Things to do during FINALS if you know you'll fail anyway!
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a **** the instructor is.
6. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
7. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
8. Bring pets.
9. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
10. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
11. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
12. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
13. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
14. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. (for me, this would be Bulgarian)
15. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
16. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
17. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
18. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a Clapper.
19. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
20. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to ~Jeopardy~. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop.
21. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own lifestory.
22. Bring cheat sheets TO ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious...like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
23. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
24. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
25. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
26. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
27. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
28. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so."
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