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Some one read my story lol

Read, add and comment on excellent written stories by fans, set within the Freelancer universe

Post Fri Apr 08, 2005 3:56 pm

Some one read my story lol

It started with 30 patrols, each consisting of Defender - Heavy Fighters armed with justice MK III and some of the bravest pilots ever. They were designated to round up all the Rouges, and take them to Prison Station Mitchell, where they would spend the rest of their lives, brutal punishment, and tourture...

Most of the partols were happy with their objectives, except for one, Patrol 27.

Patrol 27, where desgnated to the badlands, where sensors screwed up, and the bandits home base... Buffalo Base.

Patrol 27, carried out their orders, they rounded up, and captured many rouges, and awaited for the new Jump Gate to the newly found system, Alaska, to be constructed, in the mean time, they were all dropped off into the Battleship Missouri's Brig.

Patrol 27, where to be the first humanoids to enter alaska, ever, no one else has ever been there, as soon as the new Jump Gate was to be constructed, they would fly there accompanied with some of the strongest ships in the universe, to construct a Jump Gate to get back to New York system, of course, something terrible was about to happen...

The Jump Gate, at last, had been constructed, patrol 27 were on their way to it along with Deep Space Engineering cruisers and Life Pod's of the criminals they captured in the bad lands, they were about to enter the Jump Gate, when one of the pilots said over his radio, something that made the other's worry.

They went through the Jump Gate after a few hours of reassuerance to the pilots, that everything will be fine. The big doors opened slow and stiff, and the Jump Hole began to form, the first wave of Heavy Fighters and Cruiser's shot through, and the second wave followed.

The Jump Gate operator struggled, he began to panic, hundreds and thousands of alien organisms began to come out of the Jump Gate, they were blobs of green, blue and white, the operator started to sweat, as he tried to close the Jump Gate, but the controls didnt respond. He screamed down the radio, that he needed help, fast, very fast, these alien organsisms were potentialy dangerous. After 20 minutes of waiting and struggling, help finally arrived, 50 bounty hunters in their pirannah space craft began to scoop up the alien organisms while deep space engineering slowly shut down the Jump Gate, rendering it useless. As the bounty hunters approached the final pool of alien organsisms, the operator remembered about the two waves of engineering curisers and patrol 27, that entered the Jump Gate not long ago, he franticaly asked the engineers how long till they could get them back, the engineer didnt reply, he only looked glum, and sad...

Meanwile, over at Alaska, Patrol 27 and the engineering cruisers has already set up Prison Station Mitchell, and transered the prisoners inside, where they would receive grevious harm from robots, designed to cause as much pain to the victim as possible without killing them. Just then, Patrol 27 received a mesage via subspace that they couldnt get home, and they would need to make their way back to New York via cruise engines, or, if they were lucky enough, a Jump Hole.

The engineers agreed to set up a ship yard, to begin constructing equipment to build the Jump Gate, at alaska's side and clear some of the space debris, that is constructed of an unknown material while Patrol 27 looked for a Jump Hole of some sort that could get them back home, Patrol 27 was never heared from again...

Upon completion of the new ship yard, Deep Space engineering started work on the Jump Gate stright away, they had already set up space beacons indicating a cleared path for Police Cruisers to take to drop off prisoners to Prison Station Mitchell.

Upon completion of the Alaska Jump Gate -> New York, which took 18 months, deep space engineering rememberd patrol 27, they had been gone for a long time, DSE wondered if they would ever see them again...

Years later, Prison Station Mitchell had been used quite a lot, hundreds of prisoners had been taken there and had been left to die and rot, althought the police were about to get a big shock...

The Lane Hackers, Rouges and Corshairs had found out about this, this tourture prison, and decided, it was going down.

They all formed one alliance, each sending everything they had, daggers, titans, you name it. It was one huge battle.

There were thousands of casualties, but the Lane Hackers, Rouges and Corshairs won, they took the Jump Gate to Alaska, and followed the beacons to the prison ship, they they attacked, for days, more and more Lane Hackers, Rouges and Corshairs came by the day, each failing to cause a little bit of damage to this prison.

Weeks later, one ship managed to blow open the docking port to the prison, and hundreds of hugely dangerous prisoners escaped, but by the time they had escaped from the prison, there was no way back for them, because the Liberty Navy had deployed a huge milefield around Alaska's Jump Gate, to prevent any one getting to alaska, and encounering this prison.

No one knowns what happened to Patrol 27, no one knows what happened to the Lane Hackers, Rouges and Corshairs, trapped inside alaska, no one knows what is happening to the prisoners still inside Prison Station Mitchell, you will have to find out for yourselfes, maybe you can still find the remains of the Lane Hackers, Rouges and Corshairs, and the remains of the battered Jump Gate, and the old Shipyard. No one knows what is happening there, because the navy have made it

CLASSIFIED

Reguards.
Server557

Edited by - server557 on 4/9/2005 7:30:19 AM

Post Sat Apr 09, 2005 9:23 am

Not Bad for the first Fanfic!
The only thing that you should try to do better is the spelling (because its a little hard to read).
But everything else is ok
Keep it up.

Post Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:12 am

I was in a rush to finish it, so didnt pay much attention to spelling etc ty fr your comment though

Reguards.
Server557

Post Sat Apr 09, 2005 1:08 pm

I really think you should go back and take the time to fix it up properly.

Post Sat Apr 09, 2005 1:14 pm

I agree with konn but ehre is my two cents

The idea is good but it could be fleshed out a fair bit more. And also some things could of connected better.

Post Sat Apr 09, 2005 1:59 pm

It reads like a good synopsis...

I realize it is most likely a prologue, rather than a summary of a story itself. That one post however, could be quite a long and detailed story in and of itself.

Post Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:51 pm

Server557,

I like what you've written, and agree with everyone that this could turn into an excellent larger fanfic. However, while I was reading, I also came up with the idea to create short fanfics out of several more of the wrecks, not just Patrol 27. I would be very interested in writing these, but if this is what you are going to do with this post, I don't want to take your work. If, however, this is not your intention, I would really like to know so that I could write some wreck fanfics without feeling guilty for taking someone else's ideas.

Thanks, and good job on your fanfic so far!

Post Sat May 07, 2005 12:39 pm

As some people comented on spelling copy the whole thing into somthing like, microsoft word.

_____________________________
Monky see, Monky Shoot

Post Sat May 07, 2005 7:50 pm

Hey im going to try this out of 1 of the servers i go to and see if i can find poor patrol 27 and thosae corshairs they may need a comb to maybe even the lane hackers also(wait their dead now caradime has to be long gone) and those poor rogues and yes i shall mine plenty of ice hopefully they wont give me a 2 week snetence for it and make me give them half my money for it.....


No Guts
---------------
No Glory

Post Sat May 07, 2005 8:17 pm

Patrol 27 IS a real set of wrecks in the Badlands. Maybe it is where Server557 got the idea.

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