The Full & Complete text of "Baptism of Fire"

Sat Oct 11, 2003 9:37 pm by milkshape

Narrator-----Milkshape
Topic spammer-----Wolf Demon
Topic Host-----gowsterpaul
Replies-----Renengade
Replies-----Nickless
Replies-----Imagine
The Moderators-----Fear Factor
The Moderators-----Bargib
The Moderators-----ElectricBrain
The Moderators-----Wizard
The Moderators-----Tachyon
Special Appearences by,
We_Are_The_Borg
Reynen

Scene one
Part a

Milkshape: It was a peaceful night at a Lancers Reactor Forum
Gowsterpaul: I heard that a forum spammer has been raiding lots of websites!
Renengade:Oh No!
Nickless: I hope he dosent come here!
Milkshape:They were up all night until...
All:Gasp!
gowsterpaul:He's name is....
Nickless: Oh my...
Imagine:we must stop this infernal racket!
Milkshape:The next day Fear Factor saw...
Sign: A forum spammer named Evil has been raiding forums everywhere.Please look out!
Nickless: He's came... He's Came!!!
Renengade:I can't belive my eyes!
gowsterpaul: You don't have any.
Nickless: What do you think will happen?
Renengade: I don't know...

Scene one
part b

Milkshape: Lots of citizens young and old would of now been terrorized...
Wolf_Demon:Ahhahahahaha!!!
Wolf_Demon: I shall terrorize all! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!
Fear Factor: No!
Milkshape: Now at least 251 Topics had been closed down for Spamditude,and even Imagines Tutorial Database Topic!
Wolf_Demonoofayahhhhh!!!!
Renengade:This looks like a job for...
Wolf_Demon: DOOFFFYYAAHHHHHH!!!!
Fear Factor: No! Renengade!
Milkshape: The evil spammer had Eliminated Renengade's Profile!
Wizard: Alert! Alert!
Tachyon: I used to dream about nudity but now this...
Wizard: I think we all did.
Nickless:Even Me!
Imagine: What about those poor nOObs out there!
ElectricBrain: No!
We_Are_The_Borg: We are the borg,You will be assimilated,Resistance is futile!
ElectricBrain:Shut Up BorgBrain!
We_Are_The_Borg:You Shut up ElectricBrain!
Wizard:Break it up you two! This is serious!
Wolf_Demon: I WILL BLOW THIS FORUM INTO SMITHEREENS! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Wizard: Alert! Alert!
Renengade: Hi!
Tachyon: Thak goodness you're Allright!

Scene one
Part c

Renengade:Not exactly...
Wolf_Demon: hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah
gowsterpaul: There is only one way to defeat him!
Tachyon:How?
gowsterpaul: To spam right back at him!
Wizard: He has a fake email and ICQ adress and no Hompage! How do we stop him!
ElecricBrain:With a peice of mind.
Renengade: Ha Ha very very funny, not.
Wolf_Demon: You nOObs... I Supreme!
Fear Factor: Uh huh.
Wolf_Demon: Yessssss!
Wolf_Demon: I shall spam another topic, Losers!
All exept Wolf_Demon: WOOOHOO!!
We_Are_The_ borg: Wolfie will be Assimilated!
Fear Factor: Resistance is futile!
Bargib:We are the borg!
Renengade: I just had an idea, We report him to microsoft!
Bargib:We need a Email adress though!
Renengade: Damn!
Wolf_Demon: Resistance is futile! Hahahahahaha that's the funniest thing i hear since '72!
Bargib:BRING IT ON!
Tachyon:Lets see his Country..... Egypt!! Thats...
All: FAKE!
Wolf Demon: Your Stupididty ceases to amaze me!
Bargib: OH YEAH!!!
Wolf _Demon: Wait until you see my Final Show!!!
All: Oh my...

