If i could actually change the way my life has been......wow well here is a list..

a.) i Would have not hit the joint, pipe and snorted up at age 10 and been a marijuana,heroin,acid,and coke addict till i was 21 all the while being an alcoholic like my pathetic old man who drank from sun up till sun set.
b.) Never would have ratted my dad out to teh cops for beating my ass for 10 years of my life and getting him thrown in jail for the better part of a decade and losing my entire family to that.
c.) Wouldn't have dropped out of H.S as a drugged out loser and left everyone i knew to go to a new state to RUN from my BS problems for 3 years to just come back to them all.

With those MAJOR things changed and all the substance abuse choices reversed, i would have presued my CAD and Drafting skills further to become that architect i wanted to be ever since i was a child. And build the first "Arcology" like in Sim City 2000 cause that would be the s***.

But, this is reality and there is no way i can push the metaphorical "rewind button" and relive the past and fix the things i have done to ruin my life and what others did to hurt me. But i am GLAD i did what i did and experianced what i have because it makes me ME and unlike anyone else....(well I think...i have a feeling there is another "me" in the world...i mean there ARE 6 billion people on this planet) So it is a great thought, but not something worth dwelling over since it has no bearing on reality...true reality suckx for most but i am willing to have "comfort" rather than "false hope".



Edited by - Dark_Shadow2004 on 11/5/2004 10:03:25 PM

so why the Stones reference?

i'd be exactly who i am. I have no idea the potential i have at the moment. When im 80 i'd probably be at a better stage to make a choice. At the moment im happy where i am and sure, im bitter about missed opportunities, staying in when i should have gone out, not asking certain girls out, spending money on a new computer isntead of going on holiday, holding back on something i wasnt sure of and then regretting it almost instantly. But those experiences are the ones that made me who i am. I've learned from everything ive done. If i went back and changed something, my whole world outlook could be different. Hell, if i was more of a risk taker back when i was younger, i could be dead right now. In fact i know of a certain situation when i was drunk that if i HADNT fallen back on my natural instinct of playing it safe, i would be very much dead. But then who's to say i would even be in that situation to begin with.

I guess what im saying is. The choices and the situations i've made have decided who i am as a person. Changing them wouldnt make me, me so if i'd have studied law at college instead of computer programming, i'd be at a high class university with a part time job as an intern somewhere making cash hand over fist. No desire to help people because i dont know what being poor feels like, i dont hang out with common people anymore so why do i care about them. I'd have lost touch with reality and become an asshole...or maybe not.

Given the ultimate choice of who i want to be in a perfect world. I'd want to be the Prime Minister. I'd believe, like alot of people, that my decisions are sound and that a bit of logical thinking and common sense as well as a bit of descencey would be all you need to make the world right.

as for attainable goals. get my degree in game development, get a job making games for some independent company for a few years then start a games company which makes all my fantasies into games. THEN spin off into a multimedia company which also makes films and spend the rest of my life directing independent films.

If I could rewrite my life I would have worked as hard as I could at school. I also would have sought immediate treatment for the depression which began in Intermediate school. The removal of that influence would have meant top marks at school, better and increased number of friends, a social life, I would not have missed out on so many opportunities and never developed the rage and hatred. Basically I would be a totally different person were it not for that. And when the time came when I finally found out a certain thing about myself I would be much better equipped to handle it.

if i could change things, it would be having been born a week early, as well has being born with almost no immune system, and having what the doctors call failure to thrive. i would change those things IF it didnt change who i am

Hmm...I'd like to be the one who rule the world...seriuosly I would
but as for a bit more reality...I can't think off anything about myself that I would like to change, not at the moment in anyways...my past made me who I am
Oh well...the only thing I'd really really like to change now is actually two things
1) Be a genuis that I dont have to go study for science
2) Have a photo graphical memory that I dont have to struggle to memorise all the laws and formulas for science

oh and a third one...that I just get full marks for both my science papers and dont have to go write them...


Sigs are so overrated. I would never think of us..uhm nevermind
The Lancers Chapel

I would be the head of a highly successful company. Then, I would use the money to fund research into nuclear fusion as a viable energy source. That's all I can think of right now.

btw, it's "I see a red door and I want it painted black". Get it right

I want three things: Wealth, Freedom and Eternity to have them.

Or failing that, a yacht.

I once wanted power... but what's the point?

___Corsair~MMIV
Truth, justice freedom and all that other nonsense

I have been looking for the reset button on life for a long time. Haven't found it yet. But, what I did find was conclusion. If I changed even on point in my life, trying to fix an area, and replied that part, I would still be where I am today. I would not have the beifit of the experiance I have, good or bad, and would still have other choices thrown at me.

The thing I have concluded now, is, when presented with a choice, weigh it out, and make the best one. I have so much wanted to change what happened 20 years ago, thinking it would be better, but, I would have missed some of the good points that helped change the current things.

Oh well, such is life.

Edited by - Finalday on 11/6/2004 7:57:41 AM

Stones reference:

Well the song paint it black was made at a time when vietnam was going on.
The song "I see a window and i want to paint it black, no colors anymore just want to paint it black" it was abotu a new start, painting everything over for a clean slate.

on a interesting note, i made this thread at about one am and then said "Fug it i need some sleep today" then i dreamnt that a bunch of new people to TLR had 8000 posts and were spamming my thread. wierd eh?

___________________
check this! http://www.freewebs.com/worldofbobcrew/

Edited by - [ACDSQrn on 11/6/2004 8:20:05 AM

I would work at the "old crazy hermit" thing, from a young age. Then I'd go live out in a desert...

And I'd also make a point to yell at Derek Smart more often... say, that's not a bad idea.... 3000 A.D, tsk tsk, and to think, I actually tried to play that game..

So, ya, I'll do everything I did, just start sooner and work towards a goal, instead of puttering around and all that....

can you PLEASE not say his name.

I would have my life no other way. Sure, i've regretted a lot of things, but without experienceing them, i would be a very naieve and sheltered little boy, instead of a rather cynical, smart-arsed 18yo.

And even if i had chosen to not start a fight, or to not light those fireworks, i would not be me, but rather someone else looking back over their own life. there is no real right or wrong way to live your life, it is only society which hands this judgement down to you.

=:=
The Shark
-:-
I used to be a guy called Cosmic Viator, jake_langley, Griffin, raz0r_j@ck, jade_falcon, joker2015, starfox... Jared Tyers was in there somewhere too...

My only regret in life is that I waited too long to reject religion. I'd change that if I could.

I wouldnt change anything about my life, I actually started considering if I would change some of the stupid dumb idiotic pointless things I did in high school. But thankfully I have no repercussions of it at this point and I have learned not to do such things again. So yeah, I wouldnt change a thing.

"Dain bramaged"