To directly connect to a friend's server u must go to the desktop shortcut and go:
>properties
>target

and add in -s<ip>:<port>

then when u run this shortcut go:
>multiplayer
>internet games
and there should be an extra server available.

if this doesn't work (assuming u have the correct ip and port) what's going on?

kumari "Why can't we all just... get along?"