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Opinions Please

This is where you can discuss your homework, family, just about anything, make strange sounds and otherwise discuss things which are really not related to the Lancer-series. Yes that means you can discuss other games.

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007

Post Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:15 pm

Opinions Please

This is to pick the brains (so to speak) of the older, wiser, and combinations thereof of TLR users. Id just like some advice with a problem I have.

Here goes nothing.

My Girlfriend and I have been dating a year and eight months, (thereabouts) and while Things are not bad, I am not sure they are really good. I love her like any man loves the women he is dating, but Im not sure its the get married kind of love. I thought about getting an engagment ring (before I started to question the relationship.) but did not as I decided the timing with the monetary element was not the greatest. Since then thngs really havnt been bad, just o.k. Am I asking to much when I say I do not with for o.k. Is wanting it to be great to much? I realize that not everylationship will be perfect all the time. It just seems to me that lately its been down alot more then up. The first year was great! We did not argue much, got along fine and just enjoyed each others company. We still do, but not to as large of a degree. Is this just a blah that happens?

I realize that I am rambling and I do not mean to.

Like I said, its not bad, but it simply does not feell "right"
All our friends think that we are perfect togehter. Her parnets love me. My parnets like her, but would like to know her better. My brother, (whom i live with thinks that I could do better. (his words, not mine.)
Im not sure what to think right now. I know this. I love her, and a part of me always will no matter what happens. Its just that things dont fell right to me.

ignore this if you like, indeed, I may get no replieses what so ever, I am just looking for some outside opinions.

007

H.Q. Victor

Post Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:30 pm

A couple of questions.

1. What is it YOU are wanting from the relationship?
Is it friendship, or more. Some one as a close confidant, closer than a friend, or someone to hangout with?

2. How important is the relationship to you? Are you willing to work at it, to build it strong?

3. Is your family supportive of the both of you? While this is not always nessisary, it can prove a help if they are and a henderance if they are not.

4. Where do you see this relationship 10 years down the road?

Answer these, and it may help you some. That ONE special relationship, has to be nurtured and cared for, it doesn't come easy.

Edited by - Finalday on 6/24/2007 4:30:43 PM

dragonborn

Post Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:17 pm

I may not have much(read:any) experience in relationships but i think what I'm seeing right is that you're confused in what you want her to be to you kinda like final said. What i would do if i were you is try and envision you and her in different types of relationships, everything from being casual friends to husband and wife and see which one is most comfortable to you. You may of course disregard this completely if it sounds foolish but i think it would be a good way of figuring out what YOU want.

By the way, just curious but when did TLR off topic turn in a counseling room complete with plushy couches?

007

Post Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:45 pm

to answear your questions...

1. What is it YOU are wanting from the relationship?
Is it friendship, or more. Some one as a close confidant, closer than a friend, or someone to hangout with?

Id like it to continue, perhaps to marrige, i am just not sure that it will work...
the other thing is, we were good friends before we began dating, and I really dont think wed remain friends if we did break up. I know that shouldnt stop me from doing what needs to be done, at the same time..... its like... BLAH

2. How important is the relationship to you? Are you willing to work at it, to build it strong?

I am willing to work, the problem is im not sure it will work out.

3. Is your family supportive of the both of you? While this is not always nessisary, it can prove a help if they are and a henderance if they are not.

they seem to be, they think that we are to young (were both 20) to think about marrige, but i dont with to be married already anyways...

4. Where do you see this relationship 10 years down the road?

I really have no idea...


007

H.Q. Victor

Post Mon Jun 25, 2007 1:28 am

If you continue on the line of thought, "I'm not sure it will work out" it won't. You have to go into it with the aditude that it WILL work out and work on the relationship. You have to be willing to put 100% into it, if you love her, otherwise you will be short changing both you and her.

The decision is ultimately yours.

Tawakalna

Post Mon Jun 25, 2007 3:08 am

well, I echo what the Bearded Ol' Buzzard said; but I'd like to add - aren't you awfully young to even be thinking about settling down? to be fair, when i was young (er) I wondered if every date, every girlfriend might be the one. But the truth is that until you have some experience of life, and some achievements and some stability ie a steady income and somewhere to live, then it's not even worth the effort of thinking of getting together. And if you don't feel it's right, it won't be. Do NOT let yourself get pressured into further commitment against your own feelings just cos everyone thinks you're "right" together - they aren't you and even with the best motives they shouldn't make decisions for you. If you go with the flow and eventually find yourself enganged then weddings being planned etc then you're leaving yourself open for a big fall further on unless you're 100% sure now that this is what you want, which it sounds like it's not.

