The maried guys will understand

Sat Aug 30, 2003 6:51 am by Puke Barwalker

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note - these are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down... We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday - SPORTS. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints to not work. Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in any argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such subjects as football, the lottery or hot chicks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men don't mind that. It's like camping.

Jose Chavez: "Trent! It's good to see my kind of scum."

Sat Aug 30, 2003 8:04 am by lethallarry

I'm guessing you're not single, either.
Ever get this one?
She wants me to do something (or not do something, as the particular case may be), feels she shouldn't have to tell me, because if I wasn't an insensitive prick I'd already be doing it (or not doing it, if applicable), whereupon she gets mad at me, then gets even madder when I ask her what's wrong and I'm an arse for not knowiing what's wrong because it's all apprently my fault in the first place... or something like that. I still don't have the whole thing sorted out. I'm working on translating such nonsense into terms I can comprehend; it isn't easy. I think I need a scorecard or something... I've tried convincing her to be logical, but it's often a foreign language.

It's not that women are illogical.... they just have.....ummm.... a "different logic". I'm sure all this crap makes perfect sense to them.

Sat Aug 30, 2003 8:49 am by Goddess

As a woman/wife I find that stuff hilarious. It is true and sad all the thing on that list are true. That is the list I refer to when I want my man to be happy. He will never hear me bug him about what he is thinking, he will never see me expecting him to read my mind, I could care less about the toilet seat, it is just as easy for me to lower it as it is for him to lift it.
Those women that are like that get on my very last nerve.
And, btw, I do in fact enjoy talking about hot chicks with him because I enjoy the view myself

I'm the one that suggests a strip club for a date. We went to Hooter's for our 3rd wedding anniversary this year, my idea. Lots of nice eye candy there

Anyway, women annoy me, even though I am one..lol

Also, if anyone thinks i'm butch or not feminine for saying these things, and playing video games, or whatever, is totally wrong.
I am a girly girl in looks, dress, walk, style, but NOT in nit-picky *****y girly ways. Most women are crazy crazy people

Sat Aug 30, 2003 9:06 am by Fear Factor

Good, you've given me the knowledge to deal with my neurotic gf. Now let me see you give me courage to say these things.

Sat Aug 30, 2003 12:41 pm by [steel]

i have successfully trained the gf to leave the toilet seat up
next step getting to go for a pint at the pub by myself (that may be harder)
i will post tips on this if successful

Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:14 pm by Tawakalna

me and the boy had a brilliant idea.. buy the house next door and go and live there!

ever noticed how the balance of power always favours the female? in a 50/50 split, the females always have their way and the last word. if there is more than one female in the house, no matter how many males precede them, the females still hold the reins. Imagine the misery in my house when the MILF, the Mrs and mini-B*tch all get together, all looking the same and sounding the same.

(btw most of Puke's observations have been mentioned at some time in our house, I am adept at dodging remotes now, I have inbuilt countermeasures! we go through a lot of remotes though, esp. when women use them as missiles)

@ Goddess, no offence, luv, sorry if you might think me and some of the other blokes are anti-women and sexist, we're not, we've just been married a long time and are deeply cynical. We love our wives really. At least 3 times a week

!!(I love my kids too, even though I dream about a snooker room!)

Edited by - Tawakalna on 30-08-2003 16:36:15

Edited by - Tawakalna on 31-08-2003 00:44:05

Sat Aug 30, 2003 3:04 pm by Arcon

did anyone else REALLY wanna buy the house next door and KNOCK THRU?
i always wanted to do that, it would double the size of your house, make you feel like a king. and ooh oooh....

-arcon
------

Sat Aug 30, 2003 3:24 pm by Tawakalna

I'd really like to, then all the frontage can be the same style & colour, wife and daughter can live in one half and do what they do (have baths mostly) and keep the rotten cat, me and the boy get the other half and fill it full of Pcs, consoles, guns, swords, dogs, eat proper food and not semiskimmed diet rubbish. ah dream on...

Sat Aug 30, 2003 3:49 pm by [steel]

if you want to put the women in the house next door why knock through ?
surely you will be safer from the cats etc if you keep them seperate
but then why bother with that they could be happy in the caravan surely;-))))
this would have the added benefit of keeping her away from ebay

Edited by - [STEEL on 30-08-2003 16:53:13

Sat Aug 30, 2003 4:24 pm by Tawakalna

those thoughts have already come to mind. I considered letting the brakes off the caravan when they were lurking about in there and letting it roll off downbank. The cat just stinks.

btw I disconnected my router so as to sabotage her Ebay but 25minutes of squeaking and pleading followed by tears made me put it back on.

Sat Aug 30, 2003 5:18 pm by [steel]

you are too weak
you now have leverage for training purposes
30 mins of ebay = favourite meal
1 hour = being allowed to have your mates round for a beer
unlimited access = A BOAT !!!!!!!!
allowing her to bid; well the caravan would be cosy !

Sat Aug 30, 2003 5:52 pm by lethallarry

...I'm guessing from your use of idiom that most of you folks are from England, no?

Sat Aug 30, 2003 6:53 pm by Tawakalna

I'm just going to nick YOUR boat instead. and hoist the Jolly Roger!

@LL Larry,

i'd say "Britain" not "England" because some of the contributors from these islands live in the Celtic fringes, far from civilisation.

Edited by - Tawakalna on 30-08-2003 20:16:54

Sat Aug 30, 2003 7:29 pm by lethallarry

Actually, I've always been unclear on that... the difference between "England" and "Britain"... I'm assuming that England is more a geographic concept, whereas Britain is more of a nationalistic concept... yes?

I'm Canadian, by the way...

These are the words that appear in my signature.
Yes, I find it funny.

Sat Aug 30, 2003 8:29 pm by Tawakalna

haven't I had to do this once already?

ok so u r clear LL. Our country is called the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern ireland, it says so in our European Union passports. The islands of Great Britain, ireland, and all the other little bits and pieces are collectively known as "the British Isles" the mainland of Great Britain is comprised of 3 distinct nations, England, Scotland, and Wales, all under the English crown but Scotland and Wales possess their own Parliaments with a considerable measure of self-government for internal matters. Northern Ireland while geographically part of Ireland is politically part of Britain and its Parliament comes and goes depending upon the prevailing British governments attitude towards Ulster. A British person who isn't necessarily English might take exception to being lumped in with England. Despite having their own Parliaments, Scotland Wales and Ulster are ultimately at the whim of the English Parliament in London.

so you can be English Scottish Welsh or Irish and still be British, although strictly speaking the English aren't British they're Germans, the others are the true Britons. hence why there is a Scottish word "sassenach" which means Saxon, used to describe the English who from a British point of view are Anglo-Saxon (German) invaders.

u see it's all as clear as mud! We haven't had a "British" king since Arthur, or an English king since Harold, we have a German queen and a frenchified scandinavian aristocracy ruling a polyglot mix of angles, saxons, britons, & danes, with indians and afr0-caribbeans as well, with a recent sprinkling of afghans and kosovans/albanians.

amendment.. i hope that doesn't count as politics!

Edited by - Tawakalna on 30-08-2003 21:30:26

Edited by - Tawakalna on 30-08-2003 21:47:35

Important Message

You are browsing the archived Lancers Reactor forums. You cannot register or login.
The content may be outdated and links may not be functional.

To get the latest in Freelancer news, mods, modding and downloads, go to
The-Starport