Computer Industry Acronyms


ISDN It Still Does Nothing
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI System Can't See It
DOS Defective Operating System
BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM I Blame Microsoft
DEC Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
ACORN Astounding Computers Often Ridiculed Nonetheless
PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

i know its not dr.seuss, but i cant find anymore for the moment

"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias

How the Grinch stole our vision of perfect objects
Author: Peter Coffee
Every Coder in Codeville liked objects a lot.
"Tested," "reusable," that's what was hot.
But the Grinch of reality sulked in his cave
Saying, "Hear them all talk of the time that they'll save!"

The Grinch hated Coders, and liked them to sweat.
He thought, "I can make them unhappy, I'll bet!"
He read through 12 texts, then looked up with a grin:
"Why, this is as good as original sin!"


He read with a chortle, "An object or class
Is like a black box hiding all that it has.
Its details invisible: All that you know
Is what should go in and what answers will show."


He slunk to the West Coast and into a lab
Where chip engineers were at work in their fab.
He heard their boss saying, "Forget testing tricks:
This one is the same as a 486!"


His chance had now come. From their math microcode
He struck out one line as it went to download.
And the Grinch watched with barely containable glee
As the chips with their bugs shipped across land and sea.


And each of those chips went to some happy buyer
Where some just played games, but most were for hire
Sending up spacecraft or buying up stocks
Or predicting the timing of quake aftershocks.


Then the bug story broke! And the Grinch was alarmed.
This news came too early! Too few had been harmed!
But the Grinch soon calmed down, as the months marched on by
And the chip-making people continued to lie.


"We fixed it!" they said, and now that was quite funny:
You couldn't get fixed chips for love or for money.
"It's really no problem," they added in chorus.
"The errors are rare. Stop whining, you bore us."


So everywhere, Coders were having to ask
"Just how does this chip do its float-divide task?"
Internals that they had been told to ignore
Now had to be studied in blood and in gore.


The leading bit patterns whose answers were wrong
And whether the errors were carried along,
All had to be thoroughly well understood
So the Coders could know if their answers were good.


And the Grinch went off happy. He knew that they'd learned
That quality output still has to be earned.
Beyond "Merry Christmas," they'd learned something greater:
"If you don't test it now, you'll just debug it later."


-- With apologies to the late Theodore Geisel




"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias

E-Mail Spam
Author: Unknown (so if you wrote it, let me know)
I am spam.

Spam-I-am.


That Spam-I-am.
That Spam-I-am.
I do not like
That Spam-I-am.

Do you like
E-mail spam?

I do not like it,
Spam-I-am.
I do not like
your E-mail Spam.

Would you like it here
or there?

I would not like it.
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it
Spam-I-am.

Would you like it
if it's lewd?
Would you like it
in the nude?

I would not like it
if it's lewd.
I would not like it
in the nude.
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it
Spam-I-am.

Would you want it
at your ISP?
Would you want it
'cause it's free?

Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if it's lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it.
Spam-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
From afar?
Take them! Take them!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
from afar.

You will like them.
You wil see.
You will like them.
You'll buy from me!

I would not, could not buy from thee.
Not from afar! You let me be.
Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

A bunch! A bunch!
A bunch! A bunch!
Could you, would you,
love a bunch?

Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Spam! Let me Be!
Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

Say!
On a lark?
Here on a lark!
Would you read it on a lark?

I would not read it
on a lark?

Would you, could you
think again?

I would not, could not, think again.
Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Not at my ISP.
I do not like it, Spam, you see.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

Would you, could you,
A pyramid scheme?

I would not, could not,
a pyramid scheme!

Would you, could you,
something really obscene?

I could not, would not, something really obscene.
Will not, will not, a pyramid scheme.
I will not read it on a lark.
I will not, will not think again.
Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

You do not like it,
so you say.
Read it! Read it!
And you may.
Read it and you may, I say.

Spam!
If you will let me be,
I will try it,
You will see.

Say!
I do detest your e-mail spam!
I do! I hate it! Spam-I-am!
I really hate you, and your floozie!
I will hunt you with an Uzi!
I do not want that something really obscene!
I do not want your pyramid scheme!
They should take you to the deck!
And once there... should stretch your neck!
You are so evil, so evil, you see!
Get thee Satan away from me!
If I could find you and your ISP,
I would piddle in your shoes and on your knee!
I find you crude!
I find you rude!
I do not like you here or there.
I would not like you anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
Death to you
Death to you
Spam-I-am.




"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias

i read the first verse of that and went to look for a shotgun wholesalers to stop you posting anything that dire again.

