Have low expectations, that way ur always surprised!

"Heres your motto: Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work when people are watching."

I like the one I used to have as a sig, one of my friends came up with it

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A good pun is its own reword

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I am the Precedents of the United States.."

I don't even need to bother explaining that one, do I?

Is that from Bush or someone else?

This started out with some quality quotes, and then (no offence anyone) has gone downhill into 'personal' additions - lines made up etc.

Stating quips - like 'if at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.....'

Thats not a quote.

Lets see REAL quotes if you want to continue the thread

No offence for those who contributed by the way, just hoping we get some real quotes into a thread about quotes is all.

Time to dig up my copy of the ODHQ...

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Demosthenes: The Athenians will kill thee, Phocion, should they go crazy
Phocion: But they will kill thee, should they come to their senses

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In a newspaper:

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SIXTY HORSES WEDGED IN CHIMNEY

The story to fit this sensational headline has not turned up yet

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Know yourself and know your enemy, Victory is assured in a hundred Battles
- Sun Zi, Chinese Strategist

and:

" I would rather betray the world than have the world betray me!" Cao Cao, Ruler of Wei kingdom during the Three Kingdoms Period of China

the master of the cocked-up quotation has to be Britain's one and only David Coleman. Here's some examples of his art..

1. That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record.
2. Don't tell those coming in the final result of that fantastic match, but let's just have another look at Italy's winning goal.
3. For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2.
4. This is a truly international field, no Britons involved.
5. Both of the Villa scorers - Withe and Mortimer - were born in Liverpool as was the Villa manager Ron Saunders who was born in Birkenhead.
6. He's 31 this year - last year he was 30.
7. He won the bronze medal in the 1976 Olympics so he's used to being out in front.
8. We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waltz is 80 seconds behind.
9. Linford Christie's got a habit of pulling it out when it matters most.
10. The late start is due to the time.
11. He's got his hands on his knees and holds his head in despair.
12. He's even smaller in real life than he is on the track.
13. This could be a repeat of what will happen in the European games next week.
14. It's a battle with himself and with the ticking fingers of the clock.
15. Here are some names to look forward to - perhaps in the future.
16. In the Moscow Olympics Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champions race.
17. He just can't believe what's not happening to him.
18. One of the great unknown champions because very little is known about him.
19. There'll be only one winner now - in every sense.
20. He is accelerating all the time. The last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before that in 62.
21. The big Cuban opened his legs and showed his class.
22. (At the velodrome) The front wheel crosses the fininsh line, closely followed by the back wheel.

Taw it seems you know something about everything

@Taw, ever read a book called Colemanballs by any chance?

"The Gold, Silver and Bronze will be won by one of these five" - Coleman
"That was an impressive run by the two English runners - one running for England and the other for Wales." - Coleman
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter
"He's pulling off defender's shoulders and making it difficult for them." - Kevin Keegan
"He couldn't quite wrap his head around the ball." - Clive Tyldesley
"It was still moving when it hit the back of the net." - Kevin Keegan
"They (The Dutch defence) were still in the dressing room when they came out for the second half." - Brian Moore
"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they have eleven internationals out there today." - Steve Lomas
"If you'd offered me a 69 at the start this morning I'd have been all over you. - Sam Torrence."
"They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that." - Kevin Keegan
"Football's always easier when you've got the ball." - Kevin Keegan.
"He's only nineteen. That's the same age Eddy Irvine was when he was nineteen." - Radio 5 Commentator
"There was a lot of physical contact with goalkeepers in those days, and he used to literally kill them." - Alan Mullery
"I have a feeling that, if she had been playing against herself, she would have won that point." - Bob Hewitt

"Tony Banks described the English fans arrested in Marseilles as 'Brain Dead Louts'. This goes for me as well." - Secretary of the FSA

Edited by - Accushot on 10/9/2004 9:00:00 AM

man I got Pravda Eye every week mainly for Colemanballs "remaaaaaaaaaaaarkable yes indeed" !

David Coleman, only to be challenged in his butchery of the English language by Kevin Keegan..

but let's not leave our American friends out of this! they've had some true class acts in the field of verbal balls-ups and infamous quotes; not least from that latter-day paragon of virtue, Ronald Reagan and his "reign of error." ok I know Stinger's going to lambast me for this, but honestly I always got such a kick out of Ronnie's gaffes, the poor old duffer really didn't have a clue what was going on. here's some select pieces..

"A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?"
--Ronald Reagan (Governor of California), quoted in the Sacramento Bee, opposing expansion of Redwood National Park, March 3, 1966

"I don't believe a tree is a tree and if you've seen one you've seen them all."
--Governor Ronald Reagan, in the Sacramento Bee, September 14, 1966

"All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk."
--Ronald Reagan (Republican candidate for president), quoted in the Burlington (Vermont) Free Press, February 15, 1980. (In reality, the average nuclear reactor generates 30 tons of radioactive waste per year.)

"I have flown twice over Mount St. Helens. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the figures, but I have a suspicion that one little mountain out there, in these last several months, has probably released more sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere than has been released in the last ten years of automobile driving or things of that kind."
--Ronald Reagan, quoted in Time magazine, October 20, 1980. (According to scientists, Mount St. Helens emitted about 2,000 tons of sulfur dioxide per day at its peak activity, compared with 81,000 tons per day produced by cars.)

"Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93 percent of the oxides of nitrogen."
--Ronald Reagan, quoted in the Los Angeles Times, October 9, 1980. (According to Dr. Michael Oppenheimer of the Environmental Defense Fund, industrial sources are responsible for at least 65 percent and possibly as much as 90 percent of the oxides of nitrogen in the U.S.)

