Fri May 09, 2003 3:05 pm
Funny Bastard Strikes Again....
Alright then ! Let´s see if you guys have some humor in you 
Unappreciated mother's day gifts
15. Tickets to Jerry Springer, for topic "Moms With Big Asses"
14. "It's a vacuum cleaner! It's a riding mower! And when the chores are done, it's a marital aid!"
13. Blind date with Jack Kevorkian
12. "Laxatives-Of-The-World" gift set
11. Coupon for a "Moms Kick Ass!" tattoo
10. Stepdad's head in a box, regardless of how beautifully it's wrapped
9. The dead bird you brought home in your mouth and tenderly laid at her feet
8. Too bad she learned of the operation on national TV, but now she's got the daughter she always wanted!
7. That handprint in plaster kind of loses it's magic when you're thirty.
6. From the makers of Spam: Spigeon
5. Al Franken's new book, "Oedipus Rex Is A Big Fat Idiot"
4. The "Learn To Cook Before You Kill Us All!" Cookbook
3. Pee-Wee Herman lotion dispenser
2. Leather bound copy of "The Wisdom of Lizzie Borden"
1. Hallmark Snoop Doggy Dogg card: "Mother -- Half of my favorite word in the English language!"
You might be a Net-Head if...
When someone refers to a CD you don’t think of a way to store money or music.
When someone asks for your address you give them a line of text that includes HTTP:// or @.
Your kids have to e-mail you just to get your attention.
You can type faster than you can talk.
Your best friends have names like [cedFire, Sk8er, CyberBob or TheEnforcer.
Your computer is worth more than your car.
You can understand modem squeal.
You can whistle at 33.6.
You have seen HACKERS more than .02k times.
If you figured out the math in the last line but you have to have a computer to balance your checkbook.
You think that Bite is spelled BYTE.
You use the acronyms LOL, BRB, AFK, ROFL, RTMF, BTW, LMAO or BTDT even when you are talking to people
Don´t name your dog ´Sex´!!
When people buy a dog, they usually name him something like Rover or Bowser. Well I chose to name my dog "Sex". But lately Sex has been a little embarassing to me.
I remember one day I took Sex to City Hall to get a license for him. I went up to the clerk and said "I would like to have a license for Sex". He said he would like to have one too. I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old". He said I must have been quite a kid.
Last year they were auditioning dogs for a commercial on dog food. I took Sex to the studio to see if he would get the part. But suddenly Sex started to run off around the studio. I went after him, but the crew manager grabbed my arm and asked what I was doing here. I told him I was hoping to have Sex on TV. He called me a showoff.
One day Sex ran out on me in the middle of the night. I went around the neighbourhood looking for him. A cop came and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up this Friday...
Condom ad slogans
25. Cover your stump before you hump.
24. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
23. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
22. When in doubt, shroud your spout.
21. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
20. You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.
19. If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
18. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
17. If you slip between her thighs, condomize.
16. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
15. She won't get sick, if you wrap your dick.
14. If you go into heat, package your meat.
13. While your undressing venus, dress up your penis.
12. When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse.
11. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
10. Never ever deck her, with an unwraped pecker.
9. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
8. The right selection, is to protect your erection.
7. Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.
6. A crank with armor, will never harm her.
5. If you really love her, wear a cover.
4. Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
3. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
2. If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
1. No glove, No love.
There´s plenty more where that came from ! If you guys want more, just give me a holler
" Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."
Edited by - Eraser on 09-05-2003 16:07:53
Unappreciated mother's day gifts
15. Tickets to Jerry Springer, for topic "Moms With Big Asses"
14. "It's a vacuum cleaner! It's a riding mower! And when the chores are done, it's a marital aid!"
13. Blind date with Jack Kevorkian
12. "Laxatives-Of-The-World" gift set
11. Coupon for a "Moms Kick Ass!" tattoo
10. Stepdad's head in a box, regardless of how beautifully it's wrapped
9. The dead bird you brought home in your mouth and tenderly laid at her feet
8. Too bad she learned of the operation on national TV, but now she's got the daughter she always wanted!
7. That handprint in plaster kind of loses it's magic when you're thirty.
6. From the makers of Spam: Spigeon
5. Al Franken's new book, "Oedipus Rex Is A Big Fat Idiot"
4. The "Learn To Cook Before You Kill Us All!" Cookbook
3. Pee-Wee Herman lotion dispenser
2. Leather bound copy of "The Wisdom of Lizzie Borden"
1. Hallmark Snoop Doggy Dogg card: "Mother -- Half of my favorite word in the English language!"
You might be a Net-Head if...
When someone refers to a CD you don’t think of a way to store money or music.
When someone asks for your address you give them a line of text that includes HTTP:// or @.
Your kids have to e-mail you just to get your attention.
You can type faster than you can talk.
Your best friends have names like [cedFire, Sk8er, CyberBob or TheEnforcer.
Your computer is worth more than your car.
You can understand modem squeal.
You can whistle at 33.6.
You have seen HACKERS more than .02k times.
If you figured out the math in the last line but you have to have a computer to balance your checkbook.
You think that Bite is spelled BYTE.
You use the acronyms LOL, BRB, AFK, ROFL, RTMF, BTW, LMAO or BTDT even when you are talking to people
Don´t name your dog ´Sex´!!
When people buy a dog, they usually name him something like Rover or Bowser. Well I chose to name my dog "Sex". But lately Sex has been a little embarassing to me.
I remember one day I took Sex to City Hall to get a license for him. I went up to the clerk and said "I would like to have a license for Sex". He said he would like to have one too. I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old". He said I must have been quite a kid.
Last year they were auditioning dogs for a commercial on dog food. I took Sex to the studio to see if he would get the part. But suddenly Sex started to run off around the studio. I went after him, but the crew manager grabbed my arm and asked what I was doing here. I told him I was hoping to have Sex on TV. He called me a showoff.
One day Sex ran out on me in the middle of the night. I went around the neighbourhood looking for him. A cop came and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up this Friday...
Condom ad slogans
25. Cover your stump before you hump.
24. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
23. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
22. When in doubt, shroud your spout.
21. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
20. You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.
19. If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
18. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
17. If you slip between her thighs, condomize.
16. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
15. She won't get sick, if you wrap your dick.
14. If you go into heat, package your meat.
13. While your undressing venus, dress up your penis.
12. When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse.
11. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
10. Never ever deck her, with an unwraped pecker.
9. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
8. The right selection, is to protect your erection.
7. Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.
6. A crank with armor, will never harm her.
5. If you really love her, wear a cover.
4. Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
3. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
2. If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
1. No glove, No love.
There´s plenty more where that came from ! If you guys want more, just give me a holler
" Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."
Edited by - Eraser on 09-05-2003 16:07:53
)................Mexican jokes !!
