my only critique is that its "Trent" pulled his boots on "trent" did this etc. You could miss a few trents out, replace some with he etc etc.

yeah thats been fixed in my ms word version

...continued


“Cruise Engines online, accelerating to 300k,” announced Tobias with the slightest hope that they will be able to break free of the Corsairs.
“Missile Launch Detected!” the famine voice announced.
“CHAFF! CHAFF!” Trent screamed.
“Not equipped, but watch this…”
Tobias never broke his attention from his HUD while he said this; he quickly and skillfully maneuvered the small freighter behind an asteroid. The missiles had enough time to react and flew around the asteroid still in hot pursuit of the freighter, and gaining rapidly.
“Sorry Tobias I know you love money but my life is more important…” concluded Trent
“Huh?” asked Tobias obviously puzzled at the remark.
Without explaining Trent watched the two missiles on his radar a split second later when he decided they were close enough, Trent released the Titan. The Titan got in the way of one of the cruise disruptors and it exploded silently in a ball of white fire that quickly vanished in the almost complete vacuum of space. That left on more that Trent had to deal with quickly. He was out of options they were going to die, right here, right now in this desolate asteroid field. The rocket flew closer and closer, it was at the engines now, it exploded. Trent expected a sudden jolt as they decelerated out of cruise speed. The jolt came yet they remained at cruise speed. It was a dud!
“It was a DUD!” Tobias yelled as though reading Trent’s mind.
“That was close!” Trent remarked.
“You are going to make a great pilot some day kid…a great pilot,” Tobias said wonderingly, “Now that’s over with lets dock with the trade lane up ahead and see what we can get for this merchandise here.”
“Got ya, docking request send to Bretonia Police Trade Lane Durham Border Station- Planet Leeds”
“Trade Lane Ring Initiated, docking with marked Trade Lane”
The Clydesale autopilot entered the Trade Lane smoothly. Trent and Tobias felt 4G’s as they accelerated to 2800k. A few minutes later they left the Trade Lane and proceeded to the planet’s docking ring.
“This is Planetary Docking Ring Leeds to Freelancer Alpha 1-1 please submit your designation,” the automated docking system transmitted.
Tobias transmitted the required data and was put on hold because the docking ring was busy. He was third in line. As the two of them saw a large transport dock with the planet they hear:
“I got vector on bogey… coming in fast!”
The Corsairs! They have followed them to Leeds. What ever those weapons are, they must be something. No one attacks openly by a planet.
“Sustaining heavy fire!” a pilot yelled as his ship evaporated in space.
“Come on, come on…” Trent hurried the docking procedures, cutting off another freighter to dock sooner. The military was getting beat back by the Corsairs and as Trent and Tobias cut off a Rhino freighter it exploded in a giant fireball, temporarily blinding them. The Corsairs kept coming and coming using some sort of super fast Cruise Engine.
“Docking in Progress,” flashed a message on their HUD.
“Docking Ring cleared!” exalted Tobias in triumph.
“We are still not in the clear, they are still following us!”
“The docking ring won’t let them though.”
At that moment the docking ring opened and the Corsairs were still in hot pursuit. They opened fire.
“Trent, man the turret!”
Trent ran thorough the ship hitting numerous corners but not stopping because he knew both of their lives were at stake. Numerous doors slid into their pockets as he ran through them feeling the floor shudder underneath as the hull was stressed to the limit in the atmosphere. The turret was just down the hall when the red light went on.
“Shield Failed!” the frantic computerized voice announced.

man this is good keep going i'm already drooling with anticipation!

?

