Wed Mar 12, 2003 8:43 am
The Pulverizor
AURORA, OH — Six Flags Ohio theme park unveiled today the world's first sideless, topless, bottomless, triple-inverted, frictionless roller coaster, The Pulverizor. Unlike any other, Pulverizor thrills riders with the once-in-a-lifetime experience of sustaining a gravitational force in excess of 20 Gs during the 3-minute ride along the web of reinforced steel rails and tubes, after which, through the use of the ride's proprietary InstaStop braking technology, riders decelerate from 92mph to a complete stop in less than a tenth of a second.
While patrons' internal organs effectively explode during the stop as they're violently ejected from their harnesses and pulverized against a concrete retaining wall near the end of the ride, park spokeswoman Linda Simms said the ride continues to gain popularity with visitors.
"In today's fiercely competitive theme park marketplace, patrons increasingly expect more extreme and exhilarating stimulation from attractions," she said. "Pulverizor represents the perfect marriage of today's cutting-edge technology and riders' appetites for terminally dangerous thrills."
"That was awesome!" exclaimed visiting Akron University student Rory Kawolski after witnessing fraternity brother Jim Holden's lifeless body smash into the retaining wall. "Jimbo must've had the time of his life on that thing! He was screamin' and yellin' like hell, all the way up to the end!"
"I'm going next, that's for sure," he added, snaking his way to the end of the ride's maze-like line of waiting patrons.
While the blood- and entrails-stained retaining wall and its collection of shattered bones and skulls enhances the sense of danger and impending doom for many riders, numerous visitors expressed discomfort at the sight of the human carnage, according to Simms. Park administrators responded by installing an automated cleaning system — a 3-foot-wide stream of chlorinated water that runs from the popular Batman & Robin Gotham Nightmare attraction to Orca's Regurgitation marine life show at the opposite end of the park, flowing over the top of the concrete wall to keep it consistently clean.
In addition to removing the debris of previous riders and offering visitors the tranquility of its peaceful and disturbingly blue waters, the stream also assists in the feeding of the park's sharks and killer whales by sweeping remains into the creatures' training tanks.
"It really just worked out great for everyone," beamed Simms. "We pay close attention to our visitors' suggestions, and this one worked out particularly well."
If Pulverizor's popularity continues to rise through the park's summer season, Six Flags executives say they will approve construction in the fall of The Imploder — a 32-passenger centrifuge that spins riders around faster and faster until their heads are crushed by the intense gravitational forces.
("Pulverizor represents the perfect marriage of today's cutting-edge technology and riders' appetites for terminally dangerous thrills." )
" The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his "
While patrons' internal organs effectively explode during the stop as they're violently ejected from their harnesses and pulverized against a concrete retaining wall near the end of the ride, park spokeswoman Linda Simms said the ride continues to gain popularity with visitors.
"In today's fiercely competitive theme park marketplace, patrons increasingly expect more extreme and exhilarating stimulation from attractions," she said. "Pulverizor represents the perfect marriage of today's cutting-edge technology and riders' appetites for terminally dangerous thrills."
"That was awesome!" exclaimed visiting Akron University student Rory Kawolski after witnessing fraternity brother Jim Holden's lifeless body smash into the retaining wall. "Jimbo must've had the time of his life on that thing! He was screamin' and yellin' like hell, all the way up to the end!"
"I'm going next, that's for sure," he added, snaking his way to the end of the ride's maze-like line of waiting patrons.
While the blood- and entrails-stained retaining wall and its collection of shattered bones and skulls enhances the sense of danger and impending doom for many riders, numerous visitors expressed discomfort at the sight of the human carnage, according to Simms. Park administrators responded by installing an automated cleaning system — a 3-foot-wide stream of chlorinated water that runs from the popular Batman & Robin Gotham Nightmare attraction to Orca's Regurgitation marine life show at the opposite end of the park, flowing over the top of the concrete wall to keep it consistently clean.
In addition to removing the debris of previous riders and offering visitors the tranquility of its peaceful and disturbingly blue waters, the stream also assists in the feeding of the park's sharks and killer whales by sweeping remains into the creatures' training tanks.
"It really just worked out great for everyone," beamed Simms. "We pay close attention to our visitors' suggestions, and this one worked out particularly well."
If Pulverizor's popularity continues to rise through the park's summer season, Six Flags executives say they will approve construction in the fall of The Imploder — a 32-passenger centrifuge that spins riders around faster and faster until their heads are crushed by the intense gravitational forces.
("Pulverizor represents the perfect marriage of today's cutting-edge technology and riders' appetites for terminally dangerous thrills." )
" The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his "
