War Erupting in the Colonies

Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:52 pm by Donnie

The days in Liberty are being very stressed after the destruction of the Nomads. Criminals from all over Sirius keep attacking major trade lanes. Jack Smith began to suspect that someone or some group was hiring these criminals to attack major trade lanes in the Liberty colony.But he couldn't quiet catch a name or faction who would do this catastroghy. Only Rhineland comes to mind.
When I dropped out of cruise near Planet Manhattan, pinpricks of targets overloaded my radar! It seemed as every criminal organazation ever created was there!
"All right boys, stay together now." said my cammander, Jacob Rhikelly. I saw his Nomad Cannons (harvested from the remains of the Nomads) fly past my sleek Titan and hit a Outcast ship in the veiwport, I saw the Outcast float out of his ship, his face paler than snow.
"Incoming Squadren of Blood Dragons!!" I yelled into the comm. Then I looked straight in front of me...
"What is that!?" I yelled. It look like a Liberty Dreadnaut Battleship. But slightly modded. Then I saw the flare of light surrounding the battleship....
TO BE CONTENUED................

Edited by - Donnie on 11/7/2007 6:00:43 PM

Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:00 pm by Donnie

Tell me how you like this and if there is any misspelled words, Capitalzation ect.
Your replies are a path to making this story well made and easier to read if there are any grammer problems.

Fri Nov 09, 2007 8:16 am by fire_wolf_br

i likes ur story, although i can't say nothing about grammar, because i speak portuguese and i have a bad english.

Member of TLR since I'm registered here. Duh.

<<<Fire_Wolf_br>>>
Making the Amazonia MOD. Work in progress.

Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:05 pm by Donnie

thanks for the comment, i'll contenue the story soon.

Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:20 pm by Donnie

Jack Smith observed the ship closer. It had Rhineland marks instead of liberty! And the light was from a cloaking device!! It began to hail me.
"General Smith I presume?" A familar voice said over the comm."If you only joined Rhineland instead of helping that Trent buffoon destroy the Nomads, then I would of let you live." It said. The voice was none other than the top Rhineland General JJ.
"Not a chance JJ will I let you kill me, traiter." I taunted over the comm. I switched to Bretonia and Kusari channels and requested for help. They said with their new engines, they'll be there with a few minutes.
"Give up Jack!" JJ yelled. I turned my ship to fly straight at the battleship. i set me sunslayer torpedo to launch at the bridge of the ship.
"Hey JJ, look up at your veiwscreen and kiss my afterburner!!!" I yelled. He looked up and with surprise his eyes bulged out like putty."Goodbye JJ." I said at last. Then BABOOM!! The ship blew up into pieces.
"I hope you like my present."I laughed. To Be Contenued...

Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:53 pm by Donnie

Two weeks later, Jack Smith was awarded the rank of admiral and began to prepare a battlefleet for a attack on the heart of Rhineland. Several Rhineland systems were now under Liberty control (Stuggart,Dredson,and the Omegas).
The battlefleet consists of 12 bretonia battleships, 8 bretonia destroyers, 14 liberty Dreadnauts (And Battleship Texas, Jack's flagship), 10 liberty cruisers, 12 kusari battleships, 8 kusari destroyers. It is a very huge battlefleet, needed to strike the heart of Rhineland, New Berlin.
The ships were to be dispatched two weeks from now. Jack shook with fear of why we need this huge of a battlefleet. With these many ships you might think why so many, well we heard there was about 70 Rhineland ships above New Berlin, and we had 64, so the odds are better.
Jack was to lead Alpha Squadren into battle. Beta,and Delta speacil squads are cammanded by Cammander Jacob kallicary and Shawn hashburgion. The battle will start soon. (The good part comes in soon!

Sun Nov 11, 2007 3:08 am by Anomaly

I like the story, but I would like it more if it was a bit more detailed. Also, be sure to pay attention to which time you put sentences in. It's a bit weird if you go from past to present. I can't explain what I mean very good, but I hope you get what I'm saying.

Keep 'em comin' !

Sun Nov 11, 2007 6:25 pm by Donnie

Thank you Anomoly

I will add more detail to my next chapter. And It will begin very soon.

Mon Nov 12, 2007 12:59 pm by fire_wolf_br

i haven't read ur posts after mine, i'll do this later, because i'm busy now. anyway, DON'T STOP THE FAN FICTION THING! i'm a crazy reader, bookworm... i like read read and read...

continue!

Member of TLR since I'm registered here. Duh.

<<<Fire_Wolf_br>>>
Making the Amazonia MOD. Work in progress.

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