my mother had this incredible ability to ruin anything. one of her most annoying habits was to slam a fold out table on the floor in the middle of the living room right at the climax of any decent film me, my brother and my dad were watching, then clatter a tea set and teapot onto it and start yattering about mindless rubbish. this happened almost every night.

i once put this to the test when i was about 17. there was a live radio broadcast of Wagner's Parsifal on Radio 3 from Bayreuth. I'd set up the hi-fi (ok it wasnt a hifi then it was a radiogram with a 5-pin din socket) to tape it but I sat in the room to listen to it as well. I knew full well that she'd come in and try to ruin it for me (hence the tape) and lo and behold the very moment the intro commentary stopped and the first bars of the overture began, in she came, tea set and all, started jabbering. but the old bat went one better this time. she spilt the tap water onto the kettle lead, blew the fuses and cut the power. to this day I'm convinced she did it on purpose.

mothers love control, whether they are overt about it or subtle. never dismiss their power to destroy anything you hope for, because in their minds they know best and you never ever grow up in their eyes. this continues when you want to get married, if you're mother doesn't like your wife-to-be then you can kiss a happy married life goodbye, because the wife won't like her either and you're just the poor sap in the middle.