My advice for what it's worth is to tell your g/f about these doubts that you have and to say that you need some space and time (you don't need to tell parents or friends as it's squat all to do with them!) If she has genuine feelings for you then she will understand. It's always best to be honest about these things and to be true to yourself - you can't make yourself love someone and to go along with what everyone else wants but you don't might seem very noble but in the end it comes back and hits you and everyone else in the face. And of course there may be someone better just around the corner.

bakedpotato

Post Mon Jun 25, 2007 6:38 am

If nothing else when the time is right ask her if she wants to live together and see how that works out first. Getting married can change the situation a lot and if things don't work out you will be sorry both mentally and financially if it ends in divorce. Living together will give you both a chance to see if you're really compatible with each other.

rgriffin

Post Mon Jun 25, 2007 10:47 am

If nothing else when the time is right ask her if she wants to live together and see how that works out first. Getting married can change the situation a lot and if things don't work out you will be sorry both mentally and financially if it ends in divorce. Living together will give you both a chance to see if you're really compatible with each other.

I totally agree! I took alot of grief from my parents for "shacking up" but this was good way for my wife and I to come to an understanding eachothers peculiaritys.

fadius

Post Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:06 pm

ANy relation takes a lot of effort to work. They all have ups and downs. NOw I disagree that you are to young to think about settling down because you dont have a steady income and things are in a state of flux. Getting through the bumps in the road of life with some one you love can bring you a lot coser together.

I agree that it should not matter what your friends say. So what if they say you are perfect together. They are not the ones in the relationship.

Everyone who has dated, gotten married, or broken up, has faced the same issues. When I asked my wife to marry me 14 years ago, I was asking myself the same questions. This is natural. The tough part is being honest with yourself.

It really does not matter what your parents think, your friends think, or anyone else. If you go into the relationship not being totally honest with yourself and to yourself, there will be trouble down the road.

Also, take a look at what you like and love about her and what you dont. Then keep in mind that you can only change yourself and not her. Every relationship evolves and both parties in that relationship will change along the way as comprimises will be made in order to live together.

I guess the bottom line is there is no easy answer besides be honest with yourself first, and then with her. I would even have this talk with her and she where she feels you 2 stand.

Requiem: A Total FL Conversion Mod .

007

Post Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:58 pm

wow, taw, bakedpotato, dragonborn, and finalday!!! all posted in my lowely topic? :-0
seiously tho...

thanks to the responces from all...

i wasnt planning on getting married just yet...

probably 23-24 sometime. the whole engagement thing was just kinda the WHAT IF thing everyone does... glad i didnt get it (the ring) now, thats for sure....

what you guys have said makes alot of sense. Ill have to talk to her.

we have discussed getting a place together. Her parents wouldnt care, my parents would flip, but at some point, you have to take charge of your own life.

Im really not sure about living together tho, right now, im afraid it would create more problems then it might solve...

things to think about, thanks all

007


Edited by - 007 on 6/26/2007 4:06:54 PM

mustang

Post Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:23 pm

Well I personally, would certainly live with her for at least a year before popping 'the question'. echoing what the other guys have said, don't feel pressured into doing anything you're uncomfortable with, especially marriage. That's a massive commitment that shouldn't be entered into on a whim.

That being said no relationship is going to maintain a fairytale aura for the duration, you need to work at them and there are going to be crap times. However your being good friends is certainly a good thing, but if there isn't a physical attraction to her, then that's not a good thing. I don't care what anyone says and you can call me shallow if you like, but if they don't do anything for you on a physical level then it's not going to work.

Tawakalna

Post Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:51 am

so you'd live with 007's girlfriend would you? some mate you are!

007

Post Fri Jun 29, 2007 8:50 pm

rooooooaaaaaarrrrrr

who and or what is living with my girlfriend??? Thanks all for the advice, things are better. I did use some of the suggestions made.

latter all me hommies!!!

J/k

:-P

007

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