Tue Sep 02, 2003 10:00 pm by Justinian
This is long in the coming, short in the manner it needs to come, and not quite adequate. I will be skipping around a bit, so you need to bear with it.
I am a n00b, when it comes to clans. I have NO idea how to successfully differentiate between personal agenda and legitimate clan business. As soon as I thought I got a handle on it, I realized I could not set aside my personal prejudice against an arsehole like cleaver to see the better good for the guild. I reisgned my position in Allied Exports as the Guild Executive Officer to go pursue something personal, as I thought that best for the Guild. The Guild crumbled in that moment, and now nothing remains. The efforts to reconstitute it far outweigh the potential benefit.
Continuing that thought, I went to Elite. I went there with, originally, one goal in mind. I went to see NO in action, and to learn from the best. I had rarely seen the people I considered to be "dueling" mentors in a while, knowing the real life happened. I have heard, and seen, that even the trainee (FF) NEO members are far better at dueling than I am and that I have a loooooooooong way to go. Not that it matters, but the minute I lasted against Vortex was probably more him toying with me than actual skill on my part. When I heard that OWL moved to Browclopsia, I did post requesting intel on them, and I did ask for assistance - I didn't know what else to do, and I was trying to think of the better good for the community.
Relating to the above topics, I got WAY out of line with flamefesting FooGoo/Extractor, and he is right - I don't totally understand what is going on in Role Playing. Then the same pattern repeated itself with Cleaver. I found LBManiac to be the voice of reason, and his boss Cleaver to be a mental case looking for some Prozac - which was quite possibly the opinion that many Brow players held of me. After all was said and done, I decided to join OWL as Punisher and assist LBManiac in his fight against Cleaver, only to learn that the people involved were banned.
All said, I need to freelance it. I need to play alone, unaffiliated with anyone except for the community I respect. I won't be in any Clans or Guilds or anything like that. I am gonna do what I did best, make credits, run guns and cardamine, practice some dueling in 2 or 3 different ships, and get back to the core of the game, if that is even possible.
Now, the hard part. I wronged SO many people in SO many ways. I did things, that in retrospect, I am not very proud of, and may be responsible for a core member leaving the community on a permanent basis. A lot of the trouble lately has been a result of my poor decisions, heated temper, and insistence on having to be right. To all true (and recently adopted) Browclopsians, simian or human, I sincerely apologize. I don't know that I can make it right, I know that I have a long row to hoe to make it even begin to turn-around, but I am gonna try.
I really do hope that I can repair some of the damage I have caused to the relationships here, and that I can attempt to make things right.
Justinian