Edited by - Milkshape 409 on 12-10-2003 09:28:46

Sat Oct 11, 2003 9:38 pm by milkshape

Scene two
part one

Wolf_Demon:Time for operation dumbforumtopic!
Bargib: What the heck is that?
ElecticBrain:It will take some thought.
Renengade: dumbforumtopic?
Reynen: Starfyre Studios has been taken over by the same crisis!
Bargib: Why am i not surprized?
gowserpaul: This is just like the great fire of london! Exept 700 years forward in time, and on the internet, and in a forum, and the list goes on.
Milkshape: The ill tempered wolf_Demon left a trail of out of date Cardamine, Taking out Reynen,Renengade,gowserpaul,We_are_the_Borg,Tachyon and ElectricBrain
Bargib: well his brain was programmed by Corsairs...
Milkshape:*Drooooooooooooooooooool* Cardamine.....
Fear Factor: There goes the narrator...
Substitute Narrator: Meanwhile, At the Cardamine fest...
Tachyon: Save some for me!!
Reynen:Milkshape! Stop drooling over the cardamine!
gowsterpaul: Look! A plastercine Sun!
Renengade:Is that a vodka water tap?
gowsterpaul:No! Its your 100% Flexibility Loan!
Substitute Narrator: Err... Maybe not the Cardamine fest...
we_Are_The_Borg: I flam deeling zick... *cough* *SPUTTER*
Reynen: Ewwww!
Milkshape: I feel dizzy... NO! Got to narrate! got to go back to lancers Reactor!
ElectricBrain:Good thing i am metal... I can't puke with the effect of cardamine!

Scene two
part b

Wolf_Demon: Operation dumbforumtopic has begun!
Milkshape:What is This Operation dumbforumtopic? Even i dont know what it is and im the Narrator!
Wolf_Demon: Ha!
Milkshape: I will erase you from this play if you don't tell me!
Wolf_Demon: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Wolf_Demon: OK! Operation dft is a virus thats being downloaded into this website!
Milkshape: Thank You. Wait! Gasp!
Bargib: I know i should of got Virus protection for the extra £5!
ElecricBrain: What?!?!?!?!?
Bargib:Yeah. I should of told you.
ElectricBrain:YEAH! YOU SHOULD OF TOLD ME!
Imagine:New Macdonalds CheeseBurger for only 69p!
Wizard:Hey! Thats Advertizing!
Imagine: I thought i'd do it because theres a Virus going round.
Wizard: What!?!?!?!
Imagine: Its not that bad!
Wizard: Sob Sob... WAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Imagine: Jeez
gowserpaul: Hey! Imagine! Go to planet malta and the sell the wonderful CardamineBurgers fot only £1!
Imagine: Yum! Yum!

Scene two
part c

Milkshape:The team have been Eating CardamineBurgers all night and playing who can sick up the most in a minuite.But the worst happened when Bargib started singing Campfire songs!
Bargib: Ohhh! That marshmelow was great but antelope was...
Wizard: Ahhhhh!!! Stop!
Wizard: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Bargib: and the jimmy was
Wizard: AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Milkshape: Then it spread to everyone...
All: AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Wizard: ok, Ok ok
bargib: At last.
Wolf_Demon: 50% Complete! hahahahahahahaha
Tachyon: Yahhhhh!!!!
Bargib: Downloading... Downloading... Downloading...
Tachyon: C'mon
Bargib: To.. Many... Popups!
Wolf_Demon:hahhahahahahahahahaha
Bargib: Nearly Done...
Wolf_Demon: bwaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah
Bargib: Done!
Tachyon: Yay! Now i can have Cardamine Pancakes Again!
ElecricBrain: Now i can have my daily downloading from the Lancers reactor!
Wolf_Demon: Bwahahahahahaha
Bargib: What now laughing boy? Oh...

Sat Oct 11, 2003 9:40 pm by milkshape

Scene 3
part a

Bargib: This Dosent sound good...
Wolf_Demon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Bargib:ahhh!!!
Wolf_Demon:BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
ElectricBrainyisf/GfFtF5Gf%gg520:28 11/10/03T6t6T^T^rr^O*8FG
Tachyon: Hey! ElectricBrain! What, Whats happening to you?
ElectricBrain: A Virus! FTYDU&%UR^UR7uwkfu4rK^U$R^6*rffyy!!!!!!
Bargib: What is this Wolf_Demon?
Wolf_Demon: Operation X!
gowserpaul: Oh really?
gowserpaul: I use the great, VIRUSBLOCKER 2000!
Wolf_Demon: Read them and weep!
Sir Spectre: I think we should Execute thy called wolf_Demon
Milkshape: How did you get into the picture?
Sir Spectre: I'm a guest.
Milkshape: Be gone!
Sir Spectre: *pop!*

Scene 3
part b

gowserpaul: This is done
VIRUSBLOCKER 2000:Failure failure failure
gowserpaul: Damn!
Bargib:noooooooo!!!!
Tachyon: How do we stop this!!!
Renengade: time for a Renengade idea...
Fear Factor: What is this "Renengade Idea?"
Renengade: this is a new experement. Save then Delete all files in the lancers reactor.Bring the website up again. Delete all the forum topics and then delete all profiles of Wolf_Demon.
gowsterpaul: I'm not sure...
Bargib: Neither am i
Renengade: its a risk i'm willing to take...
Bargib We'll talk this over...
Milkshape: Meanwhile in the confession...
Bargib: This is crazy!! we may destroy this website Forever!
Renengade: Maybe we should make a test site for this...
Bargib: Fine with me!
Bargib: 3, 2, 1, Launch!
All: Gasp!
Renengade: See? I told you!
Bargib: Great!

