And a good one too I think.

My aunt who is only like 10-15 years older than me got married and than divorced within 5 years recently. I never had any quarel with my uncle, In fact I found him to be quite pleasant company. But he dit abuse her a little and was (from her reports) not the friendlyest of people.

Still I wonder what I'd say to him If I were to see him somewhere (not likely, he's in California... we think)

I have never stayed friends with my friend's exes. There was only one I would have wanted to, the others I didn't care for at all.

I think this stuff works out in mainly three different ways:

It comes down to your main friend. If he is hostile or has a lot of negative comments about her, then I'd say don't stay friends with her. As he might despise you for it.

If he's horribly upset that she dumped him and pines for her all the time. Don't be friends with her. You'll make him jealous and hostile toward you.

If he and she are on good terms and it was a mutual breakup as near as one can be. Then friendship can be had, but try to avoid situations where you have to decide on a night out between the two of them. Make sure she stays invited to group gatherings. The more she is around the less weird it will be.


Sir Spectre


Like Master Yoda's speak, Olde English is, yes? Hehmmmmhaha!
-- From the play "Zlothello"

Edited by - Sir Spectre on 29-10-2003 01:07:14

you stick with your best friend, obviously, and if you see the other guy, you make polite small talk but you don't hang out with them anymore.

Unless, you two just hit it off completely, then you still hang with both but don't talk about the one with the other.

That is how it worked for me for a few months til the friend-in-law moved.

"On this ship you are to refer to me as Idiot, not you Captain. I mean... you know what I mean."

What Topher said.

Really it is up to the friend and the in-law as far as them seeing you is concerned unless you feel a need to be loyal. If you feel that need to be loyal then you've pretty much made up your mind already.

But sometimes, the friend you feel loyalty to doesn't deserve it. Is that what's going on here?

Depends on what kind of a person the ex is if they ere cool and became actually a real friend then of course I'm sitll gonna hang with um. It's kinda scary because now my best friends ex is my other best friend so im caught in the middle of that one but oh well...

"This doesnt taste like water..."

For me it depends. Usualy, I just use the friend-in-law till they are no longer with my friend. But sometimes I make accualy friends with them.

Life: No one gets out alive.

it's a very good thread topic.

I've never had a large circle of friends, but usually tend to end up in a relationship with someone who does. My wife is extremely popular, unlike me, and has a large circle of friends, some of whom are obv. closer than others. So I am almost always the friend-in-law, and have been the ex-friend-in-law on many occasions. I've invariably found that people's interest in u when u r no longer with their friend, is superficial to say the least. and anything of any consequence will be reported back.

after i got divorced, many years ago, nearly all my former wifes friends treated me like dirt. those who didnt were prying and/or interfering. nary a one actually gave any thought to my having a pretty raw deal.

my bust-ups have usually been acrimonious to say the least, so i'm not surprised that I've usually been on the recieving end of the brush-off. but i can't say that ever indulged in it myself! generally i've always tried to behave exactly the same way to someone whether theyre with one my existing friends or not. after all theyre the same person still and its not me whos got any beef with them. that just seems the fairest way to my mind, but obv. I'm sympathetic because of my own experiences. but i can't remember thinking any differently.

if i didnt like the person before then clearly i'm not going to behave any differently in that respect either. but i have so few friends that it rarely happens anyway. mostly the subjects are friends of my wifes or her relatives, so this is an experience by proxy now, and mostly i hardly know them and it's just not very important to me.

but hey, y'no, I haven't got any real answer except just do what u think best at the time.

edited by me - for rotten spelling and typing


visit my junkshop and make me an offer!
..you think you're done with the past, but the past isn't done with you..

Edited by - Tawakalna on 29-10-2003 23:57:32

Very sensible, Taw.


Sir Spectre


Like Master Yoda's speak, Olde English is, yes? Hehmmmmhaha!
-- From the play "Zlothello"

good choice of topic there ff....

I'm kinda the same as Taw in that my girlfriend's friends are now the bulk of my friends....but this is were we differ...

3 years ago we split up for a full year (due to the 400 mile distance between us), quite a lot of her friends turned on me BUT at least a third of them became closer to me than they were to her. Its odd, because now we're back together, some of the people that she deemed as just "her friends" are now more likely to contact me than her.

I think my take on all of this is that when you split with someone, you instantly work out who your friends are. Some will turn their backs almost immediately, others will linger around and snide, but some, definitely some, will actually stick around and be a true friend to you.

I've got an inate problem in that I always over-trust people, and I've been severely scarred in the past when some people that I deemed to be great friends have *****ed and snided behind my back....so my answer to your question is this...if its a friend who splits up with someone, decide where your priorities lie but at the same time bare in mind that if you decide to shun someone, it may actually completely **** them up. Emotions are a terrible thing to play with.

Depends on my relationships with that friend-in-law before the split-up. If the person is okay, I don't care about his/her personal relationships with my friend as it's none of my business. If I don't like the person for some reason, it does not matter if he/she still hangs out with my friend or not. Once, when I was young (), I tried to hook one chick, almost succeeded, but then sth went wrong, then a friend of mine got a crush on her, so I introduced them to each other. After a while they split up, but I still have no probs dealing with any of them. Perhaps it's because of my supernaturally good nature

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.