my random imagination) a physical manifestation of the relationship between the human host and the spirit form. I wanted to create the sense these beings were alien, yet human in appearance, perhaps recently discovering or exploring the symbiotic alignment of their physical forms.

Let's try and play that back, I think I managed to confuse myself lol

In Freelancer, the Nomads were capable of subterfuge by 'implanting' human hosts with Nomad creatures. I thought the TGL would have a similar approach to life-force sharing, but would be much less invasive. The nodes merely indicated they had a host. They can be detached, and the spirit partner would still be 'attached' or 'communicate' with their human host through telepathy. However, the enhancement provided by the node would not be as strong, some of the residual power would remain, but not near the capacity had the host still be connected.

I hope that made 'some' sense!

I'm very happy to re-write any parts you feel don't align with your vision of the TGL. Tbh, I was getting impatient and wanted to move this part of the story along and I blame Code, personally, for making the TGL intervene at that point (j/k hon), it was all his idea to bring them into the story you see.

The cruiser was a logical step in my mind. For the TGL to bomb a semi-large area they would need a fairly large ship or advanced technology to do this. HK sent the pics you developed of their ships (very nice, I might add) and I decided, to support that kind of vessel, armament, troop capacity they would need a base. Ah hah! But the TGL are not a well-known entity in Sirius, therefore their base would have to go undetected for long periods of time. Ah hah! If this is true, they would either have a station, in some uncharted territory, stealth technology (no-no-no), or the ability to warp in and out of places (no-no-no). So, with that in mind, the base would need to be mobile. And so I thought of the Order and their base, a cruiser (or battleship? some large vessel anyway). A cruiser would have enough space for the sorts of things I mentioned and given it could be constantly on the move, would be much harder to detect and defend.

Yes, the mines would be dangerous for a cruiser (they could be destroyed but surely would alert a large Nomad force), but a dropship could negotiate them fairly easily.

So there's my wayward logic on the TGL's current assets (eep, sound like an accountant).

Now. If you want me to re-write any parts pls let me know. My portrayal of the TGL was purely for continuity (artifact, TGL bomb the Covenenant), character (the different approaches to interrogation from R&T and the gradual exploration of TGL psyche) and visual clarity purposes (for my own benefit lol), the scene isn't intrinsic to this particular story arc and could just as easily be covered by a shorter section where R&T get knocked out, and wake up with a data pad nearby.

Let me know soon though so I can get working on it and keep up the flow, heaven knows Code will pester me for an update otherwise lol

Post Wed Aug 24, 2005 7:24 am


... it was all his idea to bring them into the story you see.
Guilty.


... heaven knows Code will pester me for an update otherwise lol
Guilty.



As far as the issues go, I'm pretty much unconcerned at this stage. (Holy crap! Code's not worried about something for once?!) Ultimately I just need to know if any chnages are going to have to be made so I can get on with my update. The more vital issue for me is the cruiser thing though, not the bulbous protrusion thing.

I did have a thought about the nodes though. Maybe Chambers and Garibald have "pregnant" symbiotes. I mean, surely they need to reproduce somehow, right?

Anyway. I'm itching to finish my update, so lets have some answers!

Oh, one more thing. Athena, you should probably update the cast list in the main thread.

Edited by - Codename on 8/24/2005 8:25:03 AM

Post Wed Aug 24, 2005 7:28 am

$%&@ stop giving me work, young man!!

/stalks away to amend the title post..

/smiles sweetly

you can go some way to repairing the fallout from that post by sending me an e-mail with new / updated players

ttfn x

Edited by - athena on 8/24/2005 8:30:48 AM

Post Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:42 am

Ok, well....

