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My story, base on the first movie of BABILON 5

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Post Tue Jun 22, 2004 7:29 am

My story, base on the first movie of BABILON 5

I wrote another story. Hope you like it. This is the first chapter.


Chatper 1-

---------------LOACATION------------THE BERING SYSTEM-------



``This is captain Roker, on board the Liberty battleship Velor to main central command, do you hear?``
``Laud and clear Velor. What is it?``
``We are picking up a distress call from a ship near planet New-Berlin.
Should we go there?``
``Check it out. But be careful``
``Roger that``

``This is captain Roker to the engine room, set an intercept course to planet New-Berlin``


------LOACATION---THE NEW BERLIN SYSTEM--PLANET NEW-BERLIN---------


``Sir we are here, getting an image of the planet...``
``WHAT THA HELL.. SIR THERE ARE OVER 10000 SHIPS AROUND NEW-BERLIN!!!``
``HELM!! GET US OUT OF HERE!!! SET A COURSE TO MANHATTAN!!! CONTACT ME WITH PRESIDENT JACOBI!!!``
















-----------------LOACATION------------THE HUDSON SYSTEM

``Sir, we got a line with president Jacobi``
``Good. Connect me``


``This is president Jacobi to the captain of the Velor, what is so urgent that I need to wake up and 3 am for?``
``Madam president, 5 days ago we were petroling in the Bering system when a distress call from New berlin was intercepted. When we got there we saw more then 10000 ships in formtion``
``So what can it be?``
``I think that it is an invation force``
``If it is an invation force, the Liberty army won`t stand alone``
``Well we need to do something``
``I see. I will call for an imidiate meeting of the colonies lidders``





----------LOACATION---THE NEW-YORK SYSTEM-------PLANET MANHATTAN---


``Good day. I have called you all to discuss the new threat from the Rhienland systems``
``What threat?``
``Rhienland is building a new army``
``But Rhienland lost all of it`s army in the NOMAD WARS``
``Maby, but now they are rebuilding the old armies``
``A what do you expect from Kusari?``
``Yes and Bertonia?``
``I expect you to help Liberty as we helped you during the war``
``We see. Well you have our sapport``
``Thank you very much!!!``
``No time to talk, let`s go to prepere our armies``





---------------UPLOADING LONG LINE TRANSMISSION-----------


``Hay Trent it is me, Orillion``
``Hello Orillion, long time no see``
``I have urgent news. You are to meet with me and the rest of the allince of the colonies high staff``
``Why???``
``Didn`t you hear?``
``Hear what?``
``There is a war coming on``
``What? Against who?``
``Rhienland``
``But their army is crashed``
``Not anymore``
``Well where do you want to meet?``
``Battleship Missouri``
``OK. See ya``






At that point there was no stop. The colonies were prepering for war.
The first encounters were bloody. But as the war progressed, Rhienland pushed forword and crushed the alliance in the Sigma systems, in the Omega systems and has reached to the gate that leads to the Texas system.
The only good point in the combat was that the Coursairs and the Outcasts have joined us in the bloody combat and that they attacked Rhienlands indastrial machine.













---------------LOACATION-------THE TEXAS SYSTEM--------

``This is captain Rick from the battleship Barchelona, last night we suffered two more losses in hit and run attackes. We have a feeling that Rhienland is prepering to invade to Texas. The romer is that there is a campion Battleship out there that destroyed more then thirty of our battleships``

``Sir, I have picked up something``
``What?``
``A single Rhienland small fighter``
``Dam. It can be a scouter or one that couldn`t stand in the moving of a large fleet``
``I see``
``Should we fallow?``
``Nagative. This is captain Rick to launching pad, launch a single vessel``
``This is eagle six to command center, fallowing the ship``
``Sir, it has entered the asteriod field and has stopped``
``OK, navigator, bring us closer``
``Sir I don`t thing that we should enter there, if I was fleeing form the enemy with my engines failing I would rather fly then be captured``
``Maby he wants to be captured alive then die in the asteroid field``
``Sir, their jumping engines are better then ours, they can lock on anywhere within 100 feet!``
``OH MY GOD. THIS IS CAPTAIN RICK TO THE FLEET, BRAKE OFF! NOW!``
………………
………………
………………
``Sir are you OK?, sir? Dam, he`s dead``
``Communication, can we send a distress call?``
``Yes, but that Rhienland battleship only left us because it thought that we were dead. If we shell send a call she will come back to finish us``
``OK, this is Riker to the arment, do we have any tactical nukes left?``
``Yes sir``
``OK, I have a plan, put this nukes on three of the asteroids. Communication, prepere to send the distress call but not before I will give the order. I am certin, no I will be sure that it will work. We will have a chance to take them with us. Communication, send the call``
``Sir, I think you`re in luck, I am picking up a ship closing to the sector, coming into range now. It is the battleship!
``Use to docking trusters and hide us behind one of the asteroids, so they will think that we try to escape``
``Yes sir``
``She is opening the gun ports. WEAPONS HOT! I am picking up an energy spike! She is prepering to fire!``
``OK, if they want to finish their job, let them come to us.
Activate the first nuke!``
………………..BOOM
………………..BOOM

``She`s out of the range of the secend nuke, only one left``
``SEE YOU IN HELL``
………………..BOOM
………………..BOOM
………………..BOOM

``YES!!!!!!! WE HAVE BLASTED THE BATTLESHIP!!! Set a course to the New-York system, Norfolk Shipyards``
``I I I sir!``

And this is the end of the first part. Send your replies

Post Tue Jun 22, 2004 7:57 am

nice job, i like the storyline, grade: 1-10=7+
7+= very good, almost excellent.

keep up the writing

Post Tue Jun 22, 2004 11:10 am

DUDE YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR SPELLING AND TRY AGAIN I CANT EVEN UNDERSTAND HALF OF THE WORDS YOUR SAYING!! USE WORDPAD OR SOMETHING AND SPELLCHECK IT!


****************************************************************************************************************************
"A strong man doesnt need to read the future, he makes his own..." -Psycho Mantis from Metal Gear Solid
****************************************************************************************************************************

Post Tue Jun 22, 2004 11:43 am

The pair of you hush. It needs work but it;s not that good or that bad. 5.25

It's far too exagerated for me and yes it needs work on grammar

-~-~-~-~
There is no Silicon Heaven! But where do all the calculators go ?

You could no more evade my wrath... than you could your own shadow!

Post Tue Jun 22, 2004 1:13 pm

@Solid Snake it is not your place to critisie anyone's spelling have u not thought that english is not their first language which in this case General Stratos's is Hebru. The story is quite good imo i think about a 6



Edited by - Gowserpaul on 6/22/2004 2:14:34 PM

Post Tue Jun 22, 2004 1:14 pm

if people understand, and read lots, i have heard SRATOS (a sacrifice god)
say he is not that good at english, i say: you are good at english, this is nothing mean said, i think you need to work on spelling but i also think its very good, i mean, im swedish



Hmmm, what did all that actually mean tommy?
It means i am a sperm! YAY!!
oh Sh*t..

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