....continued


There, the final door at the end of the corridor. Trent ran through and manned the turret. It was little more then a seat and a console which showed digital positions of the enemies, their vectors, their load-outs etc… He grabbed the joystick and targeted the nearest Corsair fighter and opened fire. It was hard trying to not overheat the ship’s power-plant while Tobias pulled high G maneuvers stressing the already stressed and battered hull to its limit… and now they had no shields. Trent was a skilled marksman so he quickly destroyed the shield and then shot the pilot through the cockpit window. He adjusted his aim and fired off another volley. The explosion from one from the last Corsair that Trent blew up, took off the shields on this one so Trent again had no trouble shooting it down. But the Corsairs just kept coming; there must have been at least twenty of their ships in the atmosphere
“Civilian spacecraft cease fire! You are in a military zone! Let us deal with them,” said a voice over their com speakers.
“Good they’ll be able to help us, looks like we are safe after all!” Tobias said, excited that he won’t have to die in this ship at his young age.
“Shield Restored,” And the red warning lights stopped flashing.
The Bretonian Cavaliers made quick work of the Corsairs but not before half of them burned up in the atmosphere because their hulls couldn’t keep it together. The Corsairs were getting pushed back partly because of the ground forces on the ground that did their part of launching Windstalker Missiles. In about three minutes the fight was over as the Corsairs got annihilated by the hundreds of cavaliers and passer-bys who wanted to help. Trent had his share of kills as they were still the primary target. They have taken a lot of damage and almost lots of all their cargo but Tobias released the nanobots that quickly patched up the hull. Those spider-like creatures, Trent thought they saved our lives countless times. The shield batteries too, were a big part of their success in this battle. Shield batteries fire off a burst of very strong Ion current that instantly regenerates the shield a quarter of the way to their full strength. Then it was just a matter of time of avoiding enemy (and friendly) fire before the shields were back up. And now it was all quiet. Like the eye of the storm Trent thought. And indeed it was, seconds later Corsair fighters armed with missiles of their own, opened fire on the rocket batteries. Why do they want these guns so damn badly, they are willing to throw away their lives just to get them?
Trent activated his com and yelled into it: “TOBIAS! GET US OUT OF HERE!”
“Working on it Trent, calm down,” said a tired voice over the speaker.
He felt as Tobias punched the throttle, and they were off. Trent was careful not to touch their hull because he didn’t want to stress it more then they had to needed to, and also it was very hot. He let go of the joystick that controlled the Barrager Turret. The recoil of the turret would stress the airframe. The ship was almost at the lending site when
“Hull breach eminent!” again that same computerized voice.
“TOBIAS SLOW DOWN! YOU ARE GOING TO BLOW US TO PIECES!” Trent yelled into his comm.
No response.
The ship did start slowing down. Soon enough the Corsairs stopped pursuing fleeing the scene. If they stayed they would eventually be wiped out and some would even be captured and interrogated.
“Trent we got company,” Tobias said.
“I’m on my way,” with that he headed out of the turret control station and back into the cockpit.
When he got there Tobias was covered with sweat and red as a tomato.
“You don’t smell right…” Trent said jokingly.
Tobias pointed at the window. There were three Bretonian fighters and then a fourth one came up in front of them and took up a position on their nose. An escort group. The Cavaliers waggled in the air, meaning that Trent and Tobias had to follow them.
The com channel opened, “Good morning civilian aircraft Alpha 1-1, this is Bretonian police Patrol Group Gamma 6-7, I’m scanning your cargo for contraband,” said a famine voice at the other end of the line, “What have we got here? Civilian Aircraft Alpha 1-1 please follow us. Any attempt to flee and you will be shot down.”

and again- ?

We Will fight in the space!
We Will fight on the planets!
We will fight in the fields and in the belts!
We will fight in the galaxies!
WE SHELL NEVER SERRENDER!!!

what do u mean by "?"

Edited by - SmoothFlame on 7/21/2004 10:29:33 AM

Very Cool..... Keep it up!!

a little more boring chapter but it drives the plot along'


Trent and Tobias obeyed the direct order and followed the accompanying Cavalier. They didn’t have much choice, as they were tractor locked between the four of them.
“From Corsairs, to the Bretonian Law Enforcement, when will this stop?” Tobias mumbled.
Trent didn’t answer but fiddled with the controls. This got Tobias’s attention.
“What are you doing?”
“You’ll see in a second. I had enough of this!”
With that Trent pressed some more buttons and fiddled with some more knobs and then looked at Tobias smiling.
“What did you do?”
Silently Trent pointed at the window. Tobias looked and he could believe it. The Cavaliers looked them selves together with their tractor beams and were falling towards the ground.
“Oh my god… what did you do?” Tobias repeated himself, still not believing what he was seeing.
“I simply relocated the tractor beams using our hull and tractor beams. After getting one undone the rest were easy, and then I locked them on each other and one toward the ground. But you can’t tractor in the ground can you? That’s why they are falling,” Trent said proud of what he has done, “What are you waiting for, GO! More might be coming.”
Tobias punched the throttle and they were off. In less then an hour they were in the main city and were being tractored into their parking place.
“Where are we going to sell these? We can’t go to just an arms dealer.” remarked Tobias.
“Then we go to the black market. I’m sure the Mollys or the Gaians would want this.”
No one said a word as they rented a droid to help them unload their precious cargo. They walked down to their apartment. With the door slid into its pocket with a hiss. Tobias went straight to contacting the various factions about their “equipment”.
“Hey Trent looks like we got a buyer for our merchandise.”
“Who?”
“You won’t believe this but looks like the Libs want it. They want it to be delivered to Trenton. They already paid. They also said that we have to get it to them in 46 hours, starting now.”
“We need a new ship. This one is hot.”
“Well, we got a couple of million credits now, Im sure I can spare you some.”