-arcon
------

If Dr. Seuss had written for ER
Author: Brent Fogel
Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great,
But...there are problems that can't wait!
Now Benton's fine, and Carter too,
But Ross and Susan just won't do!
Now who do you think that we should hire,
Since both of them today I'll fire?


Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see...


Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree...


Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt...
But the paramedics just pulled up.


Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got?


Shep: This little boy has just been shot!
His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.
We did all we could to stop the leak.


Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip...


Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip?


Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair,
So I shoved her--lightly--down some stairs.


Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three!
Doug and Susan! Come with me!


Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see?
We've got some more; one, two, and three.


Kerry: You've got three more? How can this be?
Explain it, tell it all to me!


Riley: Well, Shep was driving. Really fast.
A light turned red. Shep hit the gas.
We hit a car, it hit two more.
Soon the total rose by four.
Another bang! Another crash!
But we couldn't stay, we had to dash!
We grabbed these three but I am sure,
The injured totaled sixty score!


Carter: These people really are a mess!
Their injuries I cannot guess!
It makes me sick, my knees are weak,
A toilet I must soon go seek...


Benton: It's ok Carter! Stay on your toes!
It doesn't get worse than this you know!
To Trauma four let's take these three.
You can do it, come with me!


Green: Ok, let's get this boy on the table.
To save his life if we are able!


Haleh: Dr. Green! This boy is cyanotic!
I can't find a pulse...oh, wait I've got it!
But it is weak! Oh, woe is us!


Doug: Give him saline! IV push!
CBC, chem 7, stat!
We will save him, bet on that!
Oh no, he's showing poor perfusion!
Lydia, start a blood tranfusion!


Lydia: But Dr. Ross, I hate to say.
The blood bank didn't come today!
We're out of blood, I can't believe!


Doug: Here, use mine! (rolls up his sleeve)


Kerry: We need some help! There's been a crash!
Someone's heart stopped with a flash!
But Dr. Benton saved the day,
And Carter's going to be ok.


Susan: What can I do, where can I go?
I'm not incompetent you know!
I deserve a chance and with good reason,
I only killed one guy last season!


Chloe: Hey, Suze? Look! It's me...
I doing great...oh, can't you see?
I'm back on drugs and feeling woozy,
Can you take care of little Susie?


Susan: Not now Chloe! I'm in a panic!


Kerry: Get Susan out, she can't handle it!


Mark: It's fine! It's done, the kid's ok.
We're sending him up on his way.
To surgery he's off to go,
They must sew up that bullet hole.
But Dr. Ross, he's out of sorts...
We had to take a dozen quarts.


Benton: Ok, we're done. I did it all.
I used a double breasted suture saw.
I closed them up, I fixed their ills.
I patched their wounds, I gave them pills.
I have their livers in this sack.
I did it all, behind my back.
I need more patients, give me more!
I just cured three, now give me four!


Carter: What happened? Did I miss it all?
I saw some blood. I took a fall.
But it doesn't matter, we saved the day!


Carol: Get ready! There's more on the way!



Copyright © 1996 by Brent Fogel


"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias

arcon, there is a slight hitch with your reply, we cant buy shotguns anymore in the UK.

"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias

i can get a shotgun if i needed to, dont you worry. and if i'm going on a killing spree, you think i care about getting it thru illegal means?

-arcon
------

lmao arcon...can i use

and if i'm going on a killing spree, you think i care about getting it thru illegal means?

as i my new sig *puppe eyes*

"i know what you're gonna use that lotion for"

No shotguns in England anymore...??

Seems like a step in the right direction, but it's still surprising...

Der Käse! Der Käse! Er singt traurig um Mitternacht!
(www.dictionary.com for a translator program)

You can't own guns in England, right? Because of that there's been a rise in stabbings. That's the reason the bobbies have had to switch to dual threat body armor to protect against guns and knives.

jedierrant

Saving damsels in distress,
Defending the defenseless,
Fighting for the underdog,
Don Quixote in an X-wing.

...and then, when they outlaw knives, there'll be a sudden increase in the incidents involving clubbings.....

Der Käse! Der Käse! Er singt traurig um Mitternacht!
(www.dictionary.com for a translator program)

clubbing? bombard the victim with deep bass and eclectic highs and maybe exhaust him with a 6 hour set.

-arcon
------

I once new knew a girl for Dundeling,
Who had some trouble peeing... actually, I don't think I should do this one...

Weird thread...

Utopia
--------
"I'm not a lifesaver... I'm a screensaver..."

no, its because some foo in dunblane went into a primary school and went crazeh

"What? Another girl! Tell me my boy. *whispers* what have you been doing?" - Tobias