Scene 3
part c

Wolf_Demon: Bwahahahahahaha!!!
Bargib: time for operation Y
Wolf_Demon: What?
Bargib: Yeah, Operation Y
Wolf_Demon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Tachyon: Charge Internet Explorer Charger cells!
Renengade: Check!
Tachyon: Ready Delete!
gowserpaul: Check!
Tachyon: Ready Save!
Imagine: Check!
Tachyon: Ready Load!
ElectricBrain: Check!
Wolf_Demon: WTFGFT?
Bargib: 3!
Wolf_Demon: noooooo!!!!
Bargib: 2
Wolf_Demon: aieeee!!!
Bargib: 1
Wolf_Demon: I shall rise again!!
Bargib: go!
Wolf Demon: My wolveny Domonness is goooooooonnnnneeeee!!!!!
All: Yay!

Close Curtains

All: Thank you! you are free to question!

Edited by - Milkshape 409 on 11-10-2003 22:54:59

Sat Oct 11, 2003 9:40 pm by Wolf_Demon

ooo
yay the first one to post on a play thread again!!

A note to freighter fighter: I STOPPED A MONTH AGO!!
there are two ways we can describe the Starlancer forums if TRL was a town.....
they are either the ghettos or the old folk homes

Sat Oct 11, 2003 9:47 pm by Wolf_Demon

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
that was funny like in a spaceballs kind of way
hahaha
"short but funny"

A note to freighter fighter: I STOPPED A MONTH AGO!!
there are two ways we can describe the Starlancer forums if TRL was a town.....
they are either the ghettos or the old folk homes

Sat Oct 11, 2003 9:57 pm by milkshape

My favourite was...

Milkshape:The team have been Eating CardamineBurgers all night and playing who can sick up the most in a minuite.But the worst happened when Bargib started singing Campfire songs!
Bargib: Ohhh! That marshmelow was great but antelope was...
Wizard: Ahhhhh!!! Stop!
Wizard: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Bargib: and the jimmy was
Wizard: AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Milkshape: Then it spread to everyone...
All: AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Milkshape 409.

Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:24 pm by Imagine

Thank you! you are free to question!

Thanks, I think I will.
I never figured out: do you smoke cardamine, eat cardamine, inject cardamine, or sit on cardamine?

A spoof on a spoof. Very interesting

Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:28 pm by Locutov

we_are_the_borg??? I wonder if that is a persiflage on my persona?
Anyways good read, fine story go on like this and you will make it there young one

Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:47 pm by Gowserpaul

Thanks milkshape for bringing my story to life. That was one hell of a good and funny play

"Make it so Number One"
Captain Picard 'Star Trek the Next Generation'

Sat Oct 11, 2003 11:26 pm by freighter fighter

*sigh* if only wolfy would really go

"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias

Sat Oct 11, 2003 11:36 pm by Nickless V2

I like this part:

Milkshape:*Drooooooooooooooooooool* Cardamine.....
Fear Factor: There goes the narrator...
Substitute Narrator: Meanwhile, At the Cardamine fest...

hehe, nice work Milkshape. I had a smile on my face all the way

Nickless: He's came... He's Came!!!

I can't believe you made me say that!

Edited by - Nickless on 12-10-2003 01:31:44

Sun Oct 12, 2003 1:58 am by Sir Spectre

The things I found funny:

Wolf_Demon: Resistance is futile! Hahahahahaha that's the funniest thing i hear since '72!

Because of how it is contrary to how old Wolf Demon is.

Wolf_Demon:Time for operation dumbforumtopic!

Because of the inanity of the operation name.

Reynen:Milkshape! Stop drooling over the cardamine!

Because it conjures up a funny picture in the mind.

But the worst happened when Bargib started singing Campfire songs!

This is a great character moment and my favorite thing in the play.

