Lightning Fanfic

Fri Dec 24, 2004 7:53 pm by Norcar880

I've never actually made a fanfic before, so if it is completly stupid please tell me and i'll try new ideas.

"we're here live at the Lightning Nebula as Santiago, Corsair expert pilot, is going to fly into the heart of the nebula and destroy the mysterious unknown faction that is stopping traders and other people going through the nebula."

Santiago knew that this was a suicide mission, but he had to try anyways. This is the only way he could get the promotion that could make him General. As he flew into the nebula he wondered: Should I do this? How much do I need this promotion?

The answer was simple: he needed it badly.

As Santiago lost sight of the base, he activated the secret Corsair anti-radiation sheilds that had newly been descovered. Since he knew no one was watching, it was safe to use these new sheilds. Soon he spotted unknown ships. Santiago used the stolen cloaking device to hide from them as they passed, and he immedietly recognised them. They were blue, and their ships were organic.

The aliens named Nomads.

He fired his Salamanca Mk2's at the aliens as he uncloaked, and the aliens died immediatly as a battleship uncloaked and began launching nomad fighters.

I don't KILL the House Factions. The House Factions just happan to fly into planets when they see me. Of course, nobody listens to me.

Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:17 pm by Norcar880

Santiago only just got out in time. He gasped to the dozens of reporters that the Nomads still had troops, and were massing in the nebula. Commander Yreal came, and gave him a promotion from Captain to Colonel. Santiago gasped his thanks and went to the bar to relax.

No such luck. People were swarming him with questions, and attempting to give him money for more information. Santiago pushed them away and just sat with his Sidewinder Fang. People were still swarming him with questions, but there were less people now. They don't know what it's like. They haven't been face to face with a Nomad fleet. They haden't even seen a Nomad before. Just people who wanted a person to look up to...

Santiago looked around as the base suddenly shook. He saw a glimpse of a Nomad fighter. Santiago ran to his ship, and attempted to launch. Sucsesful, he began shooting the Nomads to get them away from the Freeport. Almost dieing, he cloaked and ran to the jumphole due to the jumpgate being destroyed by Nomads. As he arrived and uncloaked, two (how could they!?!) Nomad battleships also uncloaked and blocked the entrance.

Edited by - Norcar880 on 12/25/2004 3:33:55 PM

Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:57 pm by Norcar880

Santiago began flying between the battleships and the launching fighters. The Nomads weren't going to let anyone survive, lest they go to the proper athouritys. Santiago didn't know why they were trying to stop him, but then it hit him like a hammer. The Nomads didn't know that Santiago had made a news transmission to every base and habited planet in the Sirius Sector. The Nomads didn't know that everyone knew. Just then the jumphole opened, and the Osiris came out.

Santiago was rolling in riches. He had been promoted through the last few months after the Lightning Nebula incident. When the Osiris came, it launched Anubis's and destroyed the Nomads, giving passage to Santiago. Nobody had seen any Nomads, and nobody had mysteriously dissapeared. Santiago had just been given a very dangerous assignment: Check out whether any Nomads had survived. He had launched with a squad of Titans, and went into the Lightning Nebula.

Edited by - Norcar880 on 12/25/2004 3:36:33 PM

Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:09 pm by gparent

It just looks like you are concentrating on fights and 'metagaming'. That's what makes it low quality...

Just use more character developement, blabla, instead of weapons and battles. I'm sure it will make it better. For now, I could watch Terminator and have a better time, even with all the fighting.

Don't take my post badly - It is only meant to improve your fanfic.

Sat Dec 25, 2004 4:26 pm by Norcar880

Thank you for your cooperation. Your suggestion has made it's way to the suggestion box. We will coonsider your suggestion and perhaps put it in this fanfic.

That means I will put in character development.

Sat Dec 25, 2004 4:40 pm by Wilde

no, I actually like it. It's well written and captivating.

Perhaps try for a little more detail, it draws the reader into the story...

rules concerning fanfic etiquette:
1. Write the topic previously in a word or appleworks document so its all in one piece. That way you can edit it later.

2. Begin the topic with something along the lines of "Here's a story I wrote, tell me what you think of it." End post.

3. Stick in your entire chapter into the next post--unless of course it doesn't fit, in which case use two or three posts.

4. Repeat.

This doesn't have to be followed, just a helpful suggestion

. Seriously, I did like the fanfic.

Sat Dec 25, 2004 4:43 pm by Omega--Chief

You liked mine to *Sunddenly remembers* oh hell time to get typing *Types for next 12 hours*

Oh yea good fan fic and do focus more on the whole world my fan fic is very long evn though its only 2 chapterss becasue each one is filled with descripition. Just a little advice keep up the good wrok

Sat Dec 25, 2004 4:46 pm by gparent

Ehe. Sorry if it was Harsh.

Sat Dec 25, 2004 4:49 pm by Norcar880

I will take your idea into consideration. I appreciate your ideas, and will probably use them. Although it will probably be not a appleworks document, due to my having a windows.

I don't KILL the House Factions. The House Factions just happan to fly into planets when they see me. Of course, nobody listens to me.

Sat Dec 25, 2004 4:52 pm by Norcar880

It's ok, everythings ok except new inspiration for the fanfic.

I don't KILL the House Factions. The House Factions just happan to fly into planets when they see me. Of course, nobody listens to me.

Sat Dec 25, 2004 5:18 pm by Norcar880

Does anyone have an idea to inspire me? I need it badly.

Plaese?

Sun Dec 26, 2004 4:39 am by Omega--Chief

Go to Tau 37 and just look around

Mon Dec 27, 2004 10:04 am by Norcar880

What do you mean? In-game Tau 37, or is there a fanfic?

Mon Dec 27, 2004 11:01 am by Omega--Chief

yea in game trust me try it and you'll be amazed

Mon Dec 27, 2004 2:42 pm by Norcar880

Unfortuntly today is my day w/out computer games.

Edited by - Norcar880 on 12/27/2004 2:42:24 PM

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