MY outline of the TGL in my Bio said their main base is on gammu...

the robots are a Facade to keep visitors of the TGL's back and make an excuse for human travel around the system. the TGL's base is littered throughout the planet with hangers and other facilities littered around the place camoflaged in with the rocky scenery. the bombing could have been done by fighters in the atmosphere droping boms or even just mines with the traking computer replaced with extra explosives crating a "dumb" bomb that would just fall due to gravity.

with a cruiser there are many problems, first if it carried ships it couldnt carry anything else of any substance due to it's small size. look at the cruisers of all the houses and their sizes (granted they would be much bigger in real life) the ship would have to be a battleship to ruely serve as a moble base, as a cruiser it would be too weak. if it could carry all their ships it would lack all the equipment and living quarters for the people on board if they wanted the cruiser to have any defenses and an engine.

also for the TGL to remain hidden they would not only have to destroy the ground forces but any covenant/nomad ships in the space above before they could return to gammu. this would cause a massive retaliation and search from the Covenant (I'd imagine) and the TGL wouldnt last in the system unless thy were extremely well hidden. with that in mind perhaps they do have a battleship that was, until now, hidden away one gammu somewhere and has now had to deploy so they can guard the artifact or move to a new system.

with the node, perhaps it is a sign of a recent implantation? something that disappears with time as the two beings merge, and when the host is dieing the node reappears so it can be harvested and implanted into a new host...

anyway that ends my somewhat coherant rant, sorry if I went and made things difficult, just my ideas, I realize I did disappear and you all had to make decisions without me, so feel free to leave it if you want, but I think some things are still a little hazy....

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:29 am

"Well everyone I have no Idea where the time went, but Im off to Costa Rica for ten days... which means no contact with a computer... feel free to write gabe into whatever if you want, I dont want to delay anything with my absence. Konn, DSQ, feel free to decide what they find in Omega Five If you want to continue it...

Talk to you guys in a few"

Sorry FA you felt the need to rant. Still I hope you got all that angst off your chest! I went ahead with my post, mostly because of the quote above and Code's desire to introduce the TGL physically into the story (other than Gabe, which I felt wouldn't be right to write about as I know little about your story arc).

I'm more than happy to re-write certain (or all) of my post, but do I need some help, specifically which parts you're unhappy with and how you'd like me to fix them.

I see three main issues with what I wrote, do correct / add if I'm wrong.

Firstly, the attack on the Covenant troops could be accomplished by a remote bomb(s).

Secondly, cruiser? Or battleship? I don't mind. Both sound large to me lol

Finally, if the nodes on the back of the TGL's necks are a major issue I can change them, shrink them perhaps? I just wanted some kind of difference between a TGL and regular Sirius human.

Let me know

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 4:14 am

And, please, be decisive. If there are things you want changed, tell us what they are, and what they ought to be changed to. If you're happy to leave things, tell us. At this point equivocation is probably the worst thing we could be left with since it holds everyone back.

Edited by - Codename on 8/25/2005 5:31:05 AM

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:49 am

ok well

the first one shouldnt take any editing. If I remember correctly T & R didnt see anything just heard the bombs land. Id say fighters sweapt over and bombed, orbital bombardment doesnt really seem like the TGL... theyre a small group and the logistics of it dont really work with their history...

secondly the ship. If they have a capital ship Id say it is a battleship, a cruiser would be too small. and it looks like an amagamation of all the different house's technology as well as the nomads, taking the best from each. how they've kept it unnoticed for all this time and how they will as they protect all the artifacts in sirius, I leave that up to you, its your creation.

thirdly the nodes... one way or another Gabe doesnt have one. Sirians are far too xenophobic as it is, the TGL cant afford something so obvious that seperated them form the normal. if anything make it hideable, something on their back or something. a bulge on the back of your neck draws attention, and attention is the TGL's worst enemy, running from the nomads, fighting the covenant, the order would be very very weary in believeing and befriending them. does that make any sense? maybe the reasoning is that some people get it as a reaction to the implant, of those with it have ones with larger brains or something so that the agent out in the field dont have such an obvious thing that could be so easily targeted by their opponents... is that logical? or am I just wierd?

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:31 pm


the first one shouldnt take any editing. If I remember correctly T & R didnt see anything just heard the bombs land. Id say fighters sweapt over and bombed, orbital bombardment doesnt really seem like the TGL... theyre a small group and the logistics of it dont really work with their history...