It was not that boring, Still good. Keep it up

This story is coming along great! Keep up the good work, it seems like the story's gonna keep getting better and better.

this is actually second best. I like the way its heading. Keep it up man.

"Go Neuromancer!!! Keep righting that fiction man!!!"

things are starting to get interesting in this one.... (not much action though )
and Twitch... what do u mean by "this is actually second best"?

Chapter 2

“Forty-five hours left. Better get going” Trent thought out loud.
“That’ be twelve credits” the bartender said.
Trent silently handed out twelve credits and left the bar toward his new ship. He figured he needed something fast and that doesn’t attract a lot of attention so he had a Rhino shipped from California system. Trent walked out onto the landing pad and saw that his ship still wasn’t there. It should be here any minute he thought. He went over and sat on the steel girders that ran along the perimeters of the landing pad. The ship arrived three hours late, when Trent asked the pilot what happened and why he was so late, he told them that he was jumped by Outcasts when he went through the Magellan system on his way to the Leeds jump hole.
“So why didn’t you go using the conventional route?”
“We have to keep promises. Every hour we waste waiting in lines to use the jump-gates we lose a lot of credits. That was is a lot more dangerous but a lot quicker.”
“Is the ship damaged?”
“Well that was another story in its own,” the pilot chuckled, “You see the damage wasn’t so bad, but the mechanic that I went to didn’t know what the hell he was doing. So after wasting an hour or so of my time he told me that there was nothing he could do. So I had to go to a different one. That one had mechanical droids so he fixed it quickly.”
“Well now I have forty-two hours to deliver my cargo.”
“Good journey, Mr. Trent.” The pilot said cheerfully.
After Trent saw the pilot disappear in the doorway. He motioned the droids to bring the cargo on the freighter. In another hour Trent, was done his pre-flight checklist, including the walk-around of his new freighter. He was satisfied. He requested clearance, which he was given almost immediately.
He turned on his atmosphere engine on and he was gone. He left the atmosphere and was on his way toward the trade-lanes that would get him to Manchester. And then it was on to Magellan or Cortez. He was still having a discussion in his mind about weather to use the trade lanes in Magellan or go through Cortez, when he entered his trade-lane. He was surprised by the sudden acceleration, because he wasn’t paying attention to the set waypoints, he just let his auto pilot do the flying. Trent was trying to find all the information he could on his cargo he was carrying. After a couple of hours he composed a log that he sent to Tobias. It seems that the Angelito MK IV is Corsair particle projection cannon, which can destroy ships in a couple of shots. It fired nano-bots; they penetrated the shields and then attached themselves on to the hull. Then they basically worked like nano-bots reversed. They attacked the hull in one spot making a microscopic hole that got bigger and bigger. They would stand guard by this opening hole, destroying any nano-bots that came to fix it. Trent also noted that this could work on stations too, no matter the size. But here is the interesting part. The PPC as he called it was originally made by the Coalition. That was the way that the Coalition gained the upper hand. Alas there was more, the design for the PPC came from a source that was highly classified until recently when a group of Lane Hackers was able to break in, posting the information on the neural net, while selling the more detailed ones on the black market.
Trent went through the Leeds-Manchester Jump Gate.


Edited by - SmoothFlame on 7/23/2004 12:45:40 PM

Edited by - SmoothFlame on 7/23/2004 1:03:40 PM