This is a good start for learning the art of writing.
.
.
.
.
.

Now, however, I have a few things I wish to point out. First are the steps in a progressing writer's life.

Step 1: Have a yearning to write and do it. (Congrats you passed step 1, most people don't.)
Step 2: Learn the Art of Writing (You're on your way.)
Step 3: Survive the critics (That's where I come in down below.)
Step 4: Hone your skills and know the rules of writing implicitly.
Step 5: Now with a mastery of personal temperment and writing skills, you can break writing rules and do it with intelligence.

Critique in order to aide your writing (not to stop you):

1: Don't use so many exclamation marks! If a character is too excited or yelling all the time, the impact is lost when it is proper to react strongly in a later situation. Also, realistically there never needs to be more than three exclamation or question marks at a time. Unless absolutely warranted!!!!!!!!!!! <---Which that was not.

2: At times the action was hard to follow. If you're not going to have paragraphs describing what the characters are doing then make sure the narrator or a character says exactly what is happening at key moments. I didn't use paragraphs in any of my plays, but every time someone was to hit someone or hid himself, I often had him say he would do such a thing or in a parenthetical (parentheses).

3: Exploit your characters more. What I mean is, my favorite quote I listed above by Bargib about singing campfire songs was a look into his personality. That was a fantastic way to get to know someone by having him do something on his own. The others are all so busy chasing Wolfy around, you don't get a real sense of their personalities. They are all concentrated on common foe, with this common goal between them there is no real distinction from one character to another.

4: Lead up to the action a bit more. In Scene 1 part A they were talking one moment then it was the next day and all hell broke loose. That was too quick and an improper use of "scenes." Scenes generally end and begin on entrances and exits of characters or the start or end of a new level of action. (Note: When you master the techniques, these rules can be broken in unique ways. But first you have to know them.)

5: In writing, if there is something you are not quite sure how to do, don't do it ... or point out how you may be doing it wrong for an extra level of humor. As an example:

Sir Spectre: I think we should Execute thy called wolf_Demon

You have nearly the same problem using the word "thy" that Wolfy has, it is incorrect. Instead you could point out the misuse of Olde English like so, "I think we should Execute thy called wolf_Demon. Is my old English making any sense?" that would have made it funny, because it didn't make any sense as it was.

A great example of me doing this very thing was when I made the insult in Zlothello about calling Rilmsio a knave. I know it's an insult from olden days, but I don't know what it means, so I had Rilmsio discuss his own confusion over it.

If, instead, you want to correctly write the above quote using one of the proper ways it would be "Methinks the rogue calling himself Wolf_Demon shant live, to this end we must execute him." Or something like that.

------------------------------------

Again, if you survive the critiquing, then you're on your way to becoming a good writer. I'm not trying to knock you down. Rather, I intend to help you firm up your skills. If writing is what you like, I would do you disservice to not tell you the truth.

I really do look forward to seeing more of your work. I frankly am getting tired of writing TLR stories. It's a wonderful thing to take enjoyment from someone else's story for a change!

Sir Spectre

Sun Oct 12, 2003 2:39 am by Sir Spectre

BTW, "Baptism" is spelled wrong in your thread title. There is no second "i".

And as just an ethical thing, you should only use people who were actually involved in an incident or if it is semi-fictional only use posters that agree to be included in the story.

The only person I didn't have initial permission to use in Zlothello (as it was entirely fictional), was Eraser, but he later said it was okay before I released the story. Uba I had an open permission from the first story, he wanted me to include him in more, he still doesn't know about Zlothello though.

Sir Spectre

Who was the penguin in trousers with whom she was to have sinned?
-- From the play "Zlothello"

Sun Oct 12, 2003 8:02 am by milkshape

Thank you for your compliments.I thought you would say it was rubbish actually!
P.S Nobody was harmed in the scene where bargib sings campfire songs.
P.SS Imagine, the best way to eat cardamine is stuff a gallon barrel down your throat.
P.SSS I thought Wolfie would'nt like it because he gets banished from the Lancers Reactor Forever!

Milkshape 409.

Edited by - Milkshape 409 on 12-10-2003 09:21:21

Sun Oct 12, 2003 8:18 am by Sir Spectre

You misspelled baptism again.

Baptism .... not baptisim ... nor baptsim.

Maybe I twisted your thoughts askew when I put the correct spelling in quotation marks.

Sir Spectre

Who was the penguin in trousers with whom she was to have sinned?
-- From the play "Zlothello"

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