Wed May 28, 2003 2:03 am
When Reality Is Better then Fiction
1. When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most
concerned, this time it worked.
2. Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the
limits of tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to
restore his sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy, you sure
have got fat in four years.'
3. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a
claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting
negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
4. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti,
Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly
leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave.
Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman
bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed
by a passing car.
5. An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be
attacked by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon.
Seeking refuge, he leapt into the river - and was devoured by
piranha fish.
6. A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts
from trees demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course
when it leapt onto the shoulders of a passerby in Kuala Lumpur
and tried to twist his head off. The passerby was treated at a
local hospital for a sprained neck.
7. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was
charged with beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the
latter hid the caps to his toy pistol.
8. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her
dead. (I am not saying this is right... but I understand...It's
a Chicago thang'...)
9. One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979
was taste in clothing.
10. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting
to admit his imcompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop
and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that
the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
11. In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has
been charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin,
Ken E Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had
suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian Roulette, but,
having no revolver, instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his
cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize that one bullet
always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic.
12. Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having
a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their
health. However, to compensate for this, condemned men will
instead be permitted to chew a stick of celery.
13. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad
told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could
get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
14. Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a
Filipino man to 75 lashes for possession of alcohol - after he
was caught with two chocolate liqueurs at an airport.
15. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to
give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's
swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say
"Gimmee a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant." The mother
turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her
reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window
and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged an
screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying
attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am.
It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in
the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they would show
up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant."
BTW, what do you guys think of this stuff? Some of it is a little odd, like my strange suicide thread, I don't want to offend anyone.
Edited by - Huffer on 28-05-2003 03:08:27
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most
concerned, this time it worked.
2. Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the
limits of tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to
restore his sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy, you sure
have got fat in four years.'
3. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a
claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting
negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
4. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti,
Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly
leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave.
Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman
bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed
by a passing car.
5. An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be
attacked by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon.
Seeking refuge, he leapt into the river - and was devoured by
piranha fish.
6. A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts
from trees demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course
when it leapt onto the shoulders of a passerby in Kuala Lumpur
and tried to twist his head off. The passerby was treated at a
local hospital for a sprained neck.
7. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was
charged with beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the
latter hid the caps to his toy pistol.
8. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her
dead. (I am not saying this is right... but I understand...It's
a Chicago thang'...)
9. One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979
was taste in clothing.
10. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting
to admit his imcompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop
and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that
the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
11. In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has
been charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin,
Ken E Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had
suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian Roulette, but,
having no revolver, instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his
cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize that one bullet
always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic.
12. Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having
a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their
health. However, to compensate for this, condemned men will
instead be permitted to chew a stick of celery.
13. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad
told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could
get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
14. Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a
Filipino man to 75 lashes for possession of alcohol - after he
was caught with two chocolate liqueurs at an airport.
15. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to
give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's
swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say
"Gimmee a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant." The mother
turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her
reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window
and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged an
screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying
attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am.
It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in
the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they would show
up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant."
BTW, what do you guys think of this stuff? Some of it is a little odd, like my strange suicide thread, I don't want to offend anyone.
Edited by - Huffer on 28-05-2003 03:08:27