This seems to be self-contradictory. You indicate the fighters "bombed", but that orbital bombardment doesn't "seem like the TGL". Well, they either bombed from out in space or they did it flying overhead.


secondly the ship. If they have a capital ship Id say it is a battleship, a cruiser would be too small. and it looks like an amagamation of all the different house's technology as well as the nomads, taking the best from each. how they've kept it unnoticed for all this time and how they will as they protect all the artifacts in sirius, I leave that up to you, its your creation.


Yes, but you invented the TGL. What IS their level of advancement, so we can work off a self-consistent "template"?


thirdly the nodes... one way or another Gabe doesnt have one. Sirians are far too xenophobic as it is, the TGL cant afford something so obvious that seperated them form the normal. if anything make it hideable, something on their back or something. a bulge on the back of your neck draws attention, and attention is the TGL's worst enemy, running from the nomads, fighting the covenant, the order would be very very weary in believeing and befriending them. does that make any sense? maybe the reasoning is that some people get it as a reaction to the implant, of those with it have ones with larger brains or something so that the agent out in the field dont have such an obvious thing that could be so easily targeted by their opponents... is that logical? or am I just wierd?


The simplest answer is that the nodes are a transitional stage between initial implantation of the "parasite" into the human host.

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:07 pm

there is a big difference between a straifing run by a few fighters and launching missles/ bombs from a ship, which must go through an atmosphere fall, accurately through the atmosphere and impact that accurately. with most guns in FL being some sort of matter, they would suffer the same effect, lasers, depending on their nature and that of the atmosphere could be defracted/refelcted ect... needless to say the orbital would be a lot more work and not be this kind of a surgical strike... or is my physics flawed...

also the TGL dont have any technology that doesnt exist in sirius, they just have put together the best of nomad and sirian tech to have the best technology they possibly could... basicly if you havnt seen it, they dont have it. is that clearer?

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:10 pm

Okay. If I understand you correctly then, there’s very little that you actually want changed. We do need certain things that might look like discrepancies to be reconciled (the nodes, for example), but that can happen in the post I’m working on now, or when R&T finally meet up w/Gabe.

The one thing I think we do need to see changed is the description of the ship. Instead of a Cruiser, or even a Battleship, what we need is some sort of Carrier. Why a Carrier? Because we need something big enough to carry a lot of ships (and even in FL most b-ships don’t look big enough to handle more than half a squadron), but that isn’t designed as a weapon in itself (because the TGL apparently don’t work that way).

I envision something large, and mostly grey, with some glowy yellow bits. The superstructure should be dominated by a massive hangar/docking bay. The bridge, or some sort of observation tower can rise up from the main body, sort of like the thing coming out of the TGL fighter’s cockpit.

Try picturing the TGL dropship made symmetrical along its horizontal axis, rotated 90 degrees and stretched horizontally by around 25%. Remove the cockpit bubble and replace it with some sort of docking mechanism, or series of docking mechanisms. Now shrink the engine pods by about 60% and slide them around so they’re mounted more at the rear of the ship, and closer to the main body (they might even be blended into the fuselage, as opposed to being attached by struts). Finally, stick the little tail thing from the fighter on the top of the ship (adjusted for scale of course). That’s how I’d imagine it.

Because it’s a carrier it won’t have much – if any – offensive weaponry. What it will have are lots of ships (both TGL designs as well as a healthy compliment of Sirian fighters) and maybe even shields.

Now, FA, is there anything at all, other than the capital ship design, that Athena needs to change in her post? A simple “yes” or “no” will do nicely.

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:30 pm

lets keep things easy and leave Athena's post... then we can all move on. I'll cook a carrier up on gmax and shoot a pic over to you... =D

sorry for all my whining, hope it wasnt too agrivating... =/

Post Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:36 pm

Meh, it wasn't so bad.

Send the pic to Athena too.

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