"Approximately 80 percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation. So let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards for man-made sources."
--Ronald Reagan, quoted in Sierra, September 10, 1980

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. The U.S. Geological Survey has told me that the proven potential for oil in Alaska alone is greater than the proven reserves in Saudi Arabia."
--Ronald Reagan, quoted in the Detroit Free Press, March 23, 1980. (According to the USGS, the Saudi reserves of 165.5 billion barrels are 17 times the proven reserves--9.2 billion barrels--in Alaska.)

"Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?"
--Ronald Reagan, campaign speech, 1980

"Trains are not any more energy efficient than the average automobile, with both getting about 48 passenger miles to the gallon."
--Ronald Reagan, quoted in the Chicago Tribune, May 10, 1980. (The U.S. Department of Transportation calculates that a 14-car train traveling at 80 miles per hour gets 400 passenger miles to the gallon. A 1980 auto carrying an average of 2.2 people gets 42.6 passenger miles to the gallon.)

"It's silly talking about how many years we will have to spend in the jungles of Vietnam when we could pave the whole country and put parking stripes on it and still be home by Christmas."
--Ronald Reagan (candidate for Governor of California), interviewed in the Fresno Bee, October 10, 1965

"I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war [in Vietnam than the people have been told."
--Ronald Reagan, in the Los Angeles Times, October 16, 1967

"...the moral equal of our Founding Fathers."
--President Reagan, describing the Nicaraguan contras, March 1, 1985

"Fascism was really the basis for the New Deal."
--Ronald Reagan, quoted in Time, May 17, 1976

"I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself."
--President Reagan, in an interview with foreign journalists, April 19, 1985. ("In costume" is more like it. Reagan spent World War II making Army training films at Hal Roach Studios in Hollywood.)

"They've done away with those committees. That shows the success of what the Soviets were able to do in this country."
--Ronald Reagan, quoted in the Washington Times, September 30, 1987. (Reagan longs for the days of Sen. Joseph McCarthy and the HCUA witch hunts.)

"We think there is a parallel between federal involvement in education and the decline in profit over recent years."
--President Reagan, quoted in USA Today, April 26, 1983

"What we have found in this country, and maybe we're more aware of it now, is one problem that we've had, even in the best of times, and that is the people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice."
--President Reagan, defending himself against charges of callousness on Good Morning America, January 31, 1984

"I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at the point of a bayonet, if necessary."
--Ronald Reagan, Los Angeles Times, October 20, 1965

"I would have voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964."
--Ronald Reagan, Los Angeles Times, June 17, 1966

"If there has to be a bloodbath then let's get it over with."
--Ronald Reagan (Governor of California), quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle, May 15, 1969. (Reagan reveals how he intends to deal with student protesters at the University of California, Berkeley.)

"Today a newcomer to the state is automatically eligible for our many aid programs the moment he crosses the border."
--Ronald Reagan, in a speech announcing his candidacy for Governor, January 3, 1966. (In fact, immigrants to California had to wait five years before becoming eligible for benefits. Reagan acknowledged his error, but nine months later said exactly the same thing.)

"...a faceless mass, waiting for handouts."
--Ronald Reagan, 1965. (Description of Medicaid recipients.)

"Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders."
--California Governor Ronald Reagan, in the Sacramento Bee, April 28, 1966

"We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet."
--Ronald Reagan, TV speech, October 27, 1964

"But I also happen to be someone who believes in tithing--the giving of a tenth [to charity."
--Ronald Reagan, from The Weekly Compilation of Presidential Documents, February 8, 1982. (He may believe in tithing, but he doesn't practice it. Reagan's total charitable giving of $5,965 did not approach 10% of total income. It was more like 1.4%.)

"[Not until now has there ever been a time in which so many of the prophecies are coming together. There have been times in the past when people thought the end of the world was coming, and so forth, but never anything like this."
--President Reagan revealing a disturbing view about the "coming of Armageddon," December 6, 1983

"History shows that when the taxes of a nation approach about 20 percent of the people's income, there begins to be a lack of respect for government.... When it reaches 25 percent, there comes an increase in lawlessness."
--Ronald Reagan, in Time, April 14, 1980. (History shows no such thing. Income tax rates in Europe have traditionally been far higher than U.S. rates, while European crime rates have been much lower.)

"Because Vietnam was not a declared war, the veterans are not even eligible for the G. I. Bill of Rights with respect to education or anything."
--Ronald Reagan, in Newsweek, April 21, 1980. (Wrong again.)

"Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close."
--Ronald Reagan to aide Stuart Spencer, 1966

I always loved the one about him being in uniform! Man, that will always stay with me as classic Reagan. Sorry I'm actually in tears laughing now

Edited by - Tawakalna on 10/9/2004 9:07:24 AM

Damn, spilt my beer reading those Of course, we seem to be forgetting Mr Bush Jr.:

"I want everybody to hear loud and clear that I'm going to be the President of everybody"
"And there's no doubt in my mind. not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail."
"We both use Colgate toothpaste" - on his relationship with Blair (2001)
"She was neat" - on meeting Queen Elizabeth II (2001)
"First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I though made sense for the country." - On the Kyoto accord
"I understand the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region"
"Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican" - Declining to answer reporters' questions.
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test"
"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating"
"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."
"I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging." - At the dedication of his portrait, Austin, Texas.

oh man you nearly made me stop breathing!