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Prototype story

Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe

Post Fri Jul 23, 2004 12:53 pm

just awsome. keep it up. When I said second best, i meant second best i have read. Neuromancer's being first, then yours. kool?

"Go Neuromancer!!! Keep righting that fiction man!!!"

Post Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:14 pm

well whatabout the one i helped with*looks hurt* j/k

this seriously tho is very good.

Edited by - Dragonborn on 7/23/2004 2:14:13 PM

Post Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:39 pm

damn I'm impressed keep going man

DoN'T hATE ThE PlaYEr,
HatE The GAmE.
I hAte The DeSiGnER.......

Post Fri Jul 23, 2004 2:30 pm

yeah man, its cool. And the next part is coming tomorrow. or maybe today evening

Post Fri Jul 23, 2004 7:47 pm

good work keep it up

Post Mon Jul 26, 2004 10:16 am

short and sweet...

“Jump initiated,” the computerized voice said.
The thing with jump gates is that you don’t feel any acceleration. The two linked jump gates form a tunnel that you go through at normal speed. There is a catch though. Your weapon systems are disabled for a few moments when your ship exits. Those few moments could cost you your life. And they almost took Trent’s as he came out of the jump hole. Outcasts were waiting. As soon as Trent came out of the jump-hole, the Outcasts attacked in force. They took out his shields in an instant, and then they attacked his engines. Trent felt a shudder as his engines chocked and died. He frantically tried to restart them, but there is only so much you can do when they are fried. He send out his nano-bots to try and repair them. He waited, frantically pushing the start button, but the engines wouldn’t start up. Trent waited motionless in space, unable to do anything. Or could he? Trent realized that they didn’t kill him because he had his PPC on board, and they Outcasts wanted it. Trent was surprised as his COM link chirped to life
“Freelancer, give up you cargo and you and your ship can go home. The Outcasts will always be very generous with your life. We WILL get that cannon in your cargo no matter what.”
“No matter what, huh? I’m a business man and I like credits. So let’s just say that the Liberty Navy wants it and there is nothing you can do. Unless you have four million in your pocket, I suggest you leave me aloe or I will blow this ship to bits.”
“All right, I can see you’ve made you decision.’ The pilot on the other end of the line pushed a button and the screen vanished.
The surrounding Outcasts made the ring tighter around Trent, and tractor locked him.
“Not again,’ Trent mumbled, but before he could start relocating the tractor beams his entire nav, weapons, engine management, and his com system turned off. Then the entire ship whined, as the power was lost and life support failed.
They were going to “smoke him out”. There was no way out. Trent felt as his lungs begin starving for oxygen and his vision start to swim. He was running out of time…fast.


Edited by - SmoothFlame on 7/26/2004 11:17:34 AM

Post Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:09 am

So far so good, but don't focus on the jargon and technical dealies. We're all FL people here, we know how this stuff works. Focus on your story, it can more than stand on its own so let it. --- VH16

I am Nobody; Nobody is Perfect; Therefore, I am Perfect

Post Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:43 am

but it makes me look like i know wtf im talking about...

Post Mon Jul 26, 2004 3:59 pm

Just saying, a wee bit distracting is all. I get engulfed in a storyline and then get snapped back out to the quasi real world when you start talking about the nature of nano-bots. If you think you can pull it off and it makes you happy, go for it, I'm just saying the technical lessons on the finer points of experimental cossair prototype weaponry is a bit distracting to me from an otherwise excellent tale. --- VH16

Post Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:40 pm

very good, i like it. this is original, the only fanfic i read on this site (including mine, lol) has to deal with what ppl think happens after the FL storyline. keep it comming

Post Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:50 am

Not bad, I admire your skill on story writing

Never hold back, for the memories of life are the true treasures

Post Tue Jul 27, 2004 1:47 pm

I NEED MORE, IM STARTING TO BREAK THINGS. I AM HAVING WITHDRAWLS. I WAS WATCHING A SHOW ON G4TECHTV(CAUSE I WAS BOARD) AND I PUNCHED THE TV BECAUSE DIANE MEZOITA DIDNT FLASH HERSELF

Post Tue Jul 27, 2004 4:28 pm

"SMACKS KILLA"

Get a hold of you self. and stop spaming!!

Post Wed Jul 28, 2004 4:43 am

Ok, an idea for the next part. The Corsairs come out of nowhere, and they and the Outcast have a big fight. Trent ejects, and Tobias in a Hawk (He bought it with the million credits) Flies through the jump gate and tractors in Trent. Unfortunately he cant do anything about the Rhino, so has to leave.

Now, the Liberty Navy has already paid Tobias and Trent, but they've lost the goods. So they become wanted criminals. I dunno what happens next, maybe the rouges or sum1 takes them in.

Youve been playing Freelancer to much when to police pull you over.

Policeman: Your name, sir?
You: Freelancer Alpha 1-1. Nice Patriot, officer.

Policeman thinks your're on drugs.

Policeman: Im going to have a look in the trunk.
You: You mean scan my cargo hold? Theres nothing in there but a few Light Arms, im delivering them to a Navy Base.

Policeman looks in trunk

You look for the cruise engines button, pressing the horn frantically.

All the people on the road stop and stare.

The policeman pulls you out of the car and handcuffs you.

You: Dont take me to LPI Huntsville........ They'll make me make consumer goods!

Post Wed Jul 28, 2004 8:54 am

hold on u guys... sorry for the big wait.... im just finishin up. going through concepts and stuff

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