So frustrated I could Scream!!!

Thu Jan 27, 2005 11:34 pm by mdutr0

So here's the deal.

There's this girl (I wonder how many posts start with that phrase). She's great in every possible way. She's a friend of mine that I definitely have feelings for that are a lot more than friendly. I don't think she knows it.

Anyway, she's got a boyfriend. Personally, I'm the kind of guy that respects others enough not to interfere; I don't want to but in where I don't belong or anything, right? It's a long distance thing. She tells me about him all the time - complains about him is more like it. I've never met the guy but he treats her like dirt. Lately, she says it's just getting worse and worse. I listen when she wants to talk about it, like a friend does, and give advice when she asks.

But it's damned hard and, to be frank, I'm sick of it. I wish I could just grab her by the shoulders and shake her and say something like "Are you blind??? I would like nothing better than to treat you the way I know you deserve to be treated: like frickin' royalty." But I can't do that can I? I mean, I'm her friend, she comes to me with her problems and feels better about them when she leaves, but I feel worse every time I see her. I have a responsiblity to her, I think anyway, to be there for her and I'm trying, I really am, but I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just venting, but thanks for listening,

mdutr0

Fri Jan 28, 2005 3:00 am by kimk

lets the relationship wane. if it ever does. and it'd be nice if you could give me some details as to how he's treating her like dirt. i happen to be in a long distance relationship as well. just want to know if i'm doign anything out of line.

and yeah, remain as her friend all through. dont try to start anything. at least thats what i'd do.

Fri Jan 28, 2005 5:17 am by H.Q. Victor

At this point in time, simple be a friend to her. She has a boyfriend, so that means hands off. If she needs help, be a friend that is there when or if she needs it. If she opens the subject, then tell her your feelings, other wise, don't. It would be medealing in something that is not your place. You wouldn't like it if she were your girlfriend and someone else wanted her, Hmmm?

Give her space and be a friend to her for now.

Edited by - Finalday on 1/28/2005 5:17:48 AM

Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:03 am by kimk

you find yourself very much in my shoes really. i was a friend to my gf now for quite a while. i waited for a long time actually. you wait too, if you can. hopefully things will work out in your favor.

best of luck to you.

but i kind of hope her long distance relationship would work out, as i also am in one.

Fri Jan 28, 2005 6:42 pm by arton alpha

been there done that, but the girl i know took care of it herself i just gave her the corage to kill the relationship (and get a restraining order but thats a different story

) just be a friend and a sholder when needed it'll work out

Fri Jan 28, 2005 7:54 pm by calshire

Listening is one thing in these situations. But sometimes, giving advice is good too -- but only if it's constructive. I can't give blanket statements for every situation, but.. you just have to know when she's ready for it.

In the end, she has to make the choice for herself. It's hard, I know, but it's the only way she'll grow and learn from all this.

Sat Jan 29, 2005 12:34 am by sycho warrior

Actually we dont get that many threads about girls. (luckily

)

Just be careful in giving her advice to just break up with her bf, even if it is the right advice, she might later think that you only told her to break up with her bf because you wanted to date her. Have you ever asked her why she is still dating him?

Edited by - sycho warrior on 1/29/2005 12:39:49 AM

Sat Jan 29, 2005 8:36 pm by DemonSlayer

All you can do is be her friend. Comfort her when she's sad, and talk. If the relationship between her and her boyfriend breaks don't rush in, take it slow, and let her have some time with her thoughts. Be there for her and don't get frustrated. Oh yeah to answer the question that was in your post, you can't shake her and ask her if she's blind. That would be odd....Anyway just stand by her always, never do anything to hurt her, and stay calm. That's all the advice I can give ya.

Best wishes to ya.

Edited by - DemonSlayer on 1/29/2005 9:01:10 PM

Sun Jan 30, 2005 10:55 pm by The Ninja

what are you on about sw? we had heaps of threads about this subject (I know, i started about 50% of them).

anyway, if you dont get off your ass and do something you'll end up regretting not have moving sooner. not as violent as you describe, but be subtle about it. just drop hints. should work out.

Love Shark

Wed Feb 02, 2005 12:31 pm by mdutr0

Thanks for the advice and encouragement!

I have no intention of telling her how I feel really. I wouldn't appreciate it at all if I were in the bf's place so I won't do it.
I guess I just posted to be able to tell someone, to get it off my chest. I don't really know what's going to happen. From what she tells me it seems that they are headed for a split but I don't want to get my hopes up or anything. I suppose I have just been feeling a little helpless here really. It would be so much easier if I didn't have any feelings for her at all - but it's kind of hard to change that.

Oh well, I guess I'll just keep on